Have you ever been pressured into doing something you will never do originally? If you have then it will be easy to relate and understand where I'm coming from.
Growing up as a teenager I always felt my mum was doing too much. She always wanted to know and be involved in every area of my life which forced me into living a double life as a teenager. I wasn't concerned about my dad because he was hardly around all he did was give me money for whatever I needed and I was okay with that just as long as he didn't meddle with my personal life (as I will call it then😸). Thinking about it now it sounds funny and I feel stupid for most of the actions I took.
Everyone saw me as this quiet and responsible boy but deep down I knew I was only quite to an extent. My friends, family and numerous girlfriends knew me in different ways and among all of them only my friends could describe me and be 65% - 70% correct. And this was because I didn't want them to know certain part of me. Looking at myself now I would rather describe myself as "the good bad boy". But that's not where I'm going.
Just like a popular saying "you never know what you have until you lose it", for me I was had the verge of losing it all when I realized how stupid I was trying to play smart.
My mum was always on my case, she never wanted me to go out with friends, neither did she allow anyone visit me.(she never actually stopped them from coming, they were just too scared of her to come) but then I would always sneak out of the hostel with my friends when ever I go back to the boarding house and we will always hit the clubhouse and do all sort of things young people do nowadays.
Time came when my mum began to mount pressure on me to do responsible things like reading, keeping my things clean, and the rest of that. It got to the point she wanted to know what I was doing at every point, the friends I was talking to, the kind of movies I was watching and even the kind of haircut I wanted to choose each time I go to the saloon 🤦 and she follows me there most of the times. At a point I got fed up and shouted at her, we got into a really big argument because I felt I was old enough to take care of myself and I told her I didn't need her in my life anymore. At that point she asked me a question
"Do you hate me this much because I love my son too much"?
I didn't even pay attention to the question, I ignored her and walked away feeling I had given her a piece of my mind. My friends obviously commended me for standing up to her but that was when the worse happened. I never knew my actions hurt her to the point of making her blood pressure rise.
It was the first time I would go out of the house to visit a friend, I was coming back happy felling free when my sister rushed to me at the gate crying and telling me that my mum was dieing and she didn't know what to do.
Suddenly I too never knew what to do and it was right there and then I realized three things.
I was a fool
I wasn't ready to lose my mother.
I wasn't ready for the hardship she was preventing me from.
We were saved by neighbors who heard my sister screaming for help, as I stood as a fool I was. After that experience I ensured my life would be straight. Because then I discovered she was already passing through an emotional trauma with my dad and she was only doing everything any mother will do to teach her son never to be cruel to anyone, most especially the ones that love you. I learned it, but I almost lost her in the process. Though this happened several years ago but up till today I still ask myself, what would I had done if the worse had happened.
You are not alone in this kind of situation brother. Honestly, I recently had a breakdown due to lot of pressures I have been shouldered for a long time. But I still chose to go on with my life. I still don't know what tomorrow could bring but at least I tried my best to grow.
I think we all go through a similar experience at some point in our lives. Parents can be controlling out of love they say, but too much controlling is extremely damaging. When you want to make all the decision for your kid, you make the kid useless and helpless in the future. However, obviously shouting at her and telling her you don't need her anymore, while you were living in her house, eating the food provided by her was not smart, but you know that already.
yeah I do right 😸. thanks for your contribution.