If there is anything that I have learnt from the past few weeks, it is that I have my limits and that when I overstep them I crash and burn (as we all do). I crashed pretty hard this time, struggling to find the energy to do simple tasks and getting very frustrated with it.
As time dragged by, I wasn't seeing much progress with my healing. Then I started to get worried, I had lost weight along the way and my eldest daughter started to express her concern. Especially as we all witnessed my sister deteriorate. I kept telling her that i was healing, but I also felt like I had hit a wall and my energy was just not picking up.
I got dizzy and overheated if I tried to do too much and I just felt really frail. Something that is really hard for me to accept. I'm used to walking everyday,being super active and carrying my youngest on my back as I walk to town to get supplies. But suddenly just trying to hand wash was exhausting me.
I am stubborn and have spend many years managing by myself, asking for help is something I continue to find really difficult and yes it is something I am working hard on. Cos here’s the thing, I would get upset to think a friend of mine was suffering and didn’t feel comfortable enough to reach out to me.
But this is something that is deep rooted in me, ultimately stemming from the fact that I believe I am not worthy of receiving any help! Some things are so embedded within us, I have improved a bit, but still I tend to push myself and then I end up getting sick all over again. This repetitive behaviour is quite destructive, I know this, but yet I still struggle to reach out!
This time, some members of my community could see that I was unwell as I have lost a fair amount of weight so I couldn't really hide it and struggle on alone. I did have @celestialcow come visit me during this and she really helped by cooking some amazing food. But I had plans to do some interviews with her, but they just didn't happened, how could I when I was struggling just to sweep the floor.
So my frustration grew and then I started to worry. Because I didn't really know what was going on, my brain went into overdrive, so I had to check in with myself a few times and tell myself that it would be okay. But to be honest I really didn't feel too good. I could literally feel my energy dropping and I was so fatigued.
It's not easy being a single mum and not being able to give my girls what they need, which is my time and energy. I found it easier to just let them watch some documentaries or cartoons in the evening, because I was too exhausted sometimes even to read to them and I was getting increasingly irritable too.
This was not what I wanted them to be doing, but I felt like I didn't have a choice.
Two of my closest friends came to visit me and told me that they were really worried, so they had booked an appointment for me
with a local Naturopath, who would use some diagnostic tools to see what was going on.
I had spoken to one naturopath over the phone who recommended some remedies for me, and I seemed to improve a little only for me to go down hill again. But it is always better to see someone face to face, so this week I went to see him. I was a little nervous and got even more so when he began to tell me about the blockages I had and the parts of my body that were extremely overworked and constricted. But on a positive note my ph was good, 6.9 so I knew that it was not going to be anything chronic.
One thing he did tell me is that I am extremely sensitive to technology, so that I need to reduce the amount of time I spend on my phone and online. I kind of knew that already, but I do love to stay informed so I was using them a bit too much.
For this reason I am going to finish this post here and continue in more detail tomorrow about my appointment and some of the wonderful witchy brews that he recommended. Until then, be well xxx
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Please listen to yourself and to the naturopath. Be well! A big hug for you from me and my dogs!
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If you read this imagining that you are someone else and that you came across this publication, you can also understand a little bit about it. I know that it is difficult to ask for help from others because we believe that they also have their own problems and that they do not feel capable of helping us, but, human beings have empathy and when someone you love and appreciate is in a very difficult situation, the need to help them is born, but not if that someone does not let us know what is happening.
But you know yourself what you have to do and it is good to know that you are accepting help from others, from your loved ones. I am not an expert in this, but from experience what I can tell you is that you must listen to your heart, but more importantly to your mind, you are very wise and very intelligent, you will get through this, just let yourself be guided by the recommendations.
Thank you for sharing part of your life here, I send you many blessings.
Pressure builds and pressure must be released at some point. I hope this is what’s happening here. You’ve had one heck of a year(possibly a few...?) You’re wise and experienced and being that you have kids you know you have to pull through. But still, listen to your instincts and reach out when you need it. It sounds like your visit from a friend was just what you needed. Maybe you should welcome more of this..? Big hugs and please keep well xx
Be blessed with Infinite Light, Truth, Love, Power, Vision, Wisdom, Joy, Magic, Abundance and Health! Your ailments are merely an indication that you can yet unlock a far deeper strength in you, and your system is adapting to that.
All is well even when it looks terrible. All is well. Soon you shall look back at these days and smile, for they are the preface of a new, far more luminous chapter in your life!
I'm so glad you had access to a naturopath babe, and looking forward to the witchy brews they concocted to help support you. It's brave of you to admit you NEED help and to understand you'd be upset if one of your friends was suffering and they didn't ask. I am not suprised you are totally burnt out, given the last couple of years. I wish I could come over and insist on helping. xxx
Big hugs and hope you get back on your feet soon. xx