Yesterday, it was my one month anniversary since I've been on this trip of mine, and though it came and went with no great ceremony, it did prompt me to think back on the past month. While it doesn't seem like a lot, time just flies differently when you're traveling. Faster, certainly. It definitely doesn't feel like a month has gone by. Though oddly enough, at the same time, it feels like so much longer. Like every day has expanded and now feels like three.
Going past some of the places here in Zadar, I feel like I've passed them by hundreds of times, like I've been here a lifetime. But all that's coming to a close now, as I am leaving on Friday, heading for... I don't know if greener pastures, but probably some fun adventures.
Anyway, that's in the future, and I'm trying to talk about the past. The first couple of weeks, I was really torn. See, I'm very close to my family, I like my home very much, and I guess I was feeling kinda lonely. Every day, I kept thinking what an immense amount of time I've got left of my trip, and whether it might be better to just turn back now. Every day, I was putting myself under so much pressure. Because a big part of my going away was, like most young people, to "figure myself out" and to find answers, and myself, and whatever. And when I got here, it was like this race had begun, to see how quick I could figure myself out. Like a puzzle with a timer.
Am I happy?
Is this for the best?
Should I go back?
Was this a mistake?
Does everyone think I'm a phony?
On and on, the questions went. Naturally, I was feeling miserable whenever I thought about it, and I figured it was the being abroad part that was bothering me, Turns out, it wasn't. I was lucky enough to stumble on an episode from Jordan Peterson's podcast, when I needed it most, as it were. And there was a particular fragment that resonated with me, in which he talked about modern-day children, and how there's this excessive focus on how they're feeling, on self-evaluation, and how that's actually detrimental for the psyche.
Although we're encouraged to think the opposite, that self-reflection makes you happy, his idea was that this excessive narcissism only makes us more neurotic. And looking at my own mindset, I figured he must have something right.
So I forced myself to stop.
I don't know how, exactly, because I don't think you can just switch thoughts off. But I kinda did. I just said, okay, I'll stop thinking this shit. It's out of my hands. So I stopped focusing on all the me-me-me questions like am I happy, does my life have purpose, should I turn back, etc., and just resolved to live, and see what happened.
Initially, I told myself I'd revisit the subject after a month. That way, it wasn't like I was "giving it up for good". Though now that a month has passed, more or less, I find myself reluctant to do that. Because I've been so much happier and at peace ever since I quit focusing on myself so excessively. Not to mention, I've been ten times more productive, and have gotten so much done that I liked. I liked the stories I wrote during this time. I liked my work. I liked the books I read. Because everything was veiled in my narcissism, and once I stopped putting so much pressure on myself, not only did I find myself lighter, but also happier and more content.
Much of our current self-help literature tells you the key to a good life is to keep asking yourself these questions, to always be on the introspective. Maybe. I do think it's important to pay mind to how you're feeling, what's bothering you, your gut instinct, and so on.
But not all the time. Everything is bad when you go to extremes. And it's not like if you really focus on your own feelings, you're gonna achieve some sort of nirvana. No, you're just gonna make yourself miserable.
So I've been going by feel. What feels right? That. Okay, so that's what I do. I worked to curb the excessive need to blow things out of proportion - is doing that right? should I? - and just did. So far, it seems to be a much happier MO than continuously obsessing on who you are and what you want and feel.
I figure a lot of the misery of the 21st century is that we're taking the wrong approach to this whole "figuring yourself out" spiel. We expect it to be linear, to have a clear-cut solution. Like a math problem. Like, if I really focus on this one, I'm bound to crack it. Except I think our psyche is more like a turtle. The more you stare at it, the deeper back it recedes into its shell. And then you can't figure out why you're miserable, and make yourself even more miserable.
Anyway, I don't know if that's a good idea or not, it's still in its incipience for me. But it's definitely worth pursuing.
So how's your September been?
Great photos, and great critical thinking skills.
I think no matter how things pan out, you're on the right track.
Personally, I think introspection is good, but yes, everything needs to be done in moderation.
... it can be harmful if you harp on and keep questioning yourself...that can lead to self doubt...but I think it's good to take the time for introspection every now and then:)))
I love the answers! They're very peaceful. Trying to hold on to that same serenity in my introspective moments. And yeah, totally agree, introspection is important (otherwise you risk becoming jaded), just not to the point where it becomes an all-consuming purpose. Thank you for those answers! :)
Thank you 😊
You're very welcome. Don't be too hard on yourself, and it's not easy, but always try to be calm and make the best decisions when faced with challenges. That way you're less likely to have regrets regardless of the outcome or results of your decision.
Have a great day:)
Thank you. Well, a lot of trouble seems to stem from rash actions. So doing the opposite seems like the only logical choice.:) You have a great end of the week, too!
🤗😊 thank you:)
I think it is important to know when to just surrender to things and let it all happen. We certainly can spend way too much time trying to analysis how we are, which really prevents us from being in the present moment. All that really matters is how you feel right now, we are always jumping ahead or stuck in the past.
Love the photos and can't believe it has been a month already. Let me know if you come to Spain xx
Yeah, I keep trying to do that, just activate the voice that goes "hey, look at that water" or "check this out, 'cause we won't be here tomorrow". That voice is really helpful, turns out.
And yeah, I actually am coming to Spain from late November to the end on January. At least that's the plan. Was gonna be Prague, but turns out it's cold in the Czech Republic, and I don't enjoy cold, so.. it is now somewhere near Malaga.
Oh I am about an hour and a half from Malaga, so definitely on the way when you are travelling down. We can exchange contact if you like xxxx
Yes, certainly. I'm actually flying to Malaga, but I definitely plan on traveling around Spain a bit. I've never been, and I hate that. It seems lovely.
Your thoughts are surreal just like the pictures you shared here 😍❤️
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