Before I started writing this. I went through some posts and asked a friend too, though I have heard people's opinions on this topic before, and what I got was that they gave different answers based on where they currently are. Some single people I have seen are really exhausted, and they want relationships so badly. While some in a relationship are struggling, and they want to go back to the single life. If I am being honest, what we are searching for, the answer, lives somewhere quieter than both.
Well, I have been single for a long stretch, and it is my choice. That is what I call it. But the framing felt easier to carry. What I failed to examine until recently was the specific fear sitting underneath it. I am not talking about the fear of entering a relationship. What I am saying is the fear of being genuinely known by someone and found to be not enough. And to be honest, a lot of people are at this table too because it seems like a halfway protection dressed as preference or maybe choice.
There is also a part of wanting to enter a relationship that is also not fully honest. Specifically, a lot of people don't want partners. They just want someone who will be bearing them witness. Some who are going to be there and be validating everything they have been doing, if their life matters, and be confirming whatsoever is happening in their life. In this country, it is very hard to name loneliness because one way or the other, one is surrounded by one or two people. Noise everywhere, there are family members, neighbors, and a church or mosque too. One can be surrounded by all these things I mentioned and at the same time, still feel completely unseen. And that is why some are in a relationship because they feel the need to feel seen, it is what they need, and they are not ready for the relationship necessary.
And I am being honest here; I'd choose a relationship. Not because I can't stay alone or it hurts. But because some things are very important in a man's life, and I have done enough evaluation and internal work to know that I am not shying away from anything. This type of decision took a long time to realize. And now that I know my answer and the fear is quiet; that above is my response to this.
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Well said. Sometimes what we call a preference is actually a form of self-protection. Your observation about that was insightful and gave me something to think about.
Thank you.. I'm glad you got me.
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