Believe me, when I say everyone has experienced sad days, there are days you feel like you aren't doing anything productive, and days you feel you're not worth anything, days you feel unhappy due to the occurrences of disappointment, these feelings are what make us human, we feel sad when we lose a loved one, sad days are bound to happen but what turns sadness into a mental problem is "Depression" which is an intense feeling of sadness.
Have I suffered from depression? There was a point in my life when I felt like I had depression well it started when I lost my mother, the only surviving parent I had, I wasn't expecting anything of that sort to happen, I never imagined it to happen so soon, at the time it happened I was so sad, broken and lonely cause my mum was like my everything, she meant the whole world to me, I couldn't imagine myself living without her cause I was very close to her more than my other siblings.
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When it happened nothing made me happy, I was just stagnant at a spot, the worst part was not knowing what I wanted at the same time, thinking I wasn't worth the good things of life cause I wasn't seeing anything good happening in my life, I stayed like that for months, I wasn't even talking to people, I was just in my shell, the only comfort I had was myself, depriving myself of food, my elder sister came to me one morning with teary eyes, soon as I saw her, I opened my mouth and the first words I uttered was " I was tired of living" then she ran outside called my aunty, they came back into the room together and she asked what I said, I repeated the same thing, my aunty hugged me and held my face up and was looking directly into my eyes, I saw tears rolling down her eyes like water, the first words she said that I memorize everyday even till this moment she said " you're worth living and don't never those words again" she made me promise her I wasn't gonna repeat those words, after that conversation, I went into the restroom looked myself in the mirror and told myself I wasn't gonna repeat those words.
After that day, my friends came to the house to take me somewhere, when we got to the venue, the conversations we had, and the smiles on their faces made me smile, staying around them made me realize my life was worth living and from that moment what I did was imagined nothing happened even if the reality was saying a different thing. Most times when this flashback came to me, I'd be like, what if I'd ended my life what would have happened to my siblings right now I'm glad I was able to get over that feeling cause if I hadn't I wouldn't be experiencing the love we are sharing now.
The lesson I can pick out from my experience is to never deprive myself of happiness, everything happens for a reason and there are some things I can't change so I just have to accept whatever has happened, pick up the pieces make it whole, and move on, cause life is worth living.
I'm glad your were able to overcome that state. It's never an easy thing to lose a loved one. It can drive anyone to sadness and depression. In your case, your friends and family were there for you and that's what matters.
Yeah, they were present at the time of my life I needed them most!! Here I am living like nothing happened.
I can't imagine how it was for your aunty to hold herself to tell you that. It is not so easy to encourage others when you are also expereincing same thing as they are.
Words can be powerful and effective when they are said intentionally and repeatedly.
Yeah, that's why I had to repeat those words, they built something inside of me!!!
I'm glad you are lived past that time.
Staying stagnant can be something that is often cruel, as the fatigue and exhaustion that it brings us is huge, but as you said yourself, you sought to change and leave your comfort zone, seeking to pursue your dream and happiness.
Yeah, I forced myself to leave my comfort zone and focus on the good things.
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