Who I am / Who I think I am / Who I want to be

in Personal Development2 months ago

Intro

Since many of you don't know me I thought it could be interesting to write an article about myself and who I think I am. I have this idea from the movie The breakfast club from John Hughes and now give it my own twist by also writing about who I have been and who I want to be. I am going to structure the first part chronological but the second part I will talk about the perception of who I think I am and who I want to be. Now let's start to write some facts down and see what memories I can unlock with this article. Also if you feel inspired to write your own, go for it and tag me so I wouldn'tmiss it!

History and Future

Rebellious Cool Skater

In the year 1986 I was born as Norman F. in a town called Freital in the GDR. Freital is a town close to Dresden which is the capital of the state Saxony. This is the town I also grew up until I was 10 years old so I only was born in Freital until my family moved back to Freital where my parents came from. More on that later.

3 years after I was born into the late 80s a big event happened in Europe: The Fall of the Berlin Wall. With this the GDR (and later also the USSR) was cancelled and eastern Germany got reunified with the western part of the country. I can not remember this time but the consequences of this event have been remarkable up until today. More than half of the population of eastern Germany have been raised in this authoritarian country and many people still have characteristics of this time. Many companies got closed but at the same time a lot was founded or expanded from western Germany into the "new states" of Germany.

My childhood was fun and I had everything a kid in my age could have wished for. I shared a room with my brother and we had a TV in our room since I was 7 years old. My dad have been in the telecommunication industry so we had a PC and internet already in the first days of the public launch. I can't remember that we ever have used those AOL CD-Roms everyone had at home.

In the ago of 10 my parents, my 4 years older brother and I moved to Freital - the city my parents initially came from before I was born. Most of the family of my mothers side lived there like uncles, grandparents and cousins. We where living in an apartment surrounded by a quiet neighborhood on the edge of the town. We had a lot of nature near our home but also a densed high-rise buildings area close by.

My parents both worked full-time so I had plenty of time to spend after school watching TV and surfing the web. Most of the time I watched MTV, Nickelodeon and these wierd german court shows. My brother blcked the PC pretty often so I wasn't playing computer games very often.

So I started to explore my neighborhood riding the bike and just sneaking around. Then I have found a local skate park and since I already had a skateboard I quickly found friends there. (Spoiler: I never was a good skater - it was of a life style and I can't do kickflips or grinds at all.) Quickly I got interested in hiphop and punk culture, no-future and rejection of authorities. That has been the time when I started to smoke cigarettes because it was sooo cool. Later with around 13 I got also interested in alcohol and later drugs. I don't want to spend much time in this post to talk about my experiences with addictive substances other than: I got out of the addiction later in my life.

Because of my interest in punk culture I tried everything to be rebellious. So much that I got kicked out of my high school. I have not very good in school grade wise so I did not switched to another high school but a secondary school. Because of "the lower standards" and 100x times more competent teachers my grades got outstandingly better and I have been one of the best students of my class without learning at home at all. So I was able to live my rebellious life without having doubts about my future. I mean i wouldn't have cared because I was that rebellious cool skater guy.

,Oh and before I forget that:* Many of the people in my school and people I knew where and probably are still racists. I had the big luck to get to know the world via television and the internet in a young age. I think that has formed a strong tolerance inside of me I usually always showed to people. But of course you have to be careful when you are surrounded by racists. I never had any real problem, fight or whatever because of my political opinion but I was one of a few thinking that way.

Trainee and Young Worker

After I succesfully gradutated secondary school I went on two job trainings. Lets skip the 1st one because the 2nd one was a private school focused on software engineering which brought me where I am today. My parents gladfully had enough money to pay this private school and I am very thankful that they believed in me after I did not show very much interest in getting a good job. During the training I matured and felt the need to finish this training with good grades to have a better life than many people I knew from surroundings. So I learned and did all my homework - I was one of the few who almost everytime raised their hands when teachers asked except in the hardware and network focused classes. So I became the swot I never wanted to be but it payed out at the end. After this training I had to apply to national military service which has been still a thing this time in Germany. But young men where allowed to decide for community service instead which I picked because weapons, violence and subordination have never been my thing. I decided to do service in a home for people dealing with mental disorder and I really learned a lot there even though I did not realized that back in the days. This work strengthened my tolerant beliefs and empathy a lot and I am very happy that I did this.

Adult Life

Hamburg my New Home

After 4 months of this community service I unfortunately got kicked out because of a positive drug test. So it was finally time to apply to jobs and I apied to a lot outside of Eastern Germany. I wanted to see the world, get away from all of those racists and mostly I wanted to get away from my drug relations. After 3 rejections I had a job interview in a small town near Hamburg 500km away from home. It was exciting and I felt really mature for the first time in my life. My brother borrowed me his suit and I went on a train ride to get my first job.

They accepted me and offered a two week test working at their office. I applied as a programmer since that was what I have learned in my second training but soon I recognized that my training was a bit outdated. I had no clue of programming in C# and learning it in just a couple of days was no option. So I told my boss that I am not capable of doing what they wanted me to do and guess what: They offered me a different position as 1st level support. This was my job for almost 4 years until I got to know a girl at a party.

In this time I was very invested into emo culture. I straightened my hair every morning, went to emo meetups in the city and most of the time I have been the oldest there but i didn't care. In this time I listened mostly to Fugazi but also a few screamo bands like Thrice, Thursday and others. But the good old grunge music was still my thing.

Short Stuttgart Adventure

This girl I mentioned above was a tourist in Hamburg and we fell in love. We had a 2.5 years long distant relationship until I quit my job and went to Stuttgart for her and us. Unfortunately this relationship was not mature enough and after moving together we quickly realized that we had different needs and opinions about relationships so we broke up after 1 year living together and after a long and excessive drug phase living in flat sharing I moved back to Hamburg. I do not have much more to say about this time nor photos. I am over this time and the relationship and yeah mostly never think about it anymore fortunately.

Back to Hamburg

I just wrote a quick mail to my former boss like "Hey are you searching for employees? I know someone who really want to work for you ;)" and then I moved back to this kind company where I still work up until today. In the 1 year abscense I was involved into project management so I applied as a project manager in my new/old company. I managed to proof that I have grown a lot and then travelled a lot as project manager and consultant for our own software almost every week. It was a good and energetic time but also a little of pressure on my shoulders while still being addicted to various drugs. I barely slept or ate at this time and of course also my colleques recognized that something is wrong and that I live a very unhealthy life.

In this time I got to know a girl who happens to be the love of my life. I talked with her about my history, my relationship with drugs and that I want to quit them. I always wanted to get away from drugs but I never had the right impulse to open up about it until this one special day. I had a 5-day-no-sleep period behind me and overslept a really important work appointment. I had enough of this and still being on cold-turkey I told my boss that I am a drug addict and that I want to quit it but I don't know how. This conversation got pretty emotional and fortunately my boss has experiences with addiction because of his family. He knew a lot of things and helped me to find a spot at a rehab for polytoxics. I am so thankful for the kindness, helpfulness, patience and his strong believe in me. So I went on a 6 month long rehab learning about myself, my needs and why my brain want drugs probably until the end of my life. I also learned techniques to stay away and deal with the desire. I managed to get away from drugs and I am now over 6 years sober and clean. Perhaps I write a more detailed post about all of this some day but that should be it for now.

Me in Here and Now

As I mentioned I have found the love of my life and I live with her in a cozy apartment in the center of Hamburg. I work in a 9-to-5 job but since corona I am working from home and gladly my company does not force me to get back at office life. I can cuddle my cats while working and I am still way more productive than being physically in the office. I do less breaks since I can vape while working, I am never too late at work because I have no traffic jams anymore. I can cook with what I have at home and do not have the need to eat in restaurants for lunch. It is soo much more chill and I am super happy that I have the chance to work that way and in this company.

In my free time I take care for a little garden I own in a community garden 10min away from my home and I enjoy my various other hobbies like flying drones, making videos, photography, programming, writing blogs (now recnetly discovered :P), 3d printing and maaany more.

Of course I have to mention our beloved hive blockchain here - I am part of this amazing community since 2018. I began as a video creator searching for a community and quickly found out about @DTube. That's how I came to steem back in the days and why I kept being here. More and more of my time I invested into DTube, trying to activate the community, coding a new front end but it has always been a dump-and-run community. That's why I quit DTube as a developer, community member, witness and video creator just recently to fully focus on hive. Some years ago I have founded a hive community called @DIYHub which is one of my first priority today. We are going to maje a big come-back even though we operate for many years and curating a lot every single day. We still have to grow a lot: Our community, the delegations and the overall communication and relationships with other communities. There is a lot in the pipeline already and it feels really good to have the time again to take care for it.

I am also working on a influencer marketing startup I can not tell you more about right now. I am the programmer for front and back end and a few other guys will promote it and do all the customer relations stuff. As soon as we launched it I will be able to tell you more.

The most recent we can get in this article is: me writing this article right now. I really enjoy to write down my thoughts and share them with you. This article was a very very good idea because so I can also reflect on the past and think about my future:

Future Me

I am looking forward to keep the way I live now for another multiple years because I enjoy it so much and I do not have many troubles in life. It is a very calm situation and who does not want to keep it like that. But I think that this style could become boring some day in future and that I will want to change it. Fortunately my girlfriend and I are on the same page when it comes to children and commitments/responsibilities. We like children but we dont want to have our own. We simply do not want to be responsible for bringing people into this cruel and difficult world. At the same time we will be free to do whatever we want in future since we have no commitment called "family". But for now everything is so nice that i dont want to think about very far away plans.

I will continue to use hive as my creative outlet and tool to connect with people from all around the world. I have learned so much already and only future me knows what I will accomplish in the next years.

Who do I think am I?

Now finally I will answer the topic of the title but I have to say sorry that it will be not very much: I believe that I am a kind and open minded person who tries to encourage others in being the person they want to be. When someone tries to critic people in the way they want to express themselves I say something against it. It should be the basic human right to express yourself how you want no matter what sexuality or religion you define as yours. I am spontaneous and excited about new things and people and I do everything I can to keep being that way. I always search for creative ideas even though i barely execute them. Its just simply my wierd brain connecting things which arent connected normally. Hopefully I can unleash this creative mind with hive somehow.

Who do I think I want to be?

Creativity & Motivation

I am always excited about new things, trying to understand and learn them but I am also very quickly bored by them. That is something I really want to change. I want to acccomplish that by updating my blog constantly with my hobbies to share knowledge but also motivate myself to continue stuff like videography, photography, crafting, stick and poke tattooing and coding. I feel the need to express my creativity so I have to use it.

Putting Feelings into Words

I believe that I am good lover for my girlfriend and a good member for my family. I did not say "I love you" to the people who are close to me as often as I should have and that is something I also want to change. People I love should know that by my acts but words are also very important. I know that but my mind is too chaotic to put these feelings into words most of the time.

Irrational Fears

I have a few fears I want to conquer in the next years. I really liked roller coasters when I was young but since 20 years I try to avoid them. I know they are a lot of fun but there is the fear to die on one of those machines. I know that people take care that this will not happen but yeah I dont know. That's how fears are designed to be. Irrational but strong enough to keep you away from potential danger even if the danger is really unfounded. Next year I want to ride at least 3 roller coasters to fight this fear. I know it will not go away that easy but at least I will be able to evaluate the feeling and do what's fun no matter what irrational fear there is building inside of me. Prepare for a video of me shaking before and after the rides ;)

I am the guy with the orange lilo in the back

Same for cold ponds - I would love to swim in refreshing cold water but I have the feeling that my heart will stop as soon as I jump in the water. I made a big step this year already swimming in 15°C water but next year I will work swimming in ponds into my summer plan. Looking forward for many refreshing moments in the summer 2023.

Managing Finances

And the last thing I want to change is me and finances. I have been and I am very bad at managing my finances. I am constantly in overdraft facility on my bank account but I also have a huge loan from the time being a drug addict. I will have to pay this loan back for another 8 years and I can't wait to say that "I am financial free without any loan anymore" when I am 44 years old. I will report here if hive will still be a thing in 2030.

Conclusion

I dont know if this post had some value and productive outcome for you. But for me it has been pretty therapeutic to reflect what I have done and where I am right now. Last time I did that was in rehab which is already 6 years ago. It is very helpful to bring your personality goals into words. It helps to manifest those things I guess. Nevermind thank you for reading through my words until here and for your thoughts in the comments. I hope that you do as good as I am right now and if not that everything will change positively for you soon. Feel free to take my post as an inspiration to write your own and mention me in it so we can get to know each other. It would be exciting to read your story and plans for future.

Peace!


If you are interested about DIY related posts on Hive then make sure to give @diyhub a visit!

We also have a discord server: https://discord.gg/c7cRwHv



Check my other profiles on the interwebs: https://linktr.ee/tibbifox
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Good morning, @tibfox !

Yesterday night when I got home from another "boring" day at work, I've seen the Following Feed in Hive, and came cross your this post. Since I was felling very sleepy, I've left it open so I could read it as soon has I get out of bed.

I just meet you in the HiveFest couple of weeks ago, and I'm very sorry for didn't "broke the ice" when I was next to you... You totally rock with this life resume, and all the life twists and turns that you had, and that you so courageously shared with us! You made me, somehow, feel the will to do a similar exercise. Even if I don't have the "balls" to post it, I surely gonna do it for my self, maybe in the next coming days (going to have a one week vacation period, and still don't know where I'm going or what to do).

The experience that you have shared about community work that you took in a home for mentally disorder made me remember in a more vivid way the voluntary work, that I've done for more then 6 months, for a local Children Mental Institution, when I failed in my second year of Faculty.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing such important and personal aspects of your life.

I believe that when we are true with yourself and with the ones surrounding us, great things happen. And you have just proof it :)

Stay safe! I have my fingers crossed to see your liberation day of the loan in 8 years from now!

Congratulations on your life achievements, and in your inner will to become the best version of you!

Hey thanks for keeping an eye on my content and for reading it in the morning :) I hope it was not too long or written too complicated for a morning lecture! I am also very sorry that I did not took the chance to get to know you more but I believe that we will do it in future. Latest on the next hive fest or a europe meetup somehow :) The first step is made that we met in real life already!

I highly recommend doing such a writing excercise. It really helps to refocus on what you want to be and to find out why you are the way you are. It doesn't have to get posted to the internet even though this has been a big part of why I did write this post in the first place. I felt really released after clicking "publish" and shared my story with the internet.

Thank you for the kind and uplifting words buddy! See you soon somewhere in real life when we have a coke or some other refreshing drink!

What a great idea and lost. Really feel like I learned a lot more about you <3 Life is complicated and messy and it’s good to reflect on it in this way.

You’re a beautiful person, be proud of what you have overcome, and it’s amazing to hear you found a true love <3

Thanks for sharing so openly.

Awww thank you so much for reading and your encouraging words!! Yes life is messy but a little mess is fun and refreshing as long as we find something positive in it I think :) And when I look back I wouldn't want to do anything different in my life since thats how I got here writing with you kind person ♥️ thank you again :)

Yo)

Thursday and Thrice

Love it!!

It was nice to read about getting out from drug addiction. People can change, there is hope and you are one a success story. Glad you found help from your boss.

Roaller coaster? 😆 Never mind, . But I would love to hear the screams?

Greetings from the Philippines.

Hiving has help me in my journey in life too as I writing since 2018, and lets see whats up on year 2030?

Thanks for reading through it and your thoughts! Yeaaaaa roller coasters and swimming in ponds will be my big 2023 achievements :D I am so happy to have found Hive back in the days. It helped me to develop so many skills and I wanna focus on them in the last bit of this year :) Hope you will have a great weekend and that we see each other again here in the chain!

Peace!

Hey @tibfox I have to take my hats off to you for being so open to speak about your past. I can imagine it probably isn't a period in your life that you want to revisit often, even in memory. However, sometimes I think it's these episodes that make one stronger and be more appreciative of things in life and I'm so pleased that you are on track with everything in life (well apart from your debt but that will be gone eventually).

It's a pity that we didn't get to speak more in Amsterdam, but I do feel I know a lot more about you now. 😀

Thank you for your appreciation :) It helped me a lot to open it up here. Now a few days after the post I can tell you I feel ay better even though I did not had obvious issues with the past. This post helped me somehow even more to get over all the struggle. The dept is something that does not hurt me soo much - it is more the unconscious feeling that will go away then. Perhaps I win something anywhere so I dont have to wait 8 years for the freeing but yeah it is not that huge of a deal thanks to my job.

Yeah next time we will need to talk more :) And then I also have something more to talk about hive related and probably make a presentation as well. I enjoyed yours a lot - it made more clear what ocd now stands for. After being absent for so long I lost track of so many things haha

Hope to see you again at the next hive fest and that you will have good times until then :))

 2 months ago  

You've gone through a lot in life, and it always inspires me when people take the courage to show vulnerability and tell the world how they overcame their hardships in life. Some lessons can be learned the hard way, but there are also some that we can learn from others who've come out of the other side.

This was a great read. "The person I want to become" is also a significant part of how I choose to live my life right now. If time permits, I might write my own version of your post.

Stay strong, man!

Thank you so much for the encouraging words and for reading man. Yeah other peoples life lessons can teach us so much on many levels. It has been a key factor of my rehab I think. Getting to know people who srtuggles on so many levels helped me to appreciate my life and future way more. I am excited for your post when you have the time :) But I think it has to flow naturally you know? But please remember to mention me in your post so I will receive a notification!

Have a great weekend and thanks for your work on that community buddy!

Peace

@tibfox You are such a resilient man! The hardest things in life would always be our great teachers. I knew you find relief in writing about yourself as this is therapeutic, too. I so love your creativity and motivation to put your emotions into writing. Just like you, I write from the heart, that is why in another blogging world, I had created a community named, flex your heart, with a tagline of just write from the heart.

It is so nice meeting you today with your wonderful and amazing life. And of course, how I love your purple-colored hair. How I wish I could have mine with color pink. Hehe. See you around my friend. Have a great day and take care always.

Thanks a lot for your kind comment :)) I actually did not wrote blogs for a long time so it was very strange and a bit hard for me to write from my heart but at the end there is this very productive and therapetuic outcome. I will defintely write many more of those deeper posts in near future as I have so many things to share with the world and writing it down helps me to reflect a lot. Thank you for encouraging me to do more :)

I have green hair now and after this I will try out deep red. Aaaand after that I think I will circle thorugh those colors for as long as I want to stand out or this is a way I want to express myself. Coloring hair is also a pretty big step when you do it for the first time. Especially as a male people recognize and talk to you about it on the streets. It is still unusual for many somehow. Happy to be one of the people who open those narrow views in society for at least the younger generation who still can learn that it's okay to express yourself however you want :)

Thanks again for your comment and hopefully we will read us back soon :)

@tibfox Aww, I could see that your hair turned green now from purple that I had seen three days ago. It looks so cool and I so love how you express yourself in the society. It’s somewhat freedom of expression through aesthetics.

You know, our Nationality usually have a black hair, but I am turning my hair into blonde. Like every month, it is really a routine to change my hair color of all shades of blonde because I am already used to it.

I did not really know that it has been a while that you were not writing blogs. Someone reblogged your post and I find that very interesting. I am really inspired by your journey and you are such an inspiration my dear friend. Keep writing from the heart and see you around my friend.

Thank you so much for your time and attention. Take care always.

Great post Norman. I learned more about you which was great! Keep up the “deep work” or writing things like this. I find them to be therapeutic.

Thank you for reading and encouraging me on doing the "deep work". It is very therapeutic to write about myself and the struggles so I will keep this going for sure!

Bro! When you come to the Hague we will go on a roller-coaster 😍 We will be there with you taking that leap and do it together 😉 We don't know each other very well, but I could feel positive energy beaming from you. I know you got a kind and warm personality.

The future is yours my friend 😉

Thank you for your comment and yes - we are going to do the ride when I am in your home town! I am scared already now xD

We can all scream together 🤣 we will scream harder to make it more scary 🤣🤣🤣

Haha I can imagine lol

What a story (I read it all)! Really! Thanks for sharing so much about you with us, in a so open manner. You should be proud about everything you have been through (both the peaks and the dips; we learn from any experience and this is what matters most).

I may go to Hamburg at some point next year (there is a big research centre called DESY there; I think that I mentioned this to you at HiveFest, didn't I?), and I hope we will have the opportunity to meet and get food and drinks.

Cheers!

Thank your for reading through the post and your kind words! It has been a very good and positive step to write about my history and to open it up to strangers on the interwebs. This helps a lot to come clear about stuff in the past I think. Yes please let me know when you come to DESY so we can arrange a little meetup in a cozy restaurant or bar! Thanks again for your comment and have a great weekend ahead!

Have a great week-end too!

You are a genius, im using the DTubeGO app you developed, like many DTubers are using to share they videos, thats is incredible, how importa are you!! have many others things you did for me, inspire, helped me in many ways with your awesome Dtube videos, you are mere than a leader, you are fkn awesome human!!! thanks for this post, thanks for be you, bless