Working mothers often face prejudices. Both in offline life as in online as a co-worker , wife, mummy and blogster. It’s a fact and I deal well with facts, but sometimes it’s just not fair and does it feel weird to talk back. Why do I have to answer to the fact that I am not always with my children , well not all day. But fathers, like hubby strangely enough, never hear these things. I had a discussion today and this is also what was said.
First, the term "working father" doesn't actually exist. It is true that most daddies work. Everyone thinks that is normal. Everyone thinks that's how it should be. And nobody thinks that is sad for the children.
"Don't you miss your children when you go to work?" Apparently parenthood is an important part of their identity only for mothers. For fathers, children are a kind of accidental incident in their lives. Nobody thinks that a father would rather be with his children than at the office. Apparently he just puts his paternity off for a few hours a day. I have to say in our household hubs is there some days so this doesn’t apply to us but again that was said.
"You didn't have children to be raised by someone else, did you?" After all, fathers are apparently not there for the education, so it doesn't matter if they are not there for part of the day. And now in Covid times is for us a reason to be more home and have time with them while they have homeschool some days when fysical educators are not available. Than we step in and make it fun and work late at night to get things done.
Well we had a great discussion and I had some laughs about this subject aswell. Laughs because it’s such a strange, old fashioned way of thinking. And it was something that surprised me a bit. It 2020 dear collegues and personel from outsourced companies at our station. But again this time I can blog about it, and hear what you have to say. And don’t get me wrong I love a discussion and I still love my own life and that of my family. I always stick to a plan and that is also with this if I am happy and my family is happy it’s ok.
A father is just as much a parent as a mother. With the same feelings and capacities. So perhaps it is time to start treating men and women who have children as parents and not as fathers or mothers. Because really, there is just not that much difference.
What are your thoughts ?
Let me know in the comments.
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Blog Date : 13-10-2020
You know you've got some really good points there that I have never thought about.
Especially the non-existent term 'working father'. That is such a good point.
Another archaic patriarchal term and ingrained belief that has somehow managed to stay alive in this modern age, which when we think about all of the indoctrinated beliefs as @flewsplash has pointed out we still face every day, this is really not such a modern age- atleast not as modern as it should be by now.
And you're right- parents should simply be known as parents- especially since there are far more than mum's and dad's as parents these days.
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BEER.Many times I feel that all the responsibility for the children falls on the mothers ... This should not be so, parenting is a matter for both and to the same extent. Luckily in these last years mentalities have been changing and for the better.
I have had a taste of this been single but with siblings to lookout for, my dad has a different life of his own and is rarely home I feel that all he does is make provision and that's all.
A thousand time I needed him around to at least discipline or talk to the kids, he is never around and parenting is such a huge task on me, I have failed in so many aspect and am worried about how the kids will turn up. I really want to bring up the most disciplined talented and virtuous kids, but even if I give my best, will I get the right results, am really worried I must confess.
At some point I have to pause my own life to sit with them even when its not convenient.
Yes, very true! I know at least one man who is a stay-at-home-Dad and does a great job with it! He works from home and helps keep the house in-shape while watching the children when they're not in school! It's time to change our thinking!
😀
Personally, I stopped working on the streets to dedicate myself to my son, being that I am a single mother, in principle, more than a responsibility, I felt it was a necessity for me, because even having someone to take care of my child while I was in the office working, I felt I should be with him and it is not something I regret. In my case the role of the father of my son is being exercised by my father, and he is learning to do the things that he never did with us his children because he was always working, I have seen him playing with my son, watching television, and even doing homework and it is something very beautiful, that I would have sincerely liked to have him when I was little.
I am a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, a homeschooler mom and a single mom.
To answer your question ... yes I still have my own hair and remarkably it isn't grey:)
Love and necessity see us through:)
You made me laugh here as this is so recognizable. People also seem to think that if you work from home, you can just barge in every moment without notifying someone first. So annoying because I have my working hours, planning for my day and on top of that I can be in a meeting! Come on, I don't just visit you at the office either do I? (sorry that's my biggest frustration for years :) )
Haha, indeed, funny right? We have had a period when I was working and boyfriend taking care of daughter. Currently, we can both work as she's school age. But when we are in lockdown and both working from home, we divide the care.
I personally understood why some fathers think going to work is a relief during a child's young age, when it's a certain phase when they cry a lot, I can totally imagine it's a blessing to "escape" to work. I felt that way. Unfortunately, when I arrived home, I needed to get out the boob asap so by the time daughter was done, I was so tired that I also fell asleep :) lol.. Glad those years are behind me now. So much easier when they go to school..
I used to say this as well myself, but regarding my personal situation! I never bothered to vent my feelings about other parent's ideas of parenthood. To each their own. And I think we should be a bit less judgemental. I mean, sometimes you think you will do it like A, and life gets a twist (think about corona for example) when you suddenly will do plan B, which you never imagined you'd do. You can't look into the future.
Long comment dear, sorry :) haha
This is the best thing I've read on Hive today. I really enjoyed your post, it contains great reflections and is an inspiration to anyone. I am not a mother but I reflect myself in your thoughts and I think all the governments around the world should do their part to help integrate this idea (in Italy we are still a long way away). Thanks for sharing with us and I wish you a nice day :) greetings