Being a pushover or not?

in Ladies of Hive2 months ago (edited)

Sometimes my own flexibility makes me uneasy. Wonder whether there is something half functioning or high functioning.
Till my graduation, I have never been in Hostels or shared apartments (semi-hostels). And right after I entered professional life, obtained a rather decent promising job for a beginner. Decent enough to rent my own apartment.

Hence, never in my life have I had to experience or to be factual, endure life with 10/12 women in one apartment.
Sharing bathroom, kitchen, balcony, and most importantly PRIVACY!

I am sort of a lone wolf species individual. My personality test asserts that I am 2% extrovert! I am glad I at least obtained 2%.
Anyway, so the point is above everything, quiet, peaceful environment and privacy hold my sanity. Once it's infiltrated, I become exhausted just by breathing even without moving a finger.

Nevertheless, I had that experience once. When I had no source of income. Had no choice but to undergo the cheapest possible lifestyle I could afford.

Including this time, it's twice for that kind of experience. Every time I was welcomed with extreme hostility as if I were a prisoner who has committed a sinful crime and now I am here to make their peaceful life jumbled!
That hostility made me even more intimidated as if even my breathing sound sounds too loud!

By one week, I learned some common traits in female hostels. Every women here is leaving because they are financially struggling. Perhaps which is why the women here rather assert a mentality of selfishness as if someone taught them and always on the edge, self isolated, overly conscious.

  • Everyone has this propensity of making a fuss over the tiniest issue!
  • They understand no adjustment or compromise yet they expect these from other parties!
  • They have so many things and spaces to share yet they will unnecessarily occupy everything alone
  • Sometimes one bathroom was for 8/10 persons but 1 person will occupy it in rush hour and almost every morning there will be a huge argument over it! And there are many other things.

Never I ever had any trouble with anyone. Yes, I am a goody-toe-shoes, however, sometimes it too gets on my nerves. But I know I will regret the moment I am involved in an argument. So I rather grind my teeth and withdraw.
Sometimes I wonder if I am a pushover and is this attitude positive to have as a trait.

Eventually, I realized even though everyone fought with everyone, but nobody with me. Rather they became quite friendly to the point sometimes they even allow me to cook first or take a bath if I seems to be in a hurry!

Trust me, these privileges are no trivial matters, it's almost a life & death level concession!
And later on, my other 2 hostile roommates became so easygoing that actually cook me delicious food and often share their amazing curry with me!
And all of these I achieved just by being calm and being a goody-toe-shoes or perhaps being a pushover.
At least I know this had made an impact, a good one. Even though almost nothing has changed but, subtle insights made them wonder, smile or rethink their unnecessary actions.

photo_2022-08-01_23-10-10.jpg Like this one!

I am paying half of everything, yet I am living in this tiny space of 1.5 ft (width) 7ft (length) for me in this room while I was supposed to owe half of the space of the whole room.
If I lie down, that's it. No moving back or forth or left to right.
She would switched on the light while I sleep and switched off when I work, sweep her bad and the dust will almost shower me, and my bed and many more inconveniences. And I cannot say anything from the fear of string an argument.
Hopefully she will turn out to be a nice person like before eventually!

And yet I have no complaints. Still, I find it home here! Even at this hardest time of life, I am extremely content towards myself that I am not on edge rather being patient and forgiving.


I like your writing! 😊


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Thank you.
Have a nice day out there

Hopefully your financial situation will get better so that you will be able to move out of there.

Your patience is commendable

Money comes and goes on its own, don't bother me much.
What remains out of it is those experience you have while being in several types of circumstances and I learned to enjoy even at worse.

Thank you 😇

Kudos to you being so calm and non-argumentative! I am sure this tries your patience, but as you've seen, it can be a benefit. Hopefully your situation will improve and you can say goodbye to the hostel. Thanks for sharing and have a lovely day!

Thank you very much.
It will get better eventually I believe. Until then hanging in there.
Have a nice day there.

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation and I admire your resolve of being patient and forgiving. I hope things will change for the better for you real soon.


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Please don't be sorry.
It’s just a phase of life, nothing more nothing less.
I would rather want you to be proud of me.
Sharing this naked troubles are not easy but I am glad I can happily do it here.
And some good wishes for me. I am certain I'll overcome it 😇

Aah, that's a great perspective and I did say I admire your resolve so to me, that equals being proud😉

Go !LADY, fighting💪💪💪

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Such kindness 😇
Have a nice day

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Being nice is good but being nice instead of doing the right thing counts as a sin.

Money is important but peace is all we need I hope you can discover yours.

I don't know will you like it or not. But doing some tution would help your cause.'s not about right wrong. It's just my nature, avoiding bad moments or arguments rather reacting. Because in this kind of life, it’s extremely exhausting if I actually react on each inconsiderate manners.
So I just adjust with myself, be patience, try to manage without being in unnecessary involvement.

Well I don’t know much people here around. Trying. No worries I will manage.
Thank you

I was in several hostels for seven years++. Then I stayed in apartments with others.

I am not suggesting you to be a rebel but best thing is to talk, get to know each other and become friends.

Everything has a start. Why not today.

All I wished is the best for you. If you are comfortable this way seems fine.

I have a lot of female friends and I can relate 🙂. They are complicated and bit overweening. But not that bad though. If they care for you they will do their best unless they are angry with you for some silly matters 🌚.

That's the difference when most of the boys will not even notice let alone react for girls you are done for good 🤣.

Honestly, boys are less complicated in this regard. (At least so far I have heard from many folks around ) But for women, it is totally opposite. Probably every working woman in our country who works on low pay jobs always has it hard on them. Even mid-level job holders.
To say, fault in our system is partly responsible.

However, I understand what you are implying.
And as I said, befriending is not easy and sometimes almost impossible if it's not an academic hostel. Hostels where high schoolers or graduate student, job holder and various type of women live under the same roof!

And it's rather easy this way to blend in quickly also suits for me as I seriously hates argument with someone whom I'll see in bathroom, bedroom, kitchen!

You got quite some experience I see 👀

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