When I was in preschool and we were getting a bit rambunctious, our teacher would call a timeout in the air. Everyone instantly knew that they needed to return to their desks, close their eyes, calm themselves by breathing deeply and listen.
For a minute we would simply listen and remember everything that we heard. We would then take turns telling our class mates what our ears had picked up on. It was a mindful exercise I learned when I was only six utilizing only one of my senses. I still use it today, but I've expanded it to include all of them. Here's my senses experience from today.
Today was a good day up to a point. I started saying goodbye to some friends I've made here along the way, it was a good excuse to give and receive hugs from lovely friends and colleagues. I had a blueberry muffin and some coffee while I worked at the pop up shop and listened intently to stories from someone I've just recently got to know who's going through a rough patch.
I consoled her as best I could and told her she needs to believe in herself more, that she needs to ask the right questions like "If I phone that person about the marketing job which I know she already wants me to do, what's the worst that can happen?". When I framed it like this to her she suddenly realised that her fear of phoning was totally misplaced and she even started crying when she said thank you as if I had removed a great weight off her shoulders. I like to help people like this by sometimes showing them a different perspective on a situation. We parted ways after I packed up and I was happily driving along, bobbing to the music when I witnessed something awful.
A terrible accident happened just a few cars ahead involving a truck and a pedestrian. I saw a biker stop alongside and phone the ambulance and the sight that beheld me was horrific. I won't describe it here because it would be too graphic, but instantly I was jumped into a trauma response. My head started reeling, my grip on the steering wheel tightened, my breathing quickened and I felt a bit queasy.
I had to revert to trying to dampen my rising anxiety and at the same time concentrate on driving as I did not want to stop at the scene. Help was already on the way as the truck had also stopped further along the road.
BREATHE
I counted to five, then I searched ahead of me for everything blue along the horizon, then everything green. I slowed my breathing by inhaling deeply and counting out as I exhaled. I could feel how tense I had become. Natural responses to what I witnessed.
I found myself thinking deeply and with some sorrow about that pedestrian. Had he woken up this morning with gratitude for another day? Did he count his blessings in all that he had or was it just another day for him to work through? I don't know if he was intoxicated when the incident occurred, it's possible. I don't know if he had a family or friends that will be hearing the sad news today.
When you witness something like this up close, it is a different experience to hearing a news report. This hits you like a ton of bricks.
I thought about my life and how grateful I am to be here, for the wonderful people that I share it with and for the laughs, hugs, shared tears, snuggles from animals and cuddles from my niece. Being able to paint with her and draw stick figures with windy hair. Being silly with her and colouring in the sun green just for fun.
I thought about how grateful I am to have my body, that I'm still in pretty good shape for my age and that I have all five six senses to rely on and that carry the scent of vanilla and sweetpea through my nostrils. That I can taste cupcakes and cheesecake, the delicious gravy I lather on top of my crumbed chicken fillet. That I can delight in the feel of grass under my toes and dew on my skin. That I can hear the rain hit the roof when I wake up in the early hours of the morning and that I can see the sun rise and set, leaving the sky in flaming bright colours, each one deeper than the one before. Capturing my heart and setting my soul alight. I delight in the sound of laughter and the beauty of songs sang with love and affection that's almost palpable.
So many things we take for granted each day that can be so easily taken away from us in an instant.
I felt a huge surge of gratitude and love for those I care about and hold close to me. That one day they will lose me too or vice versa, but for now, they are here with me to enjoy one more cheesecake, one more vivid sunset. One more set of laughter.
It was a terrible thing to witness today but I was able to use it as fuel to live my life to the full, to reclaim my power over it and move it forward in the way that I want and need. To enjoy each day as if it were my last.
Today, it left me with a sense of purpose and a will to fulfil it. A reminder in gratitude and humility.
Oh man that’s brutal for sure, sorry you had to witness that but those situations are learning experiences for sure. They help us do what you did if you’re a sane person and not one to be crippled into inaction as many are.
I’ve not witnessed something like that but I’ve been around a lot of that through work and it’s not for the faint of heart. I would like to think that I’d be able to stop and help in what ways I can and know, but not having experienced it you never know until it happens. I think you did what was perfectly reasonable for you and your situation which is commendable!
It was absolutely horrific, probably the worst that I've seen yet, but it made me grateful for everything I do have.
I take my hat off to those that stopped to help and I think you would have based on what you've said. I just couldn't in that moment and there was already help there, I wasn't in any state to get involved unfortunately. Maybe I should have, maybe next time I will.
Thank you 🦋