Challenge #04905-M156: Caught Broadside

Torture is forbidden in the Alliance, but there are more ways to break a person than physical pain. Ever deal with a dad who seems to want to turn everything into a bad pun? -- Anon Guest

[AN: The Alliance has transcended the need for torture. There are better ways to get information out of someone. Therefore, this has to happen somewhere on the Edge]

The Galactic Alliance is an agreement between multiple polities and species in an extended trade network. People talk their problems out and attempt to resolve issues with negotiation and deliberation. Those who insist on egregiously flaunting the Alliance law get the heavier hand of Pax Humanis, and very few others.

Yes, there are Space Marines. Most of what they do is defence oriented. There are occasional calls to police a Deregger planet in need of severe intervention. There are also missions to seek out, capture, and contain space pirates and disassembling their operations.

That is where Edge Territory Interrogation Techniques come in.

The Pirates of the B0-NN-3T stellar cluster were a wily lot. Many of their ships were single-pilot scouts. A rich enough prize would draw out the larger vessels with the bigger guns. How many there were, where they hid those vessels, and which planetoid they had their base within were all questions that didn't have answers.

Answers that might be locked inside the head of Pirate Scout Colt. Currently seething in a single carceral habitat and ripping everything they should reach to shreds. Colt was also learning that such action was futile, as automated processes simply replaced everything.

It was a uniquely peaceful solutions to all the issues related with imprisonment. The detainee could make all the noise they wanted, since none of that sound interfered with anyone else's environment. They could destroy all the soft materials if they so wished, and the automated systems would simply print new ones whilst cleaning up the old ones. The same applied to any other mess they thought to make. As for the hard materials - they could not be harmed. They were not rigid enough to harm a detainee. In brief, if a detainee punched a wall in anger, their fist would bounce rather than break.

Obviously, Space Pirates are not amenable to therapists talking about their life choices in this situation. Nevertheless, social interaction was one of the Essential Cogniscent Rights. Which leads to interesting solutions.

Investigator Lyov had waited for Colt to calm down from their initial tantrum. Just being present on the other side of the large window for supervision. Waiting in a truly comfortable chair and taking hir ease with a big, thick book.

Colt sat on the cellulose-padded floor. "What's your deal?"

"Had enough of being naughty, Cal?" said Lyov.

"What?" frowned Colt. "It's Colt, not 'Cal'."

"You got captured, so ship happens. However we can sail on to the next step and reach the ang-core of the issue. So let's get on board with not making any more waves."

Colt winced. "Oh. Puns. Isn't that something like cruel and unusual treatment?"

"I get it. Nautical puns are knot for everyone, but these jokes can rock someone's deck. I admit that they don't always float, and that can be a shore disappointment."

"What do you want? Colt demanded.

"Just information on your crew," said Lyov. "Where your fleet hides. Where your base is. People you know in your organisation. That sort of thing."

"And if I don't talk, you keep telling shitty jokes?"

"That's pretty much the oar-else, yes."

Colt sighed, considering their alternatives. There weren't very many. "Let me think about it," they allowed.

"Sure thing," said Lyov. "I'll sea you tomorrow."

[Photo by Costa Live on Unsplash]

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