As a kid, I would sit back and observe the world and even if I wanted to participate, I wouldn't put my hand up, I wouldn't volunteer - I would stand back and wait until more often than not, the opportunity would be gone. This habit has followed me through my life and even now, I am shy to try, sitting back and observing, later wishing I had the balls to step up. I am getting better at this, but it is still an issue.
I recognize the same thing in Smallsteps.
I was thinking about this after a comment from @mikezillo on a recent poem and how likely unbeknownst to most, it is a real challenge for me to do. Not only is there the challenge of writing them, as I am not poetically inclined, but there is also the personal exposure, as they tend to be built from my own experiences throughout my life, the same as my daily writing.
Similar to trying something new, there is a vulnerability involved that I am never quite comfortable with, but I persevere, because I know it is valuable for me to make the attempt, more so as it is not in my wheelhouse of skills. It is because of this that it is more valuable, because it is one of the processes that allows for exploration and reflection, and even as I write them, I can feel the discomfort in me, viscerally and physically. It is like my body is telling me to stop.
Should I?
I don't think so, because I believe that our intuitions are nowhere near as clever as we give them credit, especially in the younger people. Intuition is built without conscious reasoning, however it is also filtered through our experiences, which means it is going to always be wary of what it doesn't know, and that wariness comes through as discomfort, or fear. Shying away from participation because of this kind of intuitive feeling, is not intuitive intelligence, it is habitual avoidance.
Our habit is to fear the unknown, not explore it.
Writing a poem is such an easy task to do, yet it comes laden with a host of other factors that we have that hold us back from trying, like the judgement of good or bad from the crowd. It is like music, no one really has o be ab le to play an instrument or sing, to know whether a song resonates with them or not - and poetry is definitely unpopular as a means of communication these days.
Smallsteps is much like me, however the difference between her and I is that when I was her age, I didn't have the guidance of a parent to bring perspective, to help me question my own behavior, as I was largely left to my own devices. This had benefits too, but it meant that there was only trial and error and if I didn't trial, there was no error - so I also didn't learn a lot of what I could have, unless forced by life. Because life wasn't so pleasant, when I did get the opportunity to choose, I chose not to, because my experience was that most things sucked.
Perhaps Smallsteps will have an advantage of active parents that I didn't have, but this also comes with the potential disadvantage of becoming reliant on them for her wellbeing, deferring her decision making to us, rather than trusting herself. Being a follower carries just as much (if not more) risk than being a trailblazer, because direction is dictated by others, whether it be parents, peers or culture - and they don't have to experience the consequences directly. Peers and culture don't even have any personal skin in the game, so what are the chances of them being good guides?
They still aren't objective.
I dislike being shy to try, but over the last few years I think I have been doing a better job of going out on limbs and reaching outside of comfort zones with what I do. It isn't necessarily anything crazy, but for me and my personality, it is different. The more exposure I open myself too, the more risk, but at the same time, the more I learn about what I know, what I don't and where I can improve. Avoiding the failure might keep me safe for a time, but over time, it will only lead to weakness through no longer being able to deal with a world that is always changing.
Just think about all the people who know that crypto exists, know that there is some chance that it is going to impact on their lives in the future, yet have done nothing to understand even the basics. Their decision not to learn doesn't keep them safe, it does the opposite, it opens them up to risks that they don't even know exist. Similarly, even though we might be safe staying in our comfort zones, the more we do so, the less we start to understand about our world, our place in it and how we are going to react when it does eventually and inevitably impact upon us.
As far as I go, I want to be someone who is curious enough about the world to keep exploring it, even though the more I do so, the greater the risks might be that I discover challenges I cannot meet. However, I also want to set an example for my daughter that failure is okay, that it is part of the process, that there is value and opportunity in it that far outweigh the risks of it, or the rewards of *staying the same.
None of us remain the same.
No matter how hard we try, we are always going to fail to remain unchanged, so what we should do, is find the best ways to change. Rather than shy away from what we don't know, we should dig deep, find the words that help us move, and boldly meet possibility head on. We might fail, there will always be a cost, but the return for our experience means it will likely be worth opening up our
proverbial wallets, and paying.
Fortune favors the bold.
It doesn't mean caution can't also be applied.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I was talking to a business leader today discussing how out of fashion discomfort is. The boomers and xers were told their feeling Ms didn’t matter, they were experts at nothing and all that matters is the tireless grind of hard work. Not the best recipe for avoiding burnout and focusing on happiness enough to make it a priority.
Now, people seem to have swung to the far other side where inconvenience is even classified as pain and discomfort is blamed for unhappiness.
I find these truths to be self evident as we right our ships:
There is no progress without discomfort.
There is no learning without failing.
We take ourselves a little too seriously.
Our impulses are there for our intellect to process only as a point of reference, not the definitive path.
I tell my little ones that being good at something has always been a decision followed by an action followed by discipline followed by consistency. That and nobody gets to be good at anything unless they can enjoy being bad at it first.
So let us focus on the fun of learning, accept the losses as learning opportunities and embrace the discomfort for the rare air it will afford us.
I'd take it a step further, where anything uncomfortable is seen as violence. It is pathetic - the only way to learn is to be uncomfortable.
We live in a culture of "show your feelings" - without any regard to their validity or the consequences of your reactions to them.
Funny how I can think I am kind and tolerant and the whole world shifts to suddenly make me a grumpy boomer! Faith in humanity wavering but things will swing back once a collective tries that path and fails. 'Til then, there are fewer runners in the race to success to get in the way!
Grumpy Boomers are only seen that way by people who don't yet understand the realities of the world.
I am similar in this regard - I tend to shy away from things especially if there is a possibility to be judged by people I respect. It's probably why I never post anything in photography lovers, I don't feel I meet the standard and don't want to be vulnerable. Avoidance isn't the answer though.
My parents never ever taught me about failure. To them, there was no such thing. They set the highest standards for everyone close to them and would never accept sub-par. I fortunately was scared enough to excel academically even though my heart was never really in it. It's left a mark though where I was that kid that would always look for direction from them and never from myself. It's not a good idea - we all grow up and need to be able to make our own decisions and choose our own path.
Write poetry if you want to but not because you have to.
It is interesting to consider though, that it is the precise place where you would connect with people who can also help you if you want, or support you in what you are already doing.
It sounds like I was a bit of the opposite from you in terms of parenting, as there was no expectation on me at all. It was almost like I didn't exist (most of the time), other than being another mouth to feed. Just kind of present, but not really seen. It has had an affect too.
That's true. I'll take some nice ones and see what happens 🙂
Hmmm, that's so not what I would want for any child, that must have felt pretty shit, I'm sorry.
I used to be that one, but as years passed by, I changed, and now somehow I can switch from introverted to extroverted and vice-versa. It is effortless to be introverted, and I put in some effort to be extroverted, but it is doable.
What helped me, at some moment, I learned to fight my own routines and try not to be easy to be anticipated, if you know what I mean. It is a bit like a game, start small, and never do things in the same way. Always go to school/work on another street, and do some things that you like differently. And try to test your limits at least trying some things that make you uncomfortable. Touc a cat, a dog, a horse, learn to swim, run quick, run slow and cover a lot of distance, learn a martial art, anything that makes you break the walls that you build around yourself. And once the walls are not there, you are adaptable, and you can do anything you put your mind on, just because you started to enjoy a challenge.
Fight comfort and routine, at least from time to time.
Is it effortless, or is there still the desire to participate, but not the ability? Does that create some internal conflict?
And this adaptability and versatility is what gives someone the best chance to survive a rapidly shifting world.
As you know, I often write about how we hold ourselves back out of convenience and this is the challenge these days. There are so many ways to make us feel like we are learning, experiencing new, but not actually doing anything at all. Being aware is the first step.
'It is effortless to be introverted,'
In terms of solitude versus loneliness, at least for me, I always find comfort in solitude, but this is me. I enjoy spending time alone more than I as enjoy spending time with others
I can relate to it as I was not very active and talktive child it effects mrle in highschool but I tried hard to change and make friends with quality and like-minded people
Do you remember what was the event that made you try and change?
When I tried talking to girls I thought I need to change
I am the same person as you. And I think there are millions of people in the whole world who just sit and just observe. The main thing which always remain in my mind is that the people who are speaking knew more than me. It's common thinking in my mind and I always consider them as leader. I always say that they can speak because they have knowledge. Meanwhile I also know that I have better knowledge but I remain quite.
Moreover, I wish smallsteps will learn things from you and she speaks Infront of hundreds to billions and keep her perspective alive.
It is a funny thing that you mention, as you are right, the people who talk sound like they know, because they can be heard. No one can listen to the silent.
The difference between this generation and previous generations is that they have guidi
ance; however, we had only guardiance. Most of us grew up on their own, faced the difficulities of life and gained experience earlier.
The "freedom" did mean we learnt earlier - at least that was true for me. Being left alone to essentially fend for myself, means that I learned a lot of things that kids don't learn until much later in life these days.
Yeah, I think there are going to be a lot of people kicking themselves when they realize they should have went out on a limb and not dismissed this crypto stuff. I think a lot of times for me I think things are going to be too hard. It isn't that I don't like a challenge, but I get frustrated pretty easy, so I tend to put stuff off that I think is going to be difficult.
This I get! I also feel like I dismiss it as "something I can do" but not willing to put in the work. I wonder what skills I would have if I had just tried a little more.
No kidding! We'd both be highly skilled!
Small steps really have a better guidance and upbringing because I feel you wouldn't want her to experience the same part of upbringing you experience when you were growing up.
I hope she doesn't end up like me, but at the same time, I think I am the perfect person to take her down that path.
You are arising a good point here. When parents are dynamics and continuously moving, usually kids may have the tendency of growing more inertial and reluctant BUT if the parents are going to stimulate the kid, making him/her facing challenges to get what they want, they will naturally become more and more dynamic as well, using the parents as a model and not as a pillow
I like this expression. I feel a lot of kids today are wrapped away from not having to face real decision making and the consequences. Yet, they are expected to grow to make good decisions in the future, having never learned how.
"Finding the best ways to change", this phrase really resonated with me. We know that the only constant thing is change, so I think it is appropriate that we can reflect on this point and apply it in our daily life, because, as you say, we will always fail, however, that means we are doing something, as fear or without it, but we are doing it.
If we are going to change regardless, we should at least try to change in ways that improve our experience.
I have a huge problem with being shy as well. And even on ridiculous levels, and even at the current age. For me, it's a bit the opposite because when I was a kid I was more independent than I currently am, lol, and everything seemed a lot easier for me from shopping alone to meeting new people and exploring new places. Now everything is a pain and I become more and more addicted to my comfort zone which starts being really unhealthy sometimes...
It's the NYer in me to do it loud and do it proud. We don't have time to stand around and be shy.
Your poetry is beautiful!