Time to write until I'm not feeling angsty

WHy not use this time productively

HA like anything I write right now will be any good. WHy am I so bad at typing? I mean seriously, I wrote meam three times before I got mean right!

booopy

Sneezerdoodles.

Things that I am thinking about. It all started yesterday. Or maybe it didn't what is going on. Here in no particular order are the things on my mind.

My audition. Did it go well? Horribly? Is it irrelevant because there's just a better look out there for this role?

My dad, who is dead, and has been for a year and a half and I really wish he weren't

My mom is selling the farm I grew up on, and aside from my selfish reasons for thinking she shouldn't sell the farm, I also think it's a bad idea both for her mental health and for her long term economic security, but she thinks that selling it is a good idea for exactly those reasons. My selfish reasons are that Stina and I would like to one day own the farm but can't afford it now. My unselfish reasons are that she's selling it because she and my sister think the market is over-hot right now, so it's a good time to sell and not buy, and I think that's unpredictable. I think they /could/ be right, but she could also be selling just as we're at the cusp of the economic collapse she's been predicting for 20 years, and it's not going to mean real estate drops, but rather that the value of dollars drops, so what she gets out of the farm financially won't be enough, if she's waiting for real estate to drop, for her to get something she's happy with. I also think, if this societal collapse she expects happens, the farm would be a good place to be.
I also also think that she blames external things for her unhappiness, but the things that make her unhappy are going to travel with her wherever she moves, and I /know/ that there are things on the farm that jolt her out of those depressive moments and make her happier.

But no good can come of my expressing these thoughts to my mom. And, of course, I am unsure. That is my blessing and curse. I am always aware that I don't know for sure what will make others happy. My mom is a certain person. Sometimes she is right and sometimes she is wrong, but she is certain.

Le sigh. My kid should be napping right now, and I thought he was, but he is not.

I am starting two new jobs. I'm a little angsty about them. Or, maybe not angsty exactly, but they're new, and so I don't yet know that I'm great at them. I can't rely on my steady sense memory of how things are supposed to go for either of them.

I have to go prep for one, so I guess I'm done writing.