As someone who has struggled with severe depression and low self-image
in the past, and who has displayed several tell-tale behaviors and signs of the narcissistic personality disorder, I make this video not in personal judgement of anyone, but as a reminder to myself, and a warning to others. I also wish to examine my own communication methods and see if perhaps I can improve them.
I have been told several times now, by a few different sources here on Steemit, that the very real philosophical objections I have raised with the ideas and approaches of others claiming to be Voluntaryists--while simultaneously questioning basic axioms and property norms--are simply me "seeking attention," or attempting to "aggrandize myself." It was even implied that the reason I wished to debate some of these individuals was for attention or publicity. Nothing could be further from the truth. I care about these ideas (the foundational tenets of Voluntaryism) very passionately, and wished to defend them. No more, no less. I was reticent to engage in the debate online, but felt it to be necessary out of my own personal sense of duty. I would have much rather been involved in my "real life" anarchy-ing of growing my garden, interacting with friends, or spending time with my family.
In this video, I address these issues via the broader approach of discussing gaslighting and narcissistic communication styles in general. When you are not free to disagree with someone without a label being applied to you, and when the content of your objection is ignored, but the tone of your voice or the "gentleness" of your objection is made the primary focus of contention, then you can almost be sure something is amiss.
Ironically, throughout the recent misadventure in horrible miscommunication (which I am now guilty of playing a part in) I honestly feel I have been focused on ideas (if delivering them somewhat passionately and aggressively) while the individuals I reference here in this video seem to focus not on the arguments being made, but the style in which I have made them. What is strange to me is that the real vitriol, callousness, and lack of openness that has been projected on to me, was first (as far as I can tell) delivered from the other side. This seems to be of no consequence or concern, however, to those convinced that I am a divisive individual harmful to the "advance of the movement."
The best way to deal with these types of projection and narcissistic, gaslighting techniques is to remain calm, boldly name the behaviors when they rear their heads, and refuse to play the game by the unfair rules set forth by master (conscious or unconscious) manipulators.
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~KafkA
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as DTube and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
Your good man. This 'movement' thing is a little sketchy to begin with. Individual anarchy/individual voluntarism IMO shouldn't build social constructs or invest authority in social constructs, so this whole thing about 'unite' and 'align for the cause' is suspect.
I can see the position of trying to get into it long enough to decentralize it, but no way in hell should there be something to mimic it.
In many ways I think Larken is accurate, that it is best not to engage with the circus.
The fact that we have so many preferences aligned is interesting, but it probably shouldn't be bound. There appears to be some confusion in the basic principle that freedom should be the primary and order should flow from that freedom. What this push for unity appears to be trying to do is put order as the primary and then trying to get freedom from that order. Anyone who has looked at that history should know how that ends.
Good stuff.
Yes, I concur as well. This isn't about individuals or groups. It is about the objective, and that objective is individual liberty. Call it freedom if you want, but I don't like that term as much. Different people have different opinions of the definition. I prefer individual liberty because it is more clearly defined.
If a person is doing things to further individual liberty, then they are my friend. Are they doing something counter to it? Then I have a problem with them. How people work towards maximizing individual liberty doesn't matter to me either. As Friedman said in his interview, I'm all for having various different approaches.
Unity over objective? Never. I won't do it. To each their own though...
Exactly. Really well said.
Thanks for the comment and observations @joesal.
A lot of people have a tendency to use irrelevant 'arms' in an argument, such as the way you expressed your point or your grammar mistakes. While this is perfectly acceptable in an argument with your own toddler, during a serious discussion it is considered the first sign of.. you guessed: LOSING!
So I urge you to carry on doing exactly what your doing and ignore the self-important people who have no right to get in your way.
I don't think you need to second guess yourself too much. I've been following you a long while and you've never come across as in any way divisive or self-aggrandizing, quite the contrary in fact.
That said, Kokesh for president is the big voluntaryist project, the only game in town and we're all supposed to get behind it unquestioningly, no dissent, no boat rocking. You can see that your awkward little questions could be construed as you trying to divide the camp.
;)
Cheers.
Great vid. The one word that came to mind that i didn't hear you use, unless I missed it, was projection. The types of people you are describing (and, in my own experiences, some of the actual people you are talking about) tend to use the specific claims of "self-aggrandizement" and "attention seeking" because that is actual what they are after. I have my own issues with NVC, too, despite having a number of close friends who are big proponents of that tool.
The more I've watched your vids lately, the more I realize that you and i seem to have quite a bit in common. I would love to get you on my show one day soon. The solo project, I mean. I wouldn'r make you suffer through Dave on SOL. LoL
Haha. Thanks man. I'd love to be on.
I've suspected the same, actually.
Regarding the term "projection," I think I maybe I said "they project" or something like that once in the video, but yeah. It's very telling, right? When I saw that one of these guys had, apropos of nothing really, said I was "aggrandizing" myself, it really took me aback. Where the hell did that come from?
Anyway, lemme know about the show. Would be fun.
Hey Graham, this is some real talk right here… I suffer from bipolar & depression and I've been accused of being a narcissist myself. One of my biggest hindrances is that I expect people to be more intelligent and self-aware than they actually are. I'll tell you this, you have really good oratory and that makes you dangerous to sociopathic narcissistic shit bags that are just on the Internet to enrich themselves! I say fuck them if they don't have a sense of humor! I say if the shoe fits Graham...... wear that motherfucker until the rubber Burns off those puppies. Be yourself, no fucking one else is better qualified! FYI. I may just be narcissistically complementing the things about you that I see in myself. One final thought! Logic and reason are the two biggest assholes in America....... no one wants to associate with them!
Thanks Mike. This comment really means a lot to me. Yeah, I almost feel with these types of manipulative language attacks one almost has to just become the “asshole” to point things out. Otherwise you’ll just be manipulated.
Thanks again for sharing.
Sure thing! you're welcome Man.
My replies were not directed at you if they were taken as such.
Nope. Not at all bro. Loved your comment. I understood it and didn't take it as an insult or attack at all. You were the voice of reason there.
You are a straight shooter, Finnian. And as much of a bastard as I can be, I don't have problems with folks even if they have problems with me, as long as they can be basically direct about it.
For what it's worth, my opinion is that you've been on target this entire time. I do not believe you should feel the need to apologize or give ground.
Communication has skills and if one is not well endowed with these skills...he/she will famble anywhere...is good you have address this....
Well, I can only say that my impression of the tactics of the associate of "certain individuals" you have challenged to debate are consistent with gaslighting. I was reminded of the tactics used by Scientology, the ones "Anonymous" used to protest before they got infiltrated and famous. I was certainly not trying to get attention or aggrandize myself, I was trying to coordinate getting delegates (including my husband and myself) funded using steemit. The attacks were bizarre - I was still a political supporter, I would have still donated and voted... I guess I am glad I saw the truth before I got in any deeper. But it ain't you, not how I see it.
Nice Video bro!
LIKE
Well, in my country exist a popular phrase that goes something like this: "nobody is a gold coin to please everyone". So, sometimes, we hurt susceptibilities and our words are misinterpreted.
All of us had lived it. Stay calm. This too shall pass.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful information
Great article