I sit down at the computer now at nearly 10 but I’ve been up for hours. Last night was a bit of a rough night of sleep but lately I can’t quite remember not having a rough night of sleep recently. At least last night I only had nightmares instead of lucid dreams. I can thank valerian root for that.
Eventually I need to face what I am dealing with in these dreams as well as fix my legal situation in the real world. I’m somewhat convinced my dreams of running from cops or running back to Mexico are rooted in fears of deportation. Remove the fear of deportation, remove the problem. Right?
I reached out and asked for dream help and many people mentioned microdosing, so I’m seeing what I can do to start that. I’m also going to have my friend import me some lions mane mushrooms, which are known to help with cognitive function and memory. For some reason, a tub of lions mane that costs 20 usd in the US costs almost 400 USD here in Mexico.
My day started with cleaning. I fed my dog, his usual mix of leftovers, rice and bones pressure cooked till they pulverize. Washed my dishes from yesterday as he ate.
This morning was spent cleaning my room. Things were more than a little bit messy after a recent heavy rain caused a bunch of roof leaks in my house. This is somewhat common in Mexico, we will have to recoat the roof which seems to last about 2 years.
In my house in Acapulco, it leaked every wet season. We had to put our electronics in leak proof areas during the rainy season and just deal with puddles because of the way our roof was designed.
I find that I do better with a clean and beautiful environment. The more stale my working environment is, the less I get done. The more dirty and disorderly, the same. For example if I walk around my studio and get stuff on the bottom of my feet, I’m generally so distracted by the texture of it that it makes me sweep the floor immediately.
When working, my mind is easily distracted. So when I look around and notice messes that need to be fixed, now they are all I focus on. With no messes, very few distractions.
Even now I literally just come back from a distraction, seeming like a friend I trust has had his facebook hacked by a phishing hacker. Interesting how that can happen.
Anyway days like today it’s hard to focus. I’ve got work to do, like several podcasts to edit, transcription work and writing a few posts for a blog. These are things I like to get done generally in the mornings, when inflammation and pain levels are at their lowest. This is also the easiest time to focus on tasks like that.
Without my bullet journal right now I would be lost. I put a lot of care into this months layout and trackers and I think it is going to save me some time and put things into better perspective. For example I put daily habits I’d like to establish in a chart with 30 days. I color in one square for each thing I do a day, and it will show which habits are easier to establish and which aren’t.
Getting this sort of stuff out of my head and onto paper is literally the only reason executive dysfunction is no longer taking over my life.
What's Executive Dysfunction?
Yet another bit of my explained by autism. People with autism often struggle with planning, time management and other skills necessary for getting things done. We are known for starting things but never finishing them because we are often overwhelmed by all that we want to do. With proper time management techniques like bullet journal combined with David Allen’s Getting Things Done, we can overcome these hurdles and get producing again.
Before I thought I was more or less broken. Doomed to start new things just to be too overwhelmed to do them because of things like the fact that I don’t know how to prioritize. So when I wake up without things like a bullet journal, all I can think of are a million things I need and want to do with no idea of where to start.
Last night I didn’t post like planned because I took the evening off and did something I haven’t done in ten years. Anyone who knows me from my childhood knows I’ve been more or less obsessed with the game Spyro since I was 6. I set up an emulator on my computer last night and spent a few hours playing the second game, Ripto’s Rage.
And man it’s funny to consider where much of my view towards the world has come from. I identify heavily with Spyro, the little purple dragon trying to rid the world of tyrants one small quest at a time.
6pm
While I didn’t complete everything on my list for today I did manage to get a lot of it done, including a short notice transcription job that’s due tomorrow but done today. The reason I still manage to get a lot done while still dealing with executive dysfunction is partially because of mindset. See because of things like Pathological Demand Avoidance, I am straight up resistant to being told what to do. Often if I am told something or tell myself something in the wrong way, that is a way to guarantee that I won’t.
So I have to be careful with how I talk to myself. If I say “I have to work today or else” I’m setting myself up for a long day of anxiety and procrastination. But if I turn it into a game in which cryptocurrency is the prize (payment for jobs) it’s a lot easier to get more than expected done. For someone who tries to work every day, this is essential or I end up having days where I don’t get much done other than the basics it takes to survive, that is eating and showering ect.
Speaking of showering, I think it’s time I do so. Thanks for reading if you still are.
You might give this a once over and see what you think.
The-odin.com might still sell a diy mushroom kit that comes with online classes for 200usd, if that is within your budget and logistical means.