Around midnight last night, it was four years since my wife's water broke and she did a little dance around in our apartment - three hours later - she wasn't dancing anymore, but we were still at home as she didn't want to wait around the hospital for no reason. We ended up heading in around 4 am, my wife in relatively good spirits, but in a fair amount of pain.
It was another 16 hours until Smallsteps was finally delivered into the world and due to complications in the labor, it took about 7 nurses and 3 doctors in the room to get the task done. It was one of the scariest moments in my life and unlike my wife, I can still remember it all in vivid detail, including the looks on the nurses faces throughout the process.
I have spoken of the various challenges with Smallsteps on Hive over the years, the diet issues, waking up to her having seizures and holding her without recognizing her face (the scariest moment in my life) and all sorts of tests and financial strains - but we are lucky. She is awesome and gets more so by the day.
When asked what she wants for her fourth birthday, she only said that she wanted to make a rhubarb pie for the guests who will come on Sunday to celebrate - she can't even eat it. However, we of course wanted her to have something to mark the occasion and since she is already pretty good with numbers, we figured a watch would be a suitable gift - though she ended up with two. I ordered a snap band one from Amazon as we couldn't find it here, but it looked like it wasn't going to arrive on time, so I found another locally. The amazon one got delivered last night. Neither are expensive and I don't know how long they will last, but she is pretty happy with them.
She has decided that the flamingo one is for when she is playing, the cat one for special occasions, like going out to the shops. Again, we are pretty lucky as for a kid and while accidents happen, she has always treated her belongs well. We have taken the approach of trust her first, clean up if needs be and so far, there is still plenty of trust to the point that I worry that we forget that she is just four years of age. A lot of people seem to forget when they talk to her.
The picture below is the first time she held my hand and the first time she stopped crying after the delivery. They took her to a side room to weigh and clean her up, while they worked on my wife in the delivery area. I remember being in awe of this tiny little thing in front of me, while simultaneously looking through the window at the doctors and nurses working on my wife. It was a strange feeling and I noted the relationship to risk and reward.
I know that a lot of people are scared to become parents and I know that a lot aren't scared, but should be, but at that point, I felt prepared, I felt confident and I knew I'd be a good father. I didn't know what we were going to face soon after, I didn't know how long my wife's recovery would take and I didn't know how difficult our financial situation would become.
I started to learn a few hours later - after getting home at around 2 am as they don't have a family room at the hospital for the fathers, I got a frantic call from my wife saying that our daughter had been rushed to intensive care. It was a sign of things to come and has kept us on our toes ever since, but at the same time, I am glad that we experienced it, as we learned early on that we can manage and for the next couple years, it was a pretty thorough test of endurance, resilience and the ability to cope under compounding pressures.
Those times were the most physically and emotionally draining I have experienced and I hadn't led a life of leisure prior. We often underestimate how much we can accomplish, we often give in before our energy is spent - but when people you love are relying on you to perform - you will perform til incapable and in doing so, find out how capable we really can be.
It is interesting to me how so many these days say they can't, that they are too tired, not skilled enough or such and such when it comes to doing things that they claim to want. From my own experience, I figure it is more a motivational issue than any real roadblock and I think the problem is that we don't truly understand what incentive we need to do our best.
I think it is easy to make a decision to personally miss out on things that take effort to have - much harder when the people who will miss out are the ones that we care about the most in this world. because of this, I find it strange how few people seem to care about the future of the economy, the environment and the society that we are building at this time.
Every parent wants their child to be happy, but in my opinion, it has to be enduring, meaning that being happy now is not enough if the future is bleak, health is poor, opportunity is gone. Working toward that better world is selfish, because that world is going to be the place that the people we love will grow, play and live their lives and it is us who wants them to have the best of it.
It is a risk and reward system again. The risk is that all the effort will go to waste, the reward that those who are to come will gain from those who are gone.
Smallsteps is now around 1/10th my age, yet she has been the instigator of more learning about the world and myself in that time than anyone or anything else previously. Some say that having a child is a selfish act and it very well may be, but perhaps having something we love and want to protect that we expect to live past ourselves, keeps us evolving who we are to become.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Powerful words, Taraz. My little one is a few months older, and came into the world without any problem, unlike her older sister. They both changed our lives forever for the better. Watching them grow is the most rewarding thing for me these days!
I would suspect that on average, life does change for the better with children, especially if considering how much harder a person is willing to work. Of course, they cost more too :) I am pretty amazed at how much she develops in such a short time frame and wish that I could bottle some of her enthusiasm for life :)
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.A very happy birthday to your beautiful girl and WHAT a beautiful post! I love how you so often express your appreciation and gratitude for your wife... it is a rarity these days, very few and far between and VERY SPECIAL! I also had an incredibly traumatic labour... not quite as intense as your wife, but 10 years later and as much as there are days when I want to hang my son up on the washing line... I would not change it for the world!
LOVE those watches! !tip
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I have always appreciated my wife, but for a moment during the labor, I thought I might lose her. She is a great mum and does it with apparent ease - All the best bits of Smallsteps come from her side
The "hang up on the washing line" bits, are all me :D
I think in the west and general world now, we are somewhat "spoiled" by medicine and a lot of us have forgotten how dangerous childbirth can actually be. It gives us a false sense of security.
!ENGAGE 25
ENGAGEtokens.She stopped crying when she held your hand and that is when you started crying. It is amazing child birth and how much things really do change. More responsibility and caring for someone you have never met as it is your own flesh and blood. I must admit it changed me drastically and was another ageing process as I had no idea what to expect. This is something you can never be prepared for mentally as it is all so new.
I weirdly (I think) didn't cry at all. I think a part of that was because of how much energy it took to focus on what was happening and make sure my wife didn't panic.
The grey hair has a root somewhere ;)
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Great post, babies are amazing. My oldest is 4 in 6weeks and is running this house.
We also had a Covid baby (not with Covid, just was born this spring) and is growing fast.
Casey Neistat had a great video recently about how raising little ones is easy, it’s being a parent to a 20yo that’s hard.
I spend all the time I can being around my babies and giving them my full attention. I want them to always know I’m there for them.
Congrats on the baby! And, was it weird to have a Covid baby - were there differences at the hospital?
Silently hard. Though, I hope I raise something a little more responsible than a millennial ;D Just think, a 20 year old not too long ago was married with children of their own, working in some kind of career.
I think the best thing a parent can do for their child, is listen.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.This text has moved me a lot, @tarazkp! Especially that last paragraph. Generally, in some cultures, a father's feelings are belittled when he takes on his role. How wrong they are! Fathers can feel the same love, concern as a mother. As you've said, parenting is a full-time job that doesn't come with instructions, where you don't get a vacation, and where the only reward you expect is the well-being of your child. Although I am not a mother, I agree that all responsible parenthood comes from the desire to be a mom or dad. Being a father should not be seen as an investment in the future, or bringing a child into the world to save a relationship and most especially, you should not have them because society says so. That picture where Smallsteps takes your finger is really a beauty: it's a summary of everything you say here. A child is a force, but also someone who needs you. Hugs, @tarazkp!
A lot of people do belittle the fathers these days (perhaps always) as if they don't play a role. I don't know about others, but I can say of myself that I have definitely put in for this also :)
I think a lot of people do this - however, I think that these days a lot of people don't have children because of society too. There is the sense that a children is a burden and when people are raised to maximize themselves - they don't want to be slowed down having to care for someone else.
What I like is that when we walk hand in hand, she still often holds my finger like that :)
Seems like the initial love at first sight and magic early bond continues. I suspect you must still conserve very fat fingers.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.You know the watch that is my Fave I am sure... lol
What a heartwarming post this was. Thank You. (smiles)
Not hard to guess at all :D
Did you ever noticed how 'alien-alike' these little ones looks when they arrive to this planet?
Haha, no wonder you got instantly abducted for life once yours touched your finger. :D
She had an even longer head than normal because of the suction required :D
Yep, coneheads due their usual resistance to abandon too soon the comfortable weightless environment of the lovely warm womb.
But that once they receive the doctor's welcome pat in their touchy, from there on they begin to acquire their slightly more ugly humanized traits. :D
She is a beautiful, precious child! Wonderful photos of her!
I wish her a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 😊
Thanks and yes, she is a lovely one in my eyes :)
Happy birthday to Smallsteps. You can feel the true love while she is here now.
:) Lots of love around here
I have not been online because of phone related problems and seeing as i am terrible when it comes to coping with minor changes and road blocks with my already established plans i have been in really down spirits. I just ahd to look for your post to give me a certain push in the right direction amd as always i was not disappointed. Thank you.
Funny thing about roadblocks, overcoming them gives far more energy and feels really good :)
Lol. That is true. Perseverance has never been one of my strong traits. I am definitely working on it though. Thank you.
You picked an awesome gift, I still remember my first adorable colorful watch :D
Also this post totally increased my fear of kids and labor 😂😅
I can understand that - but one tip - do all the prep work you can - some of it might be weird - just in case :)
Can you please elaborate? (I'm not preganant if that's what it sounded like xD)
There are stretching exercises that I will call "intimate" that can be done to help prepare - but like all exercise, they have to be done to be effective :) You can google further...
Ahhh xD good to know. Makes sense :D
Happy Birthday, @smallsteps! She's by far the coolest four-year-old I know.
I don't know many 4 year olds, but I agree :D
I have known some. :D
I am so scared of having children, a child is so precious and it's scary that I would be in charge of a little one, but this post really touched me in a deep way. Happy birthday smallsteps!! She is so beautiful
It can be scary, but the best part is that if you love them and support them, they are pretty easy not to break :)
I always dream about having a daughter but my childhood wasn't the best and I cannot imagine how protective i would be of her..
Happy Birthday Smallsteps 🎂🎉🎂🥳 May you tread your own path and be kind and healthy.
May the Fourth be wid you 🙌👀
She treads, jumps, rolls, dives....Smallsteps... :)
Happy Birthday Smallsteps 🎂
:)
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how are you dear friend @tarazkp good afternoon
Being a father is the best thing that can happen to us, the experience of the first birth is unique and terrifying, in us the health of our wife is always present and the uncertainty of how our little child will be born.
Life and destiny is capricious, you always put certain situations in front of us, just to see how we are able to overcome them.
You have made a wonderful birthday present. Congratulations on your beautiful family
Cute little munchkin. Her, not you.
Oh, time goes by so fast. She's a big girl now! :) The thought of having a child is a bit scary for me. Child means big responsibility. I hope when the time comes I can handle it. :) I wish your daughter a long healthy life.
Congratulations to all of you!
Having a child is a wonderful experience and although you suffer sometimes, the reward is impossible to describe.
Here's my present for you and your wife, as her is your sunflower. I took this shot I few minutes after I took the apple tree field one.
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A very, very, very candid article. An excellent confirmation that people are the most valuable thing in our life.