“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” - Plato
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As I was sitting here drinking a rosé, John Mayer’s song “Say” started playing on my playlist. Memories came flooding back to me. This year has had its ups and downs but it opened my eyes to so many things.
I never realized how much self growth I would go through these past several years. After losing my husband to congestive heart failure in 2013, my world was turned upside down. Feeling raw and in pain from losing the love of my life at that time, I didn’t know which direction I was going to go in. I knew I had to fight to keep going, but how was I going to do that? I had no idea.
So, all I did was take it day by day. I found one reason each morning to wake up. Sometimes, it would be for my cat alone. Other times, it was to help somebody else.
For those of you who know me, you know that I have always had a deep desire to help others. That is just part of who I am; part of my soul. If I can help one person each day, I can go to sleep that night happy.
So, I dove into the one thing I loved ever since I was a kid - writing. I was able to express myself in written form, no matter what I was feeling or what I was going through. Words gave me comfort. They gave me a better way to express myself than I could verbally. They served me well, especially during that time.
Ultimately, words always came through for me. They never failed me once.
The past couple of years, however, proved to be different. Every time I would sit down to write a blog post to express what was on my heart, the words wouldn’t come. It didn’t matter if I was in front of my computer or tucked away with a pen and paper. The result was the same. The words would not flow.
So, for awhile, I gave up.
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In March 2018, my life changed once again. After returning home from a wonderful trip to NYC, I ended up in the hospital shortly after with pneumonia and influenza b. My lungs were filled with liquid, which caused one to shut down and the other was barely working. It caused me to end up in the ICU and the doctors didn’t think I would survive.
My memories of the whole time are super cloudy, but there was one day I do remember vividly. At that time, I was almost completely unconscious. I remember envisioning myself swimming in a sea, dark as night. My soul was deciding whether to let go of this life and I knew it. I was so exhausted and mentally drained from fighting to live so it was tempting to allow myself to slip into the comfort of the watery darkness.
Just as I was about to let go, a warm white light penetrated the darkness I was in. It was so bright that I turned to look at it. It reached my heart and surrounded me with its warmth. As it grew warmer and brighter, I suddenly realized what I was feeling - it was LOVE.
It was everyone’s prayers, love and healing energy, all rolled into one. It was giving me life again and as I felt the energy healing my heart, I saw the phrase “Keep Fighting” in my mind.
Then, an image of Wonder Woman appeared and she placed her sword in front of me. I looked down and felt myself pick it up. I knew I had to fight.
Slowly, I came back to consciousness and healed more and more each day. For awhile after that, I was filled with an inner peace that I had never known.
This awakening made me fight to live and stay in this life. It gave me a second chance to approach things from a perspective of love in all forms. It was to keep working on my self growth; to become a better person and evolve.
The power of love heals. It transcends all boundaries and I am living proof of that.
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Now, a year later, I am feeling that creativity come back to me, especially writing. So, I made a promise to myself to write something every day. Some things will be published on my blog and some won’t be. There are some topics that are too personal to share right now as I continue through the healing process.
But this is to thank everyone who has been such a huge support to me through these times and I also thank the #STEEM community for taking time to read this deeply personal post. Your time and respect are truly valued.
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PIXINSPIRATIONS:
Remember, shine your inner light because you ARE worthy!