What a past week this has been, I feel a slight sense of deja vue.
It's palpable - things aren't moving at all, there is an aura of stagnancy in the air and the ego feels rather helpless with it all, unable to pull itself out of this energetic vortex or should I say stone tunnel. Ahahaha. It's like no matter what I try I seem to achieve the opposite and even letting go and surrendering hasn't done it thus far. My inner world feels quite unstable and chaotic, but in the exterior everything has slowed to a standstill, like the deepest icy glacier in high summer.
It hasn't rained in two months so water will only be here for maybe to or three more weeks at best, the sun has been burning relentessly for a harsh ten weeks or so making the afternoons feel hollow and stagnant.
Creative energy is hard to come by because my lady and I saved a little dormice baby that now requires constant attention and nursing - getting up every two to three hours at night to feed it and clean it in the midsts of all of this, we are taking turns but we are hopeless wrecks by now, at times laughing at other times deeply saddened. Universe testing us to the extra mile and it is quite the challenge. Feels a bit like the quarantine time in our van last summer - only more luxurious and more drawn out ;)
My trading is suffering immensely under it all since I feel in no mind condition to approach the markets like this, I feel beside myself and I would like to believe I am wiser than to make stupid entries in a state of mind that would make driving or climbing a ladder dangerous ;)
At the same time we have our next leg of the journey approaching, leaving the valley after more than 10 months, and there is still a lot to do, things to prep and to get in order. It really feels like energy is flowing out of the valley here right now which has always been a great signal for us to move on the past year. It's just funny it always happens like this, even though we already decided we would leave here toward the end of August - still life has to somehow double down and make it abundantly clear that we can't or shouldn't stay ;)
Alright alright we're going already - end of the month and we're out of here.
So I am in turn surrendering again today, and will try to catch up on some sleep, keeping the faith and reminding myself just on how high of a level I am hurting here - we got food, we still have some water left and we are being tested in new ways forcing us to grow up even more. The little one is a reward in and of itself, we are immensely proud that he is growing up so well and that we are making it happen despite all our frustrations these days, so what more could I ask for?
And I got Hive to help me sort my thoughts, and I feel I have at least managed to do something meaningful today, if only to keep these weird energetic days on record for the family album, days as dry as the river bed down the valley.
But you know how it is, all that will remain of our time here is some lovely memories and all the skills we acquired, so what's a few weeks of energetic stagnation in the grand scheme of things? A story to be remembered one day, with a big smile and a hiss ;)
life is long and hard way