Is this the day I’m going to die?
I used to hear those words every time I got on my motorcycle to drive. Or when I step into the water for a swim or a dive. Strangely, I also hear those words every time I did my personal monthly budgeting.
I know I’m not crazy, but I hear those words inside my head every time I do something I think I’m not good at. What about you? Do you hear those words too? Are well crazy?
How do you know you’ve matured? How do you know you’ve grown?
Do we measure it with our age?
When you fill-up those online forms for your birthday, how long does it take for you to scroll down to your birth year? A few seconds, a couple more?
Age does not necessarily equate to maturity.
I know some old people who still behave like a child and some who are too mature for their age. Maturity has something to do with the ability to face and solve the problems that life throws at us.
And Albert Einstein said,
“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”
Maturity, then, is when we go beyond our normal way of thinking. And we achieve this through experience and insight.
I drive a motorcycle.
And I still remember trembling at the thought of driving through traffic during rush hour, avoiding the vehicles too close to you, giving gas, and then having to hit the brakes multiple times. And worst, zigzagging through the tight spaces in between the cars because the motorcycles behind expect you to be able to do it.
That used to give me so much anxiety.
But I didn’t let that anxiety stop me from driving the next day. I didn’t let it stop me from realizing that as long as I was driving slowly and carefully, I wouldn’t hit the other vehicles. I didn’t let that anxiety stop me from finally learning how to move skillfully around the cars during traffic.
I had a similar fear with water.
I didn’t know how to swim until I was 25 years old. All those years of beach outing, island hopping, and cliff jumping, I couldn’t enjoy them.
I remember this one time in Camotes Island when I decided to jump from one of the cliffs thinking I’d be able to swim my way back to shallow water. But after hitting the water, I panicked.
No matter how hard I tried to move my arms and legs, I only moved a few inches. I flailed my arms, desperately reaching for the cliff walls. I held on to the sharp rocks as strong waves battered against me.
I thought I was going to die.
I collected myself and slowly climbed sideways toward the safe shallow water. That experience traumatized me, and yes, for a while, it prevented me from enjoying my time in the water.
But I didn't allow myself to stay in that level of fear.
I embraced the next water activities with a mindset of survival. And with each time that I came out of the water alive, I grew in confidence. I told myself,
“I've done this before. I came out alive. I can do this again."
Now, I'm proud to say that the water no longer scares me. I’ve even become a freediver.
Another thing I used to dread so much was checking my finances and doing my monthly budgeting because I knew I was going to be ‘broke.’
There were just too many bills to pay and too little money. Worse, I couldn’t stop myself from spending more even though I knew I was already broke. I was spending myself toward hunger and poverty.
I used to deny my situation and continued to live a life of scarcity. Until I learned about personal finance and the abundance mindset.
In a way, being poor is a mindset.
You are only limited by the things you think you deserve. So, I embraced all the good things in life. I became more generous. I committed to being smarter about my finances. I worked harder to earn more and prioritized the things I spent on. Slowly, I became better at handling money.
Now, I know I won’t be hungry anymore.
All of these experiences taught me that until I take responsibility for my own problems and go beyond my level of my fear, I will not overcome them. And that is how I knew that I have grown.
Growth then, happens when you take responsibility for yourself.
It happens when you see the lessons from your failures. Growth is when you face, head on, the things you were once afraid of because you know that this time, you can overcome them.
To whoever is reading this, do you have something you must do that you think you’re not good at or a problem you’re trying to avoid?
Take responsibility for them and go beyond that anxiety and fear, because once you survive your struggles, you will grow.
And maybe the next problems will be easier or maybe they won’t, but you’ll be confident in facing them because your experience and insight will tell you that you can overcome them.
I still hear faintly the words, “Is this the day I’m going to die?” when I’m about to do something I think I’m not good at.
But with confidence and courage and knowing that I have grown and that I will still continue to grow, I answer it with:
No, not today.
This is a version of the speech I delivered during the 2022 Toastmasters Beginner's Cup Speech Contest, in which, I'm proud to say that I was the champion. All photos are mine and were taken during my recent trip to Kuala Lumpur.
Now that I can see you've went to St John during the day 🤣 the Baru Caves temple side looks awesome too, short of seeing the staircase.
I have a piece to write about am I going to die, but mine is too silly to share here. I'll save that story on a post for you 🤣 but I do agree on your perspective of empowering oneself to take the challenge. I'm the opposite polar of empowering, but an overconfident prick 🤣 I don't usually have the "am I going to die today" until I'm there facing life and death situation
I did go to the church! I went inside, lit some candles, and offered my prayers. It felt I was back home. 😁
I also got a haircut from a nearby barbershop. I went there in the afternoon and the area was complete chaos. It was dismissal period of the school across the church.
I should have visited Batu Caves at an earlier to avoid the crowd. But it was still fun climbing the rainbow staircase and avoiding the monkeys. 😂
You're in sales, so a bit of overconfidence is much needed. 😅
" Keep Moving !!!", that's the counterattack I used when the word " I am going to die today? " suddenly pop -up in my head, yes @glecerioberto I also hear this though in my head, don't you worry you're not crazy enough to be totally crazy hahaha kidding. I think everyone experiences this, cause we know ourselves that we are going to die someday or somehow. But, don't overthink it " di kana man yata nagmamadali hahaha joke lang".
As what others reply when we say, "Una sa ko."
"Ayaw sa kay bata paka." 😂
Hahaha ayaw cool bata pa ko
Hello @glecerioberto
Can you please do us a favor and remove the monomad tag from this publication?
It's supposed to be used only with black and white photography posted in the black and white community. Basically as the entry ticket for our daily challenge 🙂
Hi, @monochromes! Sure thing. I'll keep this in mind from now on.
First, Great photography and I really like the black and white as a backdrop for your text. I have something that I have a hard believing that I can do. I want to write a children's book based on my dad's stories when he was a boy growing up in 1940s Utah. I need to move forward and learn how to write and make my dream a reality and his story a book!
Thanks, Sara! I've been finding some of my old photos to be good backdrops for my reflective writings. They have nothing to do with what I wrote, but they set the mood for it.
As for the children's book, maybe start something small? Perhaps publish a few previews of each chapter here in Hive?
I had that same thought. Thanks.
I also have the same questions everyday and wondering if i am crazy or not, kinda glad that i am not the only one. Other than while driving car, riding motorcycles, going to the water, etc, i also feel that whenever i go with the plane
I would say I also ask that everyday, "Is this my last day?" everytime when I ride my motorcycle hahaha. But maybe it changed when I found more meaning to my life.
Same as you, I also fear dying. But everytime that my sister tells us that if that's already your time, just accept it. I also have fears about some things, crowded places, dark streets and even open waters.