This two part post on psychological manipulation has turned into a potential mini series - on and around this subject.
There's a lot of ground to cover, and it behooves me to at least attempt to try and give you as full a picture as is possible.
This is part 2...of.... I'm not sure...
This post is not about me, as I said it would be - to use as 'a guide' to be able to help distinguish the difference between the authentic, and the disingenuous manipulator.
It will be coming shortly though - for sure.
Before I get 'to me' , this post will help to build up a picture - one that is necessary I feel - if you are to get to grips with the subject.
Trust.
The essential ingredient - and the Achilles heal - of the psychological manipulator.
All types of manipulation require trust of some description - even coercive and abuse manipulation requires a belief in the threats.
A trust that threats will be carried out.
The non overt type of manipulation is the focus of this post.
This is the far more subtle.
TRUST
The manipulator needs to gain some degree of trust from their victim(s) in order for manipulation to work.
To understand how this is used against people (and how it’s the Achilles heel), we first have to really understand what trust is.
What is trust?
The belief that someone can be relied upon.
...and it's a vital component of any intimate, social, or business, relationship.
Society as we know it today is built on this 'trust dynamic' - and it would most probably fail to function properly in the absence of that trust.
People who trust each other can cooperate more effectively and, conversely, a lack of trust can have many negative consequences.
We trust first, and doubt later...
Neuroscience research suggests that human brains are naturally prone to trusting another person first.
The psychological manipulator knows this full well (subconsciously or otherwise).
Psychological manipulator’s are in their element once they've gained their 'victims‘ trust - as it then places them into a position of power and influence over their unaware victim(s).
Once it's has been established between two (or more) people, the victims of that dynamic can - and will - defend the manipulator if they come under any kind of criticism.
Why?
Because of the 'trust element‘.
Once 'trust' has been established between parties, any critical appraisal that brings into question the veracity of said individuals or groups, will be viewed first and foremost, from a 'defensive' perspective.
The old truism: it’s easier to fool someone, than to convince them that they’ve been fooled‘... is very true..
Trust without some degree of transparency - is a fool’s errand.
Especially online.
The problem is that that we - as a species - are hardwired to trust first, and question later.(with some exceptions).
Interestingly, neurological research has also show that when a serious trust has been broken , the default 'trust first‘ no longer becomes the default.
The emotional impact of a broken trust can actually rewire the way the brain functions.
Anyone who's been through this very negative experience, knows it all too well.
This helps to explain why older people - who've had more years on the planet - can more cynical, and less idealistic.
It further supports the reason why - up until very, very recently - older people in societies were seen as 'the wise ones'- the people that were sought out, from which to ask advice. Life itself may well have rewired their cognitive functions, to be able see things in the cold harsh light of day. i.e. -reality.
Psychological manipulator’s will always seek to actively promote feelings of trustworthiness...and they will attempt to manipulate you, into feeling that trust in them.
How?
It's depends on the environment.
The 'financial guru' who really knows nothing , will try to blind you with facts and figures to gain an air of legitimacy...
The 'life coach guru' will try to impart ‘their higher wisdom’ using convoluted and nonsensical diatribes, making the need to trust them even more imperative ,due to the fact that they've constructed a reality which tells you - 'I must be really dumb for not understanding this guy'... I have to trust him.
The ‘down to earth guy’ will try to impress on you just how ‘down to earth' , he really is.
The biggest threat to the psychological manipulator is the honest person.
To manipulate a person into trusting you, involves deception. This can be done through agreeableness, such as appearing to be a very attentive listener, and answering questions in such a way that the victim wants to hear, or a conversation that reinforces the victims perspectives, is all part of that long term strategic plan - which is still, essentially- one of deceit.
The deception can only work on those that are willing to be deceived (unconsciously or otherwise).
The honest man is never willing to be deceived.
The honest man desires transparency above all things, for it's in this arena of transparency, that authenticity is established.
The honest man's world is an authentic one.
Authenticity is alien - and disturbing - for the psychological manipulator.
In an authentic world, words cannot be twisted to mean things that were not intended. (for example).
Words - and their meanings attached to them - can be dissected, discussed, and then an agreement come to as to the true definition of the word in question.
This is clarity in expression (transparency)... and this clarity is arrived at, through this process of 'agreed definitions'.
The psychological manipulator will shy away from definitions - of anything.
Why?
To 'define' something is to give it a tangible, solid position in the world.
The psychological manipulator cannot work and bend reality with 'the tangible' so easily as they can with 'the vague'.
(Their tools are 'vagueness' and 'ambiguity' dressed up as being 'deep' and 'profound'- when in reality, they are anything but).
They can also use 'straight' and 'direct' styles to gain trust.
You know, the 'stand up' type of guy.
(I'll discuss this trait in the manipulator, in another post).
So the question really becomes - How do we discern the trustworthy from the untrustworthy?
....The truly authentic from the non-authentic.
The genuine individual as opposed to those merely wishing to project an image of being genuine?
....Transparency is the key.
Just as trust is the manipulators favorite tool to gain leverage - transparency is the manipulators greatest enemy.
Why?
Being your authentic self requires transparency.. (warts and all).
Being your authentic self gives you true inner power.
The manipulator deals in the illusion of being authentic to gain power...(they feel powerless internally, and thus, need external structures of power with which to validate themselves).
99% of Politicians are a perfect example of this phenomena - in action!
The FEAR of being truly seen for who you are is the prime fear of the manipulator...
(this is the symptom of much deeper, underlying, psychological issues - like the ones that I've posted about recently).
Transparency exposes them to the light of day.
Another truism: 'The truth shall set you free...'
In the case of manipulator - the truth shall expose all your fears.
Actions, words, associations...
If the actions do not seamlessly integrate with the words – this is a big red flag.
('the T-shirt doesn’t say how the mouth behaves‘).
Online, it can be more difficult to identify of course.
Words, are words, are words – and actions real world actions are not easily seen in cyberspace.
Associations, however - can be a very useful.
People associate with like minded people.
From employment, to social circles, to intimate relationships – there's massive amounts of research and evidence that supports this.
People of similar 'looks‘, culture, political ideals, and even height – have correlations.
You're more likely to be successfully employed (and to get promotions) if you're in an environment of like minded people for example.
Employment environments and social connections are more likely with politically like minded people, also.
So, by taking time to look at the people around 'the person' in question, it is possible to build up a profile of someone - their beliefs, their politics, their lifestyles...and much, much, more...
The internet is a great tool for this type of research!
As I commented to @oldoneeye earlier on today - I’m involved (was involved - not so much at the moment), with group of people who were looking for the truth behind the facades.
I did research for them, to help out.
Lots of research.
And Even if I do say so myself – I’m pretty damn good at it!
My thirst for the truth is my motivator - it keeps you digging, finding a million dead’s ends, to only go down the next rabbit hole, and so on – UNTIL – you strike gold.
You hit the ' information mother lode!'.
THAT is why I’m good at that 'job‘.
The unwavering enthusiasm and tenacity for getting to the truth.
And THAT is the opposite of what the psychological manipulator ever , ever, wants.
THAT kind of openness and transparency terrifies the manipulator.
Why?
Because the truth undermines any deceptive, untrue, narratives, that they wish to promote.
That can undermines the trust that people have.
Truth is a threat to the manipulator.
Associations can serve as very accurate barometer, with which to gauge someone’s words , versus any hidden motivations that may be hidden well away from scrutiny.
Do your research - you might save yourself lots of emotional (and financial) pain, in your own future.
Being open is not a weapon to be used against you - it's protection against being manipulated.
We all have skeletons...show them off , grow up - and shame devil.
The manipulator is the devil in this context.
Wait until I show you some of my skeletons !
Coming up...
Hi lucylin,
Visit curiehive.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Thanks, again!