I've long been critical of the discourse around masculinity. For the archetypal right-winger, masculinity means machismo, at least mild sexism, the rugged loner individualist who picks a fight and never cries because Men Are Supposed To Be Strong(tm). For the archetypal left-winger, the word "masculinity" is simply never uttered without the word "toxic" before it, because anything that implies males and females are different at all is inherently misogynist and thus destructive and we must not allow differences to exist.
You can probably tell from my tone just how much contempt I have for both modes of discourse.
A large part of the issue is that the Left seems incapable of offering a coherent concept of masculinity that it doesn't deem "toxic" that is not defined in negative terms — not this traditional thing that is now negative, not that traditional thing that is now negative, etc. — or in terms that are traditionally viewed as feminine. That's not to say that femininity is bad, but if your answer to "what is positive masculinity" is basically "traditional femininity," then you don't have a useful answer.
The Right, meanwhile, doesn't offer an alternative at all, doubling down on the idea that emotionally cold, violence-prone, sex-obsessed tough guys is the one and only natural state for males, despite the blatantly obvious psychological damage that does to men everywhere.
If we want to have a meaningful and positive understanding of masculinity, then we need to have examples of it that we can collectively agree are good role models. There is some discourse on that, but far too little and it's usually drowned out by the loud-mouths on both sides.
I'd like to offer a case in point of positive masculinity for consideration: The show Forged in Fire.
Forged in Fire is a competition TV show on the History Channel, and available streaming on Hulu. In structure, it follows the same basic pattern as a cooking show but for blacksmiths making knives and swords. And it is, in a word, delightful.
The basic premise is, on its face, begging for over-the-top machismo: Competitive weapons making. The contestants are overwhelmingly male (as is the bladesmithing community generally, from what I understand). In the seven seasons I've watched so far there have been less than a dozen women on the show. The judges are all male. They even go all-in on puns whenever possible. (What sexists would call "dad jokes," despite puns being a sign of intelligence from both men and women.)
It would be so incredibly easy for the show to go all in on competitive over-the-top testosterone: destroying your opponent, talking smack about people's work, etc. All of those oppressive "toxic" things that the left laments and the right celebrates. And yet... it doesn't. It does the exact opposite.
When the judges are reviewing a contestant's blade, they go out of their way to find positive things to say. They complement the work, they complement the contestant's worth ethic, their dedication... Criticism is always couched in complement. When eliminating a contestant, the judges always talk about how great the contestant did, except for whatever it is that wasn't as good as their competitors. The host never announces "who the loser is" or "who we're getting rid of" or anything dismissive like that. It's always "the contestant leaving the forge is..." followed by "your blade did not make the cut." Not "it sucked" or "please stop" or anything of the sort you'll hear on American Idol, just an objective and neutral pun.
When there's an especially young contestant, the judges go out of their way to provide encouragement and praise for him, both to the audience and to the contestant if he's eliminated. The running commentary while contestants are working is similarly supportive. "Yes, I love seeing that." "Oh no, please don't do that." "He's struggling, I hope he can pull this off." Etc. It always comes from a perspective of the judges wanting to see the contestants succeed, and wanting them to make their job as judges as hard as possible. On the rare occasion there is a female contestant, there is exactly zero negativity or "just a girl" or anything of the sort. She's there to compete on equal footing and that's exactly what she gets.
That attitude extends to the contestants, too. There's little if any "I'm going to crush my opponents" from the contestants. Half of them don't even say they're there to win, but to challenge themselves. They complement each other's work. Several contestants, when eliminated, talk about how they've become such good friends with the other contestants on the show (presumably off-camera; the show is filmed over several days). From time to time they'll offer advice to each other during the timed competition; nothing major or detailed, but they'll point out something someone missed. In some episodes, the contestants need to all harvest scrap steel from some object (an old car, a suit of armor, etc.) and invariably they immediately start working together to harvest material as efficiently as possible for everyone. When someone is eliminated, more often then not they share a hug with the remaining contestants on the way out.
Is some of that positivity and camaraderie between contestants a result of selective editing? Almost certainly, but that just proves the point even more: The show's editors and producers go out of their way to show positive and supportive peer-interaction between competing guys rather than manufacturing drama and strife the way so many reality shows do. That is exactly what we want and need.
I think an episode from season seven exemplifies this attitude best. It was one of their themed shows; this time, the four contestants were a father and daughter and father and son. All four were nominally competing against each other, yet the two families couldn't help but talk about how proud of their family member they were, offer advice and support during the competition, and the dads even squeezed in a little help for their kids where they could, despite nominally competing against each other. Especially the father of the daughter.
It is, in a word, delightful. It's supportive. It's positive. It's an inherently masculine subject matter that is treated not touchy-feely, but still supportively, collaboratively, and positively. They don't pretend the field isn't overwhelmingly male dominated, but when women do show up they are shown welcomed on equal footing. (Again, is that the result of selective editing? I don't know, but if so, that still just proves the point.) It's exactly the sort of role models for men that we need these days.
I'm a hobbyist bladesmith myself, so the subject matter is inherently interesting to me. It may or may not be to you; that's fine. But I would encourage you to give it a trial watch, if only to see what positive masculinity can be. And if you have sons, watch it with them. There are so many lessons about temperament to learn from it, and I'm not talking about the steel.