You can do it! I can do it! We can do it!
I am so sorry you can't get ahold of cannabis where you are. For me, and many people I know it's given us an oasis on which to rest, so that we can begin to hear. It's not a cure, but it helps the treatment.
And don't be afraid to use this platform as a way to organize your thoughts. At first, like this post, it's like verbal diarrhea. You just need to get that stuff out. All that black crap you've had sitting, ruminating, moving around inside your head. But as you write more and more, you learn how to use those feelings and revelations you've had because of them, to teach, to help others, and to heal yourself. There are people listening here. There are people that want to help. And just being a part of the community could help you to heal. I know it's helping me.
Those first steps are going to be tentative, because if you're anything like me, your ability to trust is at an all-time low. But, no hurries :)
Stay strong and keep believing! It's what gets me through those dark moments :)
I can see you do understand. I've made facebook posts during bad times and I've had people tell me "everyone has problems, quit whining about yours." So Steemit seems to have much nicer and supportive people. I want to help others though much more than only focusing on trying to fix myself. You are exactly right about needing to get all the stuff like this out, it's been festering in me for over a month. It's just over 20 years of medication after medication and I've done everything every single doctor has said to do and nothing ever comes close to helping like a fruit/veggie smoothie. I really do want support with nice people so I can help them be encouraged like you are encouraging me. Maybe all the suffering might have a purpose in helping others one day. Thank you :)
Facebook is a black whole of ungood. I've asked for help there so many times, but, like you said, everyone said 'get over it.' I sometimes wonder what happened to the concept of community, supporting each other, helping each other. That's what a healthy community is supposed to do, and I think that can be found here.
Keep on writing, that's my recommendation. Work on forming your feelings into specific words and stories. But, also take time to write about the good things. Balance it out a bit. Otherwise, if you're anything like me the rumination on the bad becomes endless.
You can't save the world, but you can help the person next to you. If you need an ear, let me know :) I'm always down to help the person next to me however I can. Because I hope that others will do the same for me.
Be well! Be strong! Together we'll get through to the other side :) And, by other side, I mean some semblance of happiness.