"Why is it that men are so obsessed with lingerie anyways...!?", there she stood, so strong, so feminine, hands on her hips, asking me with a bleeding serious frown on her face. And as I turned my head around to scan the room for more men like me, I was thinking about a good answer to serve her. "Really, it will be taken off once we're in bed, right, so what's the use...!?", nope, I did not think she really got it. Maybe I should not add the suggestion for her to wear panties with the open crotch yet. As I would guess she'll start about what rubbish that would be, panties with an open crotch. Now surely no woman would have come up with that idea, it must have been the mind of filthy man, what else. No, that would not do the trick. Why on earth had I fallen for beauty and brains?
"You forgot to add the stilleto high heeled pumps...", maybe that would make it more acceptable. Her face had turned red already, so I guessed this was not exactly like I hoped it would. "YOU WANT ME TO WEAR STILLETOS, YOU KNOW I'VE GOT A BAD BACK!?" Again I was thinking about some good come back answer, like telling her she would just keep them on in bed, no walking needed. But would I tell her before or after the open crotch part?
"And what would you be wearing then?", her face now was close to mine, her eyes shooting rays of fire. Could not tell if she was getting in a good mood, or she was extremely pissed off. That damned male autism lite, could always blame it on that, if and when needed. "YOU ARE NOT AUTISTIC, I'VE WORKED WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE AUTISM AND YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM!", shit, I forgot how well she knew me after all those years. Still, only with that, she can mind read...!? "Okay, I'm happily willing to keep my socks on, but I thought you disliked that a wee bit.", hah, there was my nice safe.
Then why had her face turned to purple then? "So, you want to win me over by keeping your stinking socks on, like you always do, even when I told you that it puts me off?", damn, I am bad at this, even after all those years. This was going nowhere and I have had high hopes for this day. But as it was getting late already I had given up on any good lovin'. So I decided to start the mister Floppy innitiation routine: "Hey hon, sweety pie, sweet darling, you know, why don't you put on your Crocks for me for a while?"
Her face had turned back into a more healthy color in the meantime, as she asked me: "Why, I thought they disgusted you and made you want to puke, not really stilletos material now are they?" And while I walked towards the stairs I answered: "Yes, true that, needed to get out off my horn mood and into the Netflix one. Thanks love, just the thought of it already did the trick."
She looked at me totally baffled with her mouth wide open as I climbed up the stairs. "Aw come on Hon, last one to start Netflix in bed is a tosser!" Years ago I would have tried some more, like a dog in heat, but I was getting way too old for this nonsense. Maybe next year, another fathersday, another try, but for now, I think another episode of 'Community' will do and then go to sleep.
¿Cuánto cuesta un sándwich de queso?
(Wanted to get me some of that bilangual goodies too.)