No, it’s not about fiction. Let’s talk about me, you and all of us. What’s inside of us, around us, what affects us, and how to really take care of us. Let’s talk about you. ‘What does self-love mean to you?’
I got some good feedback from my twitter fam:
async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8">Working on a piece, so I just wanna know: What is self love to you?
Nefertiti (@__Layemi) 13 December 2018
This post will mostly be about what it means to really look after yourself, and why real change starts from within. I’ve carefully titled it ‘INTROSPECT’, meaning to look inwards, to examine one’s own thought or feelings. Note that I will also be proof-reading and doing the little exercises along with you. We’re going to re-examine our care (or lack thereof) of our minds, bodies, and souls.
Do you speak to yourself?
No, it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. On the contrary, it shows you’re one of the sanest ones out there—here’s why. I talk to myself sometimes, mostly because there are some things, I don’t trust myself to divulge with another human being, and yeah, the obvious trust issues that come with baring it all to someone.
So yeah, talk to yourself. Argue. Deliberate. Advice. Decide. Most of the time, we think we don’t know the answers to our problems, or that advice is better when it comes from someone other than yourself—well, your own advice is just as good. Something that has really helped me every now and then, are self-love affirmations. I know, I know, it sounds weird but trust me, you can’t adequately pinpoint how you want someone else to love you if you don’t DIY this shit. While brushing your teeth in the morning, in the shower, taking a dump before you start your day, say shit like this to yourself. You’re welcome . It helped me better understand myself in the sense that I would speak the truth to myself. ‘You don’t need this stress’ ‘you need to stop doubting you’ ‘That can’t be all you got, you can always do better’ –it gave me the strength to create room for myself to grow; to do something to change what I cannot accept about myself.
Exercise No. 1—Think of something/things you love hearing people say to you (literally, anything) and say them to yourself. You don’t have to speak about doing this to anyone but you-unless you want to.
Do You Listen To Yourself?
When your stomach growls, it can only mean one thing—go get something to eat. Think about listening to yourself in that way. Listen to the way your knees feel after that morning run. Listen to how the back of your throat itches after having too much sugar. Monitor your blood pressure and never let anything spike it up. Listen to your thoughts when you’re up too early. Listen to yourself. Listen like you and you went out on a date and you’re asking yourself questions about things that you would want to know about yourself. I promise you, you’re not crazy—you’re just getting to know yourself and listen more. So my question is: ‘Are you listening?’
Exercise No. 2— Look at your old pictures. Choose one of them that you really like, I mean, really focus on it. What is that thing that you wish the version of you (the person you used to be) in that picture could hear from you right now? Is there anything you would say to change the actions you took between ‘you back then’ and ‘you now’?
Do you Think about yourself?
I need you to try and think. I used to think I thought about myself—my past, present and future, but the events of this past year have really gotten me to realize that in order for me to live the life I truly want, I’m going to have to stop telling myself or other people that I’m thinking about my life and actually start thinking about my life. In my past relationships with people in general, I’ve discovered that I would do this thing where I would put my thoughts, dreams, plans on pause because I was so focused on the growth/healing/challenge of the other person—I would literally melt into said significant other. Never Again. You can’t give anyone (your parents, your children, your partner) your best if you’re not thinking about being your best self.
From now on [actually started this in November 2018], I’m tasking myself to think about what i want my final destination to be in every aspect of my life, then think about how I’m going to get there, then I’ll start planning the journey; thought by habit, by action. I need you to really [really] make up your mind about yourself.
Exercise No. 3—write down aspects of yourself you’re unsure about (again, could be anything). Write them down. Every day, take each one of those items and research on how to be a better person with respect to each of these items. Research is power, kids.
Above all else, remember that changing [for] yourself isn’t something that you need to do with anyone else’s permission. Nobody can feel the itch that happens when you’re dying to make a change to anything that's bothering you. Nobody else is awake with you when you’re thinking about what next, about how badly you need money/need to live comfortably. You are the one in your body, and that’s all the explanation you owe to anyone.
Thank you so much for your time <3
P.s.: Feel free to share with whoever you think may need to read this.
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