Photo by Mateusz Raczynski on Unsplash.com
Adam raised his wrist to check the time again. "It's getting dark, Evans."
He could see Evan's scowl as the evening sky darkened. Evans responded, "I'm telling you, I know this road. It leads to my aunt's house. We are almost there. Just a couple of miles more through the cornfield."
Adam sighed, "I promise to never spend my last cash on girls again. I should be home by now!"
Both fifteen-year-old boys were exhausted from walking. They had squandered their pocket money to impress two teenage girls at the trade fair hoping they would get a free ride home. It was a very hot summer afternoon and only two cars drove past them. None of them stopped.
"Are you sure we have not missed our way again?" Adam asked, looking nervous.
"Shut up!" Evans gritted his teeth and turned abruptly, forcing Adam to stop walking, their pointed noses touching each other. "Do you have a better idea? 'Cause I'm the only one coming up with the ideas here. Huh?"
"And you are the one who came up with the ridiculous idea to buy those girls trinkets and ice cream!" Adam retorted.
The crickets and nocturnal insects chirping from the bush around the tarred road made the silence jarring.
"Boys! Where y'all headed tonight?"
Adam and Evans were surprised to know they were not alone. A tall man most likely in his sixties but looking slightly older, skin saggy and sallow from high alcohol consumption, strolled towards them. His bulging, red eyes had bags under them, his thick moustache and beard appeared unkempt.
He stank of sweat, bile and alcohol, making the boys step back a little from him. The man staggered a little, smacked his lips together savouring the lingering taste of beer in his mouth.
"Um, we are headed towards the bayou, sir," Evans said, pulling Adam's forearm so they could walk away from the drunk old man.
"This time of the night?"
"We are almost there."
The man chuckled. "I know but you cannot pass through that cornfield. Don't know if you're from around here but folks here know the scarecrow there moves at night. Seen it myself. I think they are more than one. Kids have been known to go missing in that cornfield."
Adam and Evans looked at each other, communicating with their eyes. Old man's clearly drunk and crazy. Let's go!
"Um, thank you sir", Evans said. He pulled Adam and they both walked away leaving the old man rambling behind.
"Do you think he's right?" Adam asked.
"Pff, you saw him. He's drunk. Don't worry, we are almost at the cornfield. We'll run through, come out on the other side and we are home free!" Evan sounded optimistic.
It was a moonless night with tiny stars in the sky. The boys veered off the tarred road into the cornfield which was a shortcut to Aunt Ivy's house. As they briskly walked among the tall corn stalks, they could see the scarecrow hung on a tall stick in the middle of the field.
"We-we don't have to walk close to it, right?" Adam asked, out of breath.
"No. Don't believe what that old drunk said. Let's walk faster that way." Evan pointed at a distance far behind the scarecrow.
As they walked, suddenly little sounds of thump, thump, thump filled the air. "What's that?" Adam whispered. Both boys turned to look behind them. The scarecrow was no longer on its stick. It walked towards them. The corn stalks around it swayed, creating a path for the scarecrow to pass through.
"Um, are you seeing what I am seeing?!" Adam's voice shook in fear. Evans had broken out in a sweat and breathing through his mouth.
"It's walking towards us!" Adam screamed.
"S-S-S-SAVE ME-E-E." A hoarse whisper echoed on the cornfield.
"Adam," Evans' voice shook. "Don't look at it. Let's run!"
As the boys ran, the scarecrow ran after them. Evans overtook Adam a little. With his lungs screaming for relief, Adam still looked back to see how close the scarecrow was. He sighted another scarecrow, a scarier one, following the first scarecrow.
"Evans! Look! There are two of them!"
"Are you crazy, Adam? Don't look at them!" Evans screamed back.
Then Adam's foot got caught in an old tree stump and he fell hard on the ground. Evan stopped abruptly, rushed back to pull Adam up when the first scarecrow appeared before them in a blink.
"S-S-S-SAVE ME-E-E," it whispered through its mouth that had been sewn with thick thread. Evan and Adam stared wide-eyed in shock. Evan, trying to be brave, went closer and punched it in the stomach area.
"Leave us alone!"
The scarecrow staggered back a little from the blow and whispered again, "S-S-S-SAVE ME-E-E." It raised its hand to point to its mouth area.
Evan was going to hit it again when Adam shouted, "Wait!"
He held Evans' fisted hand, starring at the face of the scarecrow made of grain sack fabric. Adam's hand shook as he raised it close to the scarecrow's face. He gently pulled the end of the thread sticking out from the side of its mouth.
As the thread pulled loose, the scarecrow collapsed like a piece of clothing, straw scattered into the air and an ethereal, filmy form of a lanky, teenage boy emerged from the scarecrow and hung in the air.
Evan watched in shock.
"NOOOOOO!" A deep voice boomed in the middle of the cornfield. It was the other scarecrow running towards them.
The boy smiled at them. "T-t-thank y-y-you-u for s-s-saving me. I am free-e-e. N-now run out of this field-d-d!" The boy whispered as he vanished.
Evans and Adam ran for their lives. They burst out of the cornfield onto a tarred road as the sun began to rise on the horizon. They looked back. The scarecrow was back on its stick in the middle of the cornfield.
This is my entry to The Ink Well Summer Contest. Word count is 986. To participate, click HERE
This story is inspired by one of the Log lines which says - When two boys are walking through a corn field, they see a scarecrow… and realize it is walking ominously toward them.
A scary story of scarecrow. The flow of story is good with well written dialogues and scenes. However, I desperately wanted to know the secret of scarecrow. I mean why it was running after boys. Was it haunted or something else like this
Hello @amberkashif! To answer your question, the old drunk explained to the boys that children who go through the cornfield usually go missing.
Meaning the scarecrow takes them and they are never found. So when it noticed the presence of the two boys, it or they came alive and pursued them.
I hope this answers your question. Thanks a lot for your kind comment. 🙂
Greetings, @kemmyb!
Your story is fantastic! full of emotion.
I felt like rushing through it to get out of the fear it gave me, putting myself in the place of the teenagers.
I thought the setting was perfect and the treatment of tension very good.
I felt like reaching out my hand to help the scarecrow in distress.
You might want to stop at this beautifully constructed image.
After thanking the spectral form it disappears saying that it is free…
I feel this resolution is a bit up in the air, I think it's a very generative image.
I know you will rewrite the story, keeping to the word limit, and I already want to be surprised by the final result.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Hello @gracielaacevedeo! Thank you so much for your kind comment. I'm glad the story had this much effect on you.
Wow, thanks for this suggestion. It captured my intent exactly. I'll definitely edit my story to reflect it.
Thank you! 🙂
What an excellent story, Kemmy!!!
You had me hooked from the beginning, the only possible suggestion would be for the old man to tell us a little tale about the field. But you really can't with the word count :(
Hi @wrestlingdesires! Agreed! After reading through the story again and the helpful suggestions given by other writers, I'll edit the story so the old drunk tells us more about the cornfield.
Thank you for the suggestion. I appreciate you stopping by. 🙂
My pleasure :) I have a feeling that your story will do really well :)
This is one helluva thriller. I'm reminded of "In the Tall Grass" as I read through. The clarity of your description of the drunk is applaudable.
There's not much to correct here but like most have pointed out, there seems to be inconsistency with the name of one of your characters, Evans, to be precise.
Also, I think a little more light should be shed as to whether the second scarecrow is the real evil or just another trapped teenager.
Hehe, I have never watched In the Tall Grass but I get what you mean.
Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad to know you liked the story. I appreciate your suggestions as well and will work on expounding more on the scarecrows. 🙂
Great first draft, @kemmyb! You've received some great feedback, so I'll just add a few thoughts to the mix.
First, I thought your opening was great. You balanced setting up the situation and conflict with providing information about what brought the boys to this place at this time. It's a perfect setup. Well done!
I have a few editorial suggestions and one thought about your ending.
In the following, "Adam sighed" should be it's own sentence that ends in a period. Then the dialog is clearly something that he says. But he can't "sign" a sentence.
In the following, you have two sentences connected by a comma instead of a period. You can either separate them into two sentences or add the word "and" before "his thick moustache."
I think you should distinguish the two scarecrows a bit more. You have an opportunity here:
What is scarier about it? Can they see black holes for eyes? Does it have visible teeth? Or maybe it could have some really distinguishing characteristic. What if it's carrying a scythe or an axe? Then in the end, you could make it clear which scarecrow is back on the stick. That was one thing that was slightly unclear to me. I figured it out. But at first I wasn't sure which of the scarecrows was back on its stick.
Good luck in the contest!
Hi, I think you might want to do the edit soon, Kemmy :) I really think this could be a winner!
Hello! Hehe, I'm already working on the edit...Been busy lately.
Thank you so much for the reminder. I'll make sure to post my story before the end of today. 🙂
Be sure to let me know so I can read it, please :) I'm curious if anything can be much better!!!
Certainly! Will do. I'll very much appreciate your feedback.
Thank you @aimharryianne for the compliments and your feedbacks.
I'll work on the edit and see how I can add more information about the scarecrows. 🙂