Yesterday I had a very slow and tired day.
I haven't slept well the last nights, maybe there was too much on my mind. And yesterday I felt a bit dizzy the whole day, and really really slow ^^
I appreciate those days though, because they kind of force me to focus on myself and my body, to really listen to what I need and what is good for me.
And I seem to need a little reminder every now and then ^^
It was a sunny, warm and spring-like day, so I decided to spend a time in the forest, in nature, to gather some wood and pine cones for our fireplace, take some photos, because it's fun, and just sit in the sun for a while, listening to the wind in the trees and enjoy myself.
I'm very grateful, that, a year ago, I'd put myself in a position, where I don't have to get up early to go to work, where I don't have to pretend that I'm fine and fully functional the whole day, when sometimes I'm not.
And my life really got much slower and happier since then, and I'm much more relaxed.
But obviously one year is not enough to get out all the years of conditioning at school and in life in society out of my body, because there still seems to be that old tension in my muscles, that constantly drains my energy!
Although I'm doing things that I love, and although there's no one telling me, to watch out, to be faster or to pull myself together, I still feel this unnecessary tension all the time.
And it's so hard to let it go!
It's like I'm afraid, that I would vanish without that tension!
Without my body being in that "watch out" state all the time. As if I would suddenly become a wobbly jellyfish thing, floating useless through the ocean of life, unable to do anything.
But I wouldn't vanish, I'm pretty sure of that!
I would still be here, I would still be able to do all the things that I want to do. Probably I would even be more efficient, without constant tension, that eats up my energy. And I wouldn't need whole days of "regeneration", because the things that I do wouldn't be that exhausting anymore.
I could use my whole energy in a balanced and useful way.
Yeah, that's where I want to be one day :-)
So I'm practicing.
And days like yesterday, when my mind is tired and slow anyway, are perfect for that!
I tried to just focus on the next thing (the next pine cone for example), and then the next (oh, a piece of wood!) and then the next (the basket's full, I'll sit down and rest).
By doing that (and I could really do it more often), I think I can slowly convince myself and my body, that I won't vanish, even without constant tension. And I could transfer that state of mind to my daily activities.
Maybe I am a bit like a wobbly jellyfish then.
But what's wrong with just floating through life?
Maybe it's a matter of trust, that as a human being, I have the natural urge to be active. A need to do things and create and built. And that nature is always there and will always come back to me. It's just covered sometimes by too much old tension, exhaustion, worries and the fear of not being enough.
And actually, that jellyfish has been quite useful yesterday!
I've managed to gather two baskets of wood and pine cones, that we need for the fireplace, take a a bunch of nice photos I can share in this post, and organize some philosophic thoughts about life and health!
And if I hadn't been so tired from all that exhausting tension I even would have written this post in the evening!
So there's really no need to strain myself all the time, when it's really not necessary.
And one day, I'm sure, my body will realize that as well.
And imagine, what great things I'll be able to achieve then!
I think we all need these times of reflection and self awareness. The past year has certainly been an existential crisis for a lot of people. Some are able to deal with it in the way you do, which I think is awesome. Others not so much but that’s part of being human.
Glad you were able to relax and spend time doing these simple pleasures in life!
I agree, everyone certainly has huge challenges in these times. I see a lot of transformation and change in my family and friends, as well.
I'm just glad, I'm living here surrounded by nature, where I don't have to deal with all that wordly weirdness that much. So I can really focus on myself :-)
I've felt the same of late. Nature is such a tension reliever. For me it's the garden or surfing.. I can lose myself in the moment and find tension disappear. Love this post and your photos..
Thank you <3
I noticed I also find a lot of relaxation in cooking lately ^^ When I can prepare everything in my own pace, listening to music ... I can be completely in the moment. And I get the dinner done, although I'm not super tense! And this is what I have to notice in those moments, to convince myself, that I don't need the tension to do things. Most of the tension is so old and has nothing to do with where I'm now.
At the moment I'm listening to Joehle Klaus books. Your post like a visual adaptation of his books)
Oh, wow, that's interesting! Never heard of him, but I will look into it. You made me curious now ^^
=)
love it :)
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Cool, thanks! <3
Nice pictures, @anafae!
The area you are in seems to be very beautiful.
It is! Lot's of trees basically ^^
Thank you <3
Lovely post .Time out in nature is great for the soul feels like spring is on its way.
Thank you! <3
Yes, spring came around a few days ago. Don't know yet, if it'll stay this way, but right now it's so warm and sunny and great, it really lifts my mood :-)
!discovery 25
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