This job popped up on my recent job search. I was looking at alternative lifestyles and here it was. A chance to start something where I could turn my brain off and just ride in cruise. I really have no skills to offer other than I will high five all your good, bad and ugly decisions. When asked about the about anything EMPIRE related I will simply respond with a talk to the hand and a quick throat cut sign. I could be the face of the franchise without even having to do a thing. I think that is the kind of person you are looking for. This gives you an easy scapegoat and a built-in excuse for all the dumb I mean brilliant things you accomplish. If you deem me worthy of this position, feel free to hit me up on Linkedin. I don't really have an account there but it seems like the right thing to say in this situation.
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You seem to understand the requirements of this position quite well. Your willingness to take the initiative and volunteer to be my scapegoat has pleased me. Here. You have earned this.