As many of you know I became a mother quite recently, three months ago to be exact. These three months were some of the hardest ones in my entire life, but also a time where I learned a lot about myself and other people.
You can expect that my blog will change in the future, depending on my free time and recent events. But I will always try to keep my mind open for new experiences and lessons.
Being a parent is hard:
I never imagined that such a tiny person, aka baby, would demand so much attention. As a nursing mother it looked like I was feeding him around the clock the first month, day and night. Sometimes I hardly had time to eat or take a shower, but I did have time to read while he was nursing (since it took him about 40 minutes, every 2 hours in the beginning). In one of those long, lonely nights while he was eating, I stumbled upon a text (in my native language) and found it very interesting. It was about some tribes where it's perfectly ok for the whole tribe to take care of one and every baby. So, not only parents had the "burden" of looking after the little ones, but every member was equally responsible for the well being of every child.
I suppose that makes sense in close communities, where you depend on each other. But what about modern society?
For example, my husband and I had no help with the baby, we did it all alone. Was it hard, yes. Would I change it, no.
Unwanted advice
The fact that we did it all alone doesn't mean we knew what we were doing. We read as much as we could and decided to lean on our instincts as parents, especially my instinct as a mother. That on the other hand didn't stop (almost) everyone else from giving advice.
Most of the advice came from relatives (via text or phone call), but some were from complete strangers on the street. The advice was there, but actual help wasn't.
Some sound ridiculous even now:
"He is crying because he is hungry" (even when he just ate)
"You dressed him too much/little"
"Pick him up/don't get him used to being held"
"He has to eat every three hours, never before"
So, one would assume that it really does take a village to raise a child, but in modern society only empty advice remained from that practice. No one offered much needed help around the house, preparing food or taking care of the baby so that I could catch on some sleep. I would welcome that kind of help any day, where giving advice when no one asked for it, only aggravated my sleep-deprived brain more.
I felt like I was doing something or everything wrong, and even when I tried my hardest someone was displeased with my parenting.
Only you know your child
Let's be honest, some people will have much more experience in raising a child than you, but that on the other hand doesn't mean that they know it all. There are no two same people in this world and there are no two same babies. I came to realize that since someone grew in my body for nine months I knew him better then anyone.
So we continued doing things mostly based on our feelings and it got us this far just fine.
Does it take a village? Yes!
But sometimes a village is three people and one dog :)
With love,
Tamara
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Congratulations on becoming a mother. I am a dad of two and the first three months (especially for your first child) can be pretty rough. Hang in there. It gets much better. Wait until they laugh.
Does it get easier? :D
Hmmmm easier? Lets just say .... different. :)
My oldest is 4 so I don’t know anything past that. It is amazing when they potty train though. Right now you might not think diapers are all that bad with their tiny breast milk poops but wait until they start eating solid foods.
It does get more enjoyable.
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Nawww! So good to see you again Tamara!
Some of my friends have had so many fights with their parents... one friend's parent doesn't believe in SIDS, another friend's inlaw would smoke outside and then come straight in and pick up their child...
Although, some of my friends have said their parents have been godsends... staying with them for 3 months at a time, letting the mother sleep in, etc.
You must be exhausted, there is literally no harder job, and we'd totally cook you up some batches of food if we were closer...
Don't let the advicers get you down... they're really just trying to bond with you and show off. It's the same if you have an obvious injury or have an accent, everyone has to tell you their relatable story.
Damn.. I was reading your comment thinking "How did I forget smokers?" :D It was soooo annoying!
Also, about the "relatable story", I call it "me too syndrome".. You know the drill?
- I have a problem, hear me out..
- Me too, let me tell you mine first
Thank you so much for reading my blog and taking the time to write a comment, it made my day!
As for the food, I consider steemit my "soup for the soul" :D
Gosh, such a gorgeous post, @tamacvet <3 I think your spirits really shone through how you narrate this beautiful publication :)
I love that you reflect on an age-old adage that it takes a whole village to raise a child, but also reflect on modern society's conditions, which has reduced the principles only to people giving you advice (even when they are not sought for!)
Parenting is certainly a difficult and often under-appreciated venture. I, for one, admire all the parents in the world :) I hope you will continue to share your journey as a mother with us~
Those photos are absolutely stunning, too! * ___ *
And a tiny village of 3 persons and a dog is still very much a valid village in my book, to be sure ! :D
Hey @veryspider
First, thanks for reading my blog and leaving a comment. I love to interact with people here!
I tried my best to write something educational and from the heart as well, like I always do.
My talented husband (the photographer), my little dog (the guardian of the village), baby Theodore and myself send you lots of love!
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Нек је жив и здрав, @tamacvet! Како се јуначина зове?
Hvala @lighteye!
Junak je Teodor, ono kao dar Boziji, jer su mi rekli da necu imati dece :D
recommend you!
It is best to separate the dog from the child.
Because the body of baby is still very poor,
Dogs can easily cause allergies in babies.
children need cribs,Baby need to sleep alone.
If the baby sleeps with other people that he Easy to be crushed death.