Perhaps the memory of my mother frantically finishing up costumes for her five wailing kids is the reason. Maybe it was the haunted house that made me pee my pants. Could have been my vomiting after eating too much candy.
Maybe it was the long hours spent trying to dress up my own children, or the weeks of preparation trying to package up goodies for the trick or treaters who would come to my bakery, or the stress of having a costume for myself that was recognizable, or the walking in the cold rain with my own kids.
Whatever the reason, I don’t like Halloween.
I have very few memories of Halloween as a child. I do remember two of the costumes that my mother, who was a wizard at a sewing machine, made for me. One was a black cat costume, with a long swishy tail, which I loved. The other was an Ostrich costume, which I hated because it was uncomfortable, but which won first place at the town’s costume contest. I also remember that we trick or treated without an adult in tow. We were cut loose to go where we would, just like every other day in our lives, except that we had a costume on. My mother probably poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the porch to greet the kids that came to our door, while her own kids were out getting pillow cases full of sweets from the other mothers, who were all sitting on their porches sipping wine, delighted that the dreaded holiday would soon be over.
But even though I do not like Halloween (hate is a word that could be used here, but I’m trying to get in the mood), I do have a favorite Halloween memory.
My favorite memory of Halloween is a freewrite I wrote.
It was the first time I ever used The Most Dangerous Writing App. Using this app was required for the contest I wanted to enter. I thought “How hard can it be?” The first time was a breeze – I wrote a fabulous story! I guess I was on a special roll that day, because I have tried to write a story with that app many times ever since, and have failed each time. If you have never tried to use this app for a freewrite, or for anything, I recommend you do so. The trick is to not stop writing! If you stop, even for a brief moment, everything you have written is erased!!!
I reproduce the story for you here. I hope this doesn't violate the post recycling rule, and that you enjoy my little freewrite. It's one of my personal favorites.
The Grumpy Granny
Granny was grumpy, so grumpy she did not even meet me at the door. Instead, she was sitting at her table knitting socks as I let myself in.
There were socks everywhere. Socks on the table, socks on the counters, socks hanging over the faucet knobs, socks on the stove, socks on the TV, on the door knob, covering her bed and the stairs to the attic.
I had to ask. "Granny! What are all these socks for?"
"I am giving them out for Halloween you dummy. What do you think?"
"Granny, kids do not want socks for Halloween, they want candy. What is wrong with you?"
"Good, then maybe they won't come around next year. I have always hated Halloween."
"What?! I thought you liked Halloween! You always made those cool costumes remember? Remember the time you knitted me that fabulous ostrich costume?"
"Yes indeed I do. That is exactly why I am so grumpy. I was cleaning out the attic and I found that stupid costume that cost me an entire month to knit."
"Oh I would love to see it again! Maybe my son will wear it."
"Too late. Where do you think I got all this yarn?"
This is my entry to #silverbloggers current Blog of the Week Contest. If you are young at heart but getting up there in years, silverbloggers community is the place for you. Come on by!
Nice one @owasco,
I never could understand why those who dislike Halloween will still give things out. It must be the social stigma/pressure and worry that others will view them negatively for not doing it. The grumpy granny was at least clever in giving out something useful! lol.
Thanks for sharing your stressful experiences as a child and a mother with getting things ready for Halloween. I bet it was more stressful as a mother, or was it?
I have always wanted to like Halloween, but unfortunately I have many bad memories from it, from bag snatchers (didn't go good for them..) to the worst one of all... In 5th grade when my parents thought it would be a good idea to dress me up as a female with a broom ... lipstick and socks for breasts. I wasn't feeling it, but didn't really have a choice you know.. The other kids made fun of me so bad, and it really is a trauma memory for me.
I like to pretend it never happened but the memory is still there 😅
Lipstick and strategically located socks for boobs: for a fifth grader! That's... child abuse!
My mom had this huge cardboard box, attached some sticks and leaves to it, and declared it a tree. I was weeping, unable to get into it. Tim Curry, two classes older than me, noticed and helped me into it. He became the world's nicest boy in my mind. I loved him. He moved to another town. At age 11, crossing the road to get the mail, he was hit by a car and killed. My world view was shaken. Guardian angels, the whole package, just shattered. Then my sister went missing, and our prayers for her safe return were too late. Or not heard because no such God exists. I've read many, many books on claiming the promises of God and trusting that all is well and joy will prevail but my brain is not wired for that kind of belief.
Tim Curry, age 11, may you live on in heaven....
Oftentimes abusers play perpetual victim roles and seem to be completely unable to recognize their abusiveness to others, and even more ironic and perplexing is their acute perceptiveness to recognize when others are doing exactly what they are doing to others.
I'm so sorry to hear about the tragedies you experienced during your childhood @carolkean.
There are many avenues in which mankind is perpetually plagued with varying levels of delusion, much of which is by design in my opinion, as well as the traumas that come with these delusions. Fear is the best mechanism for control, because it removes peoples ability to critically think for themselves.
10,000 different religions in this world really puts things into perspective for me, but good luck having this conversation with a fanatic, because there is no way their faith can be wrong.
It's especially hard with a loved one fanatical who has allowed their delusion based thinking to destroy almost every aspect of their lives, while abusively pushing their beliefs onto others for their own selfish validation. I have a loved one like this, and she will call me and never ask me how my passions/desires/goals are going. It's about all about her and what I am doing wrong in my life, as hers is a mess and she does nothing about it, just prays. I don't try to argue anymore because even with calm demeanor, it will incite rage and screaming at me that "I do not understand". So I just say "uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh, ohhhhh. ok.." because I love her and don't want to hurt her feelings, plus her obsession seems to be causing a deterioration of the mind where she cannot stay on topic. It's very sad to witness.
Don't get me wrong... I see nothing wrong with a little faith, but we still must remain grounded in reality and be able to recognize contradictive fallacies no?
Intelligence plays a major factor in this, which you certainly harbor a great deal of.
Thank you kindly for the open willingness to share your traumas, and I hope that you have been able to find some healing through your life as you've explored the deeper aspects to the meaning of life on this hellacious place we call earth. There is a lot of beautiful aspects to our life here as well.
I'm stopping by your blog to check you out a bit further and will give you a follow. Have a great day my new friend.
Thank you @futuremind! 10,000 religions, and a resounding YES:
Being deluded, living in denial, clinging to belief in someone else's gods... communication with a loved one is reduced to nodding and offering affirmations or "I hear you" and we have to stand back and "respect" their adult choices and watch their lives spiral down ... because it's "none of your business" even if they complain of their misery but reject any overtures of help, even if help is no more than a "Have you looked into doing this...."
Sometimes I hate being a "critic" but I cannot accept, without question, what others insist I should believe.
Thank you again for the kind words and reminders of how much beauty we can find in this "hellacious place we call earth."
Excellent exchange @carolkean and @futuremind! I'm so happy you two have found each other here, both among my faves.
Awe, thank you @owasco , you're one of my faves too! That's probably why I meet such cool people on your blog. Birds of a feather flock together right? :)
My theater friends think Halloween is the best holiday of the year. I have never understood that. It's a tawdry affair if you ask me. That said, I do have a basket of goodies ready for Sunday night. In this town, the kids are encouraged to go between 6 and 8. Now that I live in a dense residential part of town, I expect quite a few kids to stop by. I'll sit out there with a book, not a glass of wine. I hope I have enough candy! I keep eating the peanut M&Ms.
I'm sorry about the costume your parents made you wear. That sounds like it was a sadistic choice on their part.
That's nice of you to put together a basket. Who knows, maybe it will be an enjoyable experience this time around :) Get high af on some good weed and just toss em little candy bars :) I'm sure you will enjoy their happy little smiles.
I've been psychoanalyzing it my entire life actually. It does seem like a sadistic way to project some messed up fantasy or something. I did come from a family of trauma after all.
I loved this read. I think it's a worthy entry. I really do. The comments, too, are all worthy of a read. As thought provoking as your piece. Thank you @futuremind and @carolkean. Many echoes for me of what would have been my fears and experience had Halloween and trick-and-treating been a thing for us. As it is, I remain forever traumatised from initiation at boarding school: we had to dress up as bunny girls. I was a dumpy, shy 12-year old. Then, the humiliating things we had to do...and as an introvert... I. Just. Still. Can't.
Oh how I hated costumes. I hated making them, I hated wearing them, I hated costume parties. Just getting dressed for a regular day is stressful enough for me.
By a "bunny girl," do you mean a playboy girl with bunny ears? I wonder what would happen now if any faction of a school, anywhere, tried to do that to its girls, although childhood sexuality is quite acceptable now, how could this have happened then?
I don't mind dressing - as long as I can choose. Age and village living have been quite liberating. I give not much of a fnck....most of the time. And when I do, it's largely to please myself! Ahem....
And yes. a playboy girl with bunny ears. It was the senior girls' decision - it was an all girls' school. Very little, if any supervision from the Matron. I don't believe it would happen now. The objectifying of women's bodies is a little different from childhood sexuality. I imagine that the entire "new pots" weekend - which started on a Friday and ended with a concert (another big nooo-nooo for me) - is no longer a thing. I pray so. I think there are lots of teens and pre-teens (now old ladies like me), who still bear the scars...
Oooh, I remember that sock story, and that killer ending - the source of the yarn - this really is a brilliant little gem of a story! #Love it!
Hating Halloween - my inner German pragmatist can see why anyone would, but I have a wee bit of Irish in me DNA, and other stuff, and I love any excuse for donning costumes. The door to door candy thing, I always felt like we should be giving the candy (or health food, or fruit, or garden veggies!) to whoever opens the door. Strange custom. Trick or Treat. If you don't give us a treat, we'll play tricks on you. I'd bet 99.9999% of all participants don't know or remember or care what the phrase means.
I do not believe you've never come up with another Writing App story to compare with this one!
I was just thinking of the phrase today! Now I remember, either give me a treat, or I will play a trick on you. A threat! We have taught all these children to ring out doorbells and threaten us! Apparently, I've moved to a very popular street for Halloween. I thought I'd bought plenty of candy - over 100 pieces - but I ran out after one hour of kids standing ten deep at my front steps.
This is the truest thing to a freewrite I have ever written. I had no idea what I would write when I began, and out popped one of the best things (if you ask me) I have ever written. Simple, not a single extraneous word, great ending, and perfect use of the prompt, which was Grumpy Granny. Magic!
You ran out of candy after an hour... did you turn off the porch light and escape being "tricked" (property damage, toilet paper in trees, eggs on cars, and in days of yore, outhouse tipping)?
Grumpy Granny is indeed a flawless freewrite - exemplary!