I'm not sure which part of me internalized this message, or where it actually came from, but SOMEWHERE DEEP in my brain, my Being, I have the idea that if I read all the rules, watch and observe others and read ALL the guidelines exactly and make enough lists, then I will complete a complex task in one neat jump. A leap. From the bottom step to the top, effortlessly.
Boom! Just like that.
I'm not sure where my disdain of what I call plodders comes from, but there's a distinct impatient wrinkling of my nose when I observe other people taking things one slow, patient step at a time.
And needless to say I've been frustrated a LOT in my life. 🤣
When I first came to live in Thailand 20 years ago, it drove me insane when we had to go to some far flung village off the beaten track. Because no one knew where exactly we were going! I wanted the whole, exact map route in advance and it didn't work that way. Sidebar: we are talking PRE Googlemaps, if indeed one remembers those dim dark days. The Thai approach. Go to the nearest big known landmark, pause to eat, and ASK someone. Can't tell you how many interesting people and places I have encountered using this approach, but often been dragged there kicking and screaming and VERY frustrated. Usually it went something like this:
OK - we drive to my aunty house in Thoen and ask my cousin. And then she come in our truck to the shop 3 villages over, and then HER brother will take us to the house, because we all forgot where it is and not go there often. 😆
This morning I had to breathe VERY deeply, apply 3 coffees and REMIND myself of this experience.
My Thai herbal products business is in the process of licensing our manufacturing premises, after the owner of our former leased manufacturing space went broke during Covid and the bank foreclosed the property. We were forced to move and being the licensing process again, and the rules have changed since the last time we looked.
And so may Thai business-owning daughter and I have for weeks CHECKED all the guidelines on the Thai government website, prepared all the documents, discussed, met, drafted, rechecked and yesterday we bravely lodged them. Only to discover today that there are many more items needed, much more detail than they asked for and a whole lot of administrivia that simply wasn't mentioned in the Step by Step How To on their website.
Urgh!! I felt my blood boiling.
"Mama, we need this and then we need that. We have to buy that and photograph it and move things around in the production space to fit their idea of what it needs to look like to comply. We need to measure how wide the pedestrian access is between the next door building and they've now sent us guidelines of what they need the images to look like. Oh, and we need to pay again when we re-apply."
Grrrr....!! They might have outlined ALL the requirements BEFORE we lodged the application which followed their stated guidelines perfectly.
And then something REALLY strange happened. A whole new side of myself that I've not really consciously encountered before started to voice an opinion.
Western brain: Grrrr - the need to improve their F*$#@ing guidelines and we should get the reapplication done FREE since it was their fault.
Thai brain: At least the nice lady in the office is now sending us all the links to what we now need to do.
THIRD BRAIN. It doesn't matter. We NEED to get this sorted and now we have a way. It's one step forward and better than we had yesterday. We're nearly there. We have someone on our team in the FDA office who is helping us now. We will afford the reapplication fee and the few days of extra paperwork isn't going to end the world. What was I THINKING to believe we'd get it all done in one simple step? It's almost never been like that, most of my life, in anything!
After I'd HEARD that Third Brain calm me down, I realized that I have internalized a crazy notion that step by step, and asking for help and directions, is wrong and a time waster.
That would be despite my rational, conscious mind happily spouting off to everyone on a regular basis that step by step, inch by inch, is the norm. 😆 For everyone else except me, it would now appear.
I'm taking some time and trying to be gentle with myself, reflecting on the idea that personal development (and business progress) requires a level of self-awareness that peels itself away when it's ready, rather like an onion, and is not something that can be forced.
I'm appreciating the Thai culture and the people-minded way they do things (like asking instead of just reading the guidelines) and wondering out loud just how, and why, that hasn't been my personal experience.
As a Mom, I have always encouraged my daughter to be an asker, and yet I'm the midnight researcher who will rely on 643 internet articles before I ASK.
Today I'm growing in my understanding and super grateful that I've at least evolved enough to see both sides of my old thinking, and to have become aware of a less critical, more adaptable new me that can survive better in a rapidly changing world.
Are YOU a step by patient step process kind of person, or are you a mid-night, researching, building-leaping wonder-person who needs to do it all at once, without asking? Because to not succeed the first time might not be safe or allowed.
Love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Get Your FREE Hive Account
~~~ embed:1516297018733654019 twitter metadata:SGl2ZUxpZnR8fGh0dHBzOi8vdHdpdHRlci5jb20vSGl2ZUxpZnQvc3RhdHVzLzE1MTYyOTcwMTg3MzM2NTQwMTl8 ~~~
The rewards earned on this comment will go directly to the person sharing the post on Twitter as long as they are registered with @poshtoken. Sign up at https://hiveposh.com.
I used to think this was the only way to produce great results. How foolish! 😅 Well, a lot of times it did but at the expense of my sanity and peace, and a lot of sleep. Now, I'm learning to be okay with doing little daily steps to get closer to my goals while fighting off the creeping anxiety that I'm not doing enough, that everything must be ready and in place, or that the deadline is looming closer. I agree that some things really can't be forced.
I definitely definitely get the frustration. Incompetency - as a 'western' brain might see it, or perhaps just a brain that would perhaps organise bureaucracy in a more efficient and organised way - drives me wild. I mean, how hard can it be? It might be the Thai way to 'ask' rather than to organise efficiently the first time, but honestly, I think it's not that hard to organise things to be user friendly and easy for what people expect you to do. Lol.
But also, it's NICE to ask, no? I tend to, more, these days. Ask more questions.
I think I'm a super impatient person, if I'm to classify. I want it done right the first time. But Im also pretty capable in the face of blocks - I just redirect and figure out a way forward. Plodder I'm not, but like you, I'm learning these skills in my dotage.
I just recently started making quite elaborate long-term plans. Some of them with small daily goals. So I guess I'm taking some things down the #babysteps road. We'll see how it works out.