“That there are all kinds of love, and it arrives in different shapes and forms. It can be earned, but not paid for. It can be given, but never bought. And once it’s truly there, it holds fast. This love thing.” ― Lucinda Riley, The Olive Tree
Every single day is a matter of processing at the moment. Yes, life goes on and I am doing my very best to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on, because I know I need to - but the reality hits often and hard.
This may seem like an odd thing to share publicly... but I have forever been an oddball and I suppose it is no weirder than the fact that I am living in my moms clothes simply to keep her close to me. Yesterday I went to collect my moms ashes. Yes, it was her wish to be cremated. As with the few other humble requests of hers, we did our best to honour them all.
It has been one thing going through all of her possessions... each and every one, transporting me to a previous time in my life - momentary flashbacks of just how many memories and how much love was shared. A stupid (brown... gross lol) pillow I made in needlework when I was like 8 years old and completely sucked at sewing because I am left handed, silk scarves that I can still see my mom wearing with such elegance, to a little knitted crop top that only a woman with her magnificent figure could have pulled off! All of these precious items have been carefully selected and packed away very specifically...
but what of having to hold your "actual" mother in your hands... as much as I like to put on a brave face with most things in my life... I was not actually ready to hold her ashes in my hands. It was incredibly overwhelming. About an hour before we left to go fetch them I became incredibly nauseous. Enroute we discussed the possibility of my stomach disagreeing with the curry I had made the night before, but the truth is I think my emotions and nerves got the better of me. I was given this little wooden box, holding the woman that had literally been pivotal in everything positive in my life, walked away from the door and got back into the car, placing her on my lap. I stared and stared at this little box in disbelief and then I cried.
In her "doctors scrawl" as we so often teased... my mom made the request that we plant some Rosemary as it symbolises "remembrance". To be frank, I was pretty shocked at that request lol, considering the amazing green fingers she was - even I recall the many times she not only told me, but that I experienced first hand how EASILY Rosemary can turn up it's toes and die. Being that out of us kids, I am the only girl and the only one that is really much into gardening... I suggested that we honour mom with the rosemary on the day of the memorial (which we did) with the bookmarks I made, but that when it came to the ashes - that we plant something a little more resilient... like an olive. Well, in this case it will be four olives... so that we all get one.
The groves were God's first temples.- William C. Bryant
As my eldest brother very aptly pointed out... the olive was very special to mom... it was featured in MANY of her paintings and it's independent symbolism aside, it would make a very fitting choice for her ashes.
As many of you know, we are not all together at this point in time... my eldest brother Brett is over in London - so we will do this when we are all together. Until then, mom resides in her room, alongside her Lucinda Riley novels.
I picked the quote at the beginning of this post from one of Lucinda Riley's books because although I have never read a word she has written, she was one of my moms favourite authors and whilst looking for quotes on olive trees, this happened to pop up, almost uncannily. We actually clubbed together and bought her six of Lucinda's novels for her 71st birthday on the 19th May... sadly she never even got to turn the cover on a single one. I have however placed them on the shelf in her room. Perhaps I will pick one up and read it some time. Time... yes, time.
The olive tree is surely the richest gift of Heaven. I can scarcely expect bread. - Thomas Jefferson
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
FOUNDER OF THE POWERHOUSE CREATIVES
JOIN ME ON TWITTER
A community dedicated to producing quality content in multiple genres,
offering our subscribers a read worthy feed.
JOIN OUR DISCORD COMMUNITY ALL IMAGES ARE MY PROPERTY UNLESS OTHERWISE CREDITED
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR COMMUNITY FEED
LIKE OUR FB PAGE
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER
Created by @derangedvisions
I don't see any oddity there at all. I have dozens of shirts from people that have passed and every time I put one on I think of the man that wore it before me. It's a memorial.
I just delivered my father's ashes to my brother. They have been here for 10 years, but it's time for mom and dad to get back together. We can't seem to come to a decision exactly what to do with them. To me, that simply means we haven't been guided to the right answer yet.
From my perspective (which counts for nothing in this case) you are doing just fine. Keep on keepin' on, Sister.
I suppose you are right in that sentiment @bigtom13, so thank you for that.
Lovely that your mom and dad are finally reunited. Not sure when my brother will be coming back down from London but I suppose there is no real rush and I feel it is important that we go through the process together... At least he IS actually still around - as you know we nearly lost him towards the end of last year too.
Thank you for the encouragement and positivity xxx
No words because I still hold a lot of things of my mom, especially chain which she used to wore every day, her clothes and some jewelry which I am holding still, in fact, I have few things here which belongs to her :(
It is sad when you reflect on those items, but in the same way it helps a lot. Knowing that someone as beautiful as you has gone through the same experience gives me hope for brighter days too love, so thank you!
It's been 10 years since I lost my mom, but her memories are always with me. Trust me it was hard to believe that she is not with me, she became just a picture. But whenever you start feeling your mother around you, you will feel good. You just need some time... I hope wherever she is, she will always be with you, not physically but mentally...
Thank you love! I hope so too. ❤❤❤
Wow que recuerdos tiernos, referente a lo sucedido, si uno se va de este mundo es para estar mejor, es es mi manera de pensar tambien de esta manera dejamos y damos tranqulidad a los que quedan en esta tierra, gracias por compartir, saludos.
Dude, this is all moving. I admire your bravery in receiving the chest of ashes from your dear mother. I really admire you. You are an example to all of us.
Thank you for such encouraging words @elpastor. It means a lot to me.
Beautiful reflections, @jaynie. I'm sure every day is hard in some way. The day you hold your mother's ashes in your hands has got to be a tough one. She is there with you, in some essential way. And that is beautiful.
I like to believe so @jayna xxx Thank you
I loved the quote about love! So lovely! I think the right kind of love is the one which stays. People come and go, but those who really touched our heart always remain there. Permanent residents in our mind and soul. Forever. That powerful is true love. Thanks so much for sharing Jaynie, it must not have been easy for you.
And thank you for such a beautiful response. It is never easy to share such facets, but I also know well that it is indeed a part of the processing and healing which is why I allow myself to go through it.
xxx
🤗
Hi sweet its a journey and this is again one of the moments where the thought of having her on your lap in a box are the moments you just want to die yourself, or her arm around you again like on the age of the needlework assignments, but planting either rosemary or olives, its new life that will grow with you and will be shined upon from heaven. The stages that you have to go through are hard , not nice, hurtful and grey but you can do it. And you are part of her she lives on in all 4 of you and all the family around you, step by step dear and you will be guided by the best,
Xo
Thank you love!
Its true , you will see
I know you are right! Love you so much! Thank you for always being such a good friend to me! ❤❤❤
❤❤❤
Thank you @thekittygirl and @innerblocks xxx