I hate selfies with a passion. I have to take a few of them, use filters, get the angle right - and I generally feel like a dick doing them. Plus, I'm not young and pretty - in a few days, I turn 49, which proves what I've been saying for the last 9 years - I'm nearly 50. And as much as I practice acceptance, letting go, moving with the flow, being one with the moment, non judgement or attachment, there's that niggling part of me that struggles with getting old. In my heart and head I'm not old - I'm still bouncy and curious and love an adventure and I'm not old!
Anyway, Ladies of HIVE have asked this question for the community challenge #2 here and I decided I'd challenge myself to answer this question:
What are your best and worst character traits, and do you dare to post a TRUE SELFIE in your entry post (TRUE SELFIE means a selfie without makeup and filters applied).
Of course I protested and downright refused to do it, and then I thought - don't be an idiot, discomfort is a learning opportunity!
So here's my selfie:
Yeah yeah, I'm cheating. I didn't even set this image as the first visible post on my HIVE blog. Yuk.
Of course, it's not a true selfie - it's a photograph that my husband took on the weekend, and it's pretty close to dawn, so there's that nice diffused light. But it's definitely no filter, and no make-up.
And it's kinda me in my element, bare foot, in the wilderness, camping.
I don't wear make-up - maybe a bit of foundation for work if I'm feeling a bit grey. But I'm definitely not a make up girl. Never have been - maybe a bit of black mascara and a smudge of pale eyeshadow when I've gone out, but that's it. It comes from being quite active - surfing, horseriding and make up never really went well together.
So, my worst trait is really self confidence. I'm not self confident at all. It comes from being bullied as a teenager, and the teen girl inside me is still cowering a little (a lot) from that terrible experience. There's this fear I'm being horribly judged all the time and unloved, and as much work as I do on that aspect of myself, the damage done all those years ago was a very deep wound. On the surface, I'm confident enough, and no one really knows that about me (well, you do now!). It's something I'm working on, because how can I be my best self if I don't really believe in myself?
Of course, it's not all the time - sometimes I believe I'm kick ass! I'm a pretty empathetic, loving and kind person and I'm creative, too. I think I'm a good poet and a good writer, and I'm super proud of my accomplishments as a leader on HIVE, whatever that means. I've discovered I'm pretty good at bringing people together in community, both here and in real life, and I'm pretty self aware. They are certainly qualities I'm proud of. HIVE has taught me alot about what I'm capable of, and I'm so grateful for this space and the people here that are sounding boards, supporters, critics and advisors!
HIVE folk have actually contribute a lot to how I feel about myself. It's a world of all sorts of amazing people, all ages, all genders, all races, all cultures. Sometimes it's only when you've pretty much fallen in love with a person do you find out what they look like, and that's an amazing reminder to not judge people on their appearance. I guess this should be a lesson for me, right? If I'm not judging people for how they look why would others be judging me?
Us woman on HIVE know how hard it can be in an image focussed world where we're taught we should look a particular way to be loved or be successful. It's not an easy thing to brush off or move past (please don't advise me how I should, because I know) - seeing my wrinkles, my changing body shape - there's part of me that goes ugh, especially when I accidentally flip the camera around when I take a photo. And as we get older, we kinda get invisible - I heard some woman enjoy this invisibility (the male gaze can kinda suck) but I'm still getting used to it.
Funny, my husband still thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I wish I could see myself the way he sees me. I like this photo of us from last week. With a filter.
Anyway, I'm now feeling all uncomfortable talking about myself, but it's kinda nice revealing all - because ultimately I believe that if you can't love and accept me for how I look at what I am, well, you're probably not worth hanging out with anyway! Not that I expect HIVE crew to be like that at all - you are all so amazing and I feel so loved and accepted by you all. And right back atcha.
Oh, as part of the challenge I have to invite someone else to the LADIES OF HIVE community! I'd like to invite vegan cook extraordinaire @carolynstahl! You can join the community by clicking here and hitting subscribe!
Love both of the photos, it tells a lot and you look so happy!
Thanks so much @rem-steem!
It seems you're the same age, possibly to the day, as Faith who has a birthday on the weekend. She's not overly fussed about it although probably feels the same as you do. I wish she could see herself the way I see her but that's unlikely, just in the same way I don't see myself as she sees me. It's just a number I guess, and the way we look is simply the cover...It's what's inside, the person we are that truly matters. Some will take the time to find out and others will not - There's loss and reward depending on what others choose I guess. :)
Oh what day? I'm on Sunday! Faith is gorgeous. thanks so much for taking the time to comment on such a shit post about my insecurities!
Saturday for Faith.
Clearly I like me a good old fashioned insecurity shit post.
What's not to like? 🤣
What a lovely post! Very sincere and well written. In regards to growing older as a woman and the male gaze... It's a funny thing isn't it? My partner and I have an age gap of 9 years, her being older than I. I'm in my late 30's. But after being friends for ten years, and being together two and a half I still think she is one of the most beautiful women I have set eyes on. As a male I never feel the need to look elsewhere, and that sense has grown stronger every year that has passed since we first met. When we are out in public I occasionally get hit on by the early twenties war paint make up type, but I always defer them to her to deal with. She doesn't wear make up, and is beautiful inside and out with little to no effort. When compared to the artificial beauty others aspire to she stands out like a bright light of what I've always sensed the original template for beauty has been. In short my male gaze is firmly in one direction. Mainly because the traits that are indisputably beautiful are a sense of adventure, curiosity, a love of the natural world, and an empathetic soul that's kind. Let's face it... there is no make up, Botox, or implant that will remedy an ugly soul or effectively make that soul beautiful. Rot always shows through the high dollar Dior veneer, just like beauty shows through ones bearing, sense of awareness, and kindness. I've always felt the instagram/celebrity standard of beauty was f****ing awful anyhow. I've always recoiled at it.... it's sorta struck me as symptomatic of confusion, or an effort by those who aspire to it to fill a void with attention rather than something meaningful. None of this is me "advising" on what makes a woman beautiful btw. Just sharing a perspective. There are some who would disagree with it, but to each their own. In regards to your selfies, you both look great. Like two human beings who enjoy the natural world and each other. You also don't look your age so take the compliment. Not trying to be over flattering here, again sharing a perspective. If I thought you looked your age I'd just not mention it. lol. It's an awesome post matey, like most of your work here. Thanks for sharing it. :)
Thanks so much - it means a lot to get a male comment, and my heart is all warm and gooey THINKING of how much you love your partner, and how there are men in teh world that don't give a shit about 'instagram beauty' - that's so heartening. We are led to believe it doesn't exist! Your comment means the world to me - thankyou!
We often never see ourselves through the lens that everyone else does. We don't see the confidence, the beauty, the strength that is there. Awesome post @riverflows! Thank you for sharing yourself with us! Take care always!💜
Thanks sweetheart, your comment is appreciated. It was a bit of an awkward post! I have been practicing trying to see myself through other's eyes, and it does make a difference. Thanks so much for stopping by!
🤗💜
Any photo of me is taken by someone else as I don't have a cell phone. And I don't know how to use filters. Haven't worn makeup in decades...
And Happy Birthday on Sunday, if I miss it...
I loved both of the photos of you. :))
If I was there we could do a selfie together and I'd teach you to use filters so we both looked gorgeous and ten years younger 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks for the birthday wishes!
LOL river! I could sure stand to look 10 years younger. :))
I'm always inspired by your writing. You are one of those that can do a no make up selfie. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I keep thinking I'm still thirty and the mirror tells me otherwise haha.
Thank you for the invitation and a wonderful compliment!
Oh I know that feeling!!! Like, who.is this old person aaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh
Hello, @riverflows!
It is a privilege to know a person like you who would feel comfortable to open up and tell their story. I hope that you will find this space good for you and that you will find your home!
Good luck with the contest!
Thanks!! Exclude me from winnings please... I'm just in it for the love!
This will be the first time I've read any of your blogs, a new face to me at least 'Hang around" and learn more about you.
Thanks for sharing @riverflows and good luck!
Thanks so much! Off to learn more about you too!
Wow what an honest post! I think you're gorgeous and a rockstar for overcoming the selfie-fear. I rarely take pics of myself, and my boyfriend always complains that they need pics of me too, but I HATE it :P
I rather have surroundings or them on pic :) lol
BTW here another lady that rarely uses make up. When I was young, I had these enormous eyelashes and didn't even need mascara but I used it sometimes (only that). When I got older (yuk!) they aren't as long and full anymore so when I wear something, it's mascara and some eyeshadow, that's it .. all these foundation concealer things etc I have hated them my whole life, they are not for me :)
Anyway, nice read :)
Oh my gosh, when I dropped that question over ya'll I had no idea that I would find a gem like this ... There's so much in your post that I can relate to. Unfortunately I have been suffering from being bullied as well. And totally understand the DEEP, very DEEP wound it makes. I have also been struggling with self confidence ever since. And just like you, sometimes I'm feeling totally kick ass, and sometimes feeling that nobody will ever like me. Yes right here behind my pc, talking to you all ... it's so easy. And because of the bullying I've learned to express myself really well through words ... Well of course that's me how I really am. But you know what I mean, right?
Anyway ... thank you for this great entry in the contest. And girl, you ARE amazing! You just did it and can be proud of yourself!
Oh yes me too!!! I can express myself in words but much harder face to face, where I get a little jittery! I know you know EXACTLY how it feels from your comment. It's nice to be understood. THANKYOU 💗💗💗💗
Just got round to read this post you wrote a few days ago, so I'm guessing your birthday is around sometime nowish? Happy birthday, and was that a typo, did you mean to type 39, nearly 40?
29, nearly 30!
Thanks!!!! Its the 11th...
My Nana was 29 until she died at 80.
I love all photos and I think this is the part of the blog when I just saw AMEN
hate selfies with a passion. I have to take a few of them, use filters, get the angle right - and I generally feel like a dick doing them. Plus, I'm not young and pretty - in a few days, I turn 49, which proves what I've been saying for the last 9 years - I'm nearly 50. And as much as I practice acceptance, letting go, moving with the flow, being one with the moment, non judgement or attachment, there's that niggling part of me that struggles with getting old.
But woman amongs eachother : you look good woman 😉
It's a beautiful picture with your partner, you look happy and enjoying the moment. How nice that you have that possibility to camp and watch the sunrise, in my country we don't have that facility for very different reasons.
I like the honesty from which you express yourself, that requires a lot of courage, I am sure you have the answers and you will find the ways to work on it, in your time, your space and your rhythm.
You look very beautiful. Blessings ✨
Oh not quite the BIG 50! I'm with you on selfies - not a fan of them at all!
Love your early morning - the real you photo, even if you cheated a bit! You seem very much in your element in the back of your Land-rover with a cup of Java and bare feet!
That photo of you and Jamie is lovely!
It always amazes me when I hear you say you do not have the self confidence. I don't think people realize the power of their words (or actions or both) on others, the way it can effect them and put them in a dark place. Did you learn to fight when you were a teenager to break out of that effect of the bullying?
I'm so glad that is history and you have found so much love and support on Hive and are using your skills to bring people together in community!
Here's to many more wonderful years on Hive and all else you undertake!