Thank you for that long and thoughtful comment!
I totally get that part about death and family. It's what I most dislike, the pain that it will cause them. But that suffering is inevitable, and I hope I can live my life in a way that they, too, will see it as fulfilled, no matter when my time comes.
Nothing to add the the religion part, I agree.
About the past - I've become very thankful for those lessons. Even now, that I'm struggling a lot with the results of getting into bed with what turns out to be a very challenging and challenged person, I always remember that her poison and her constant attacks made me the man I am to a great degree, and somewhat immune to her intents to get under my skin using my daughter against me. And yet, I'm grateful for it. I choose to learn, to remember all my mistakes for that.
If you're struggling with something like that, I hope that you will find your own way of making it a part of you that doesn't cause you resistance, but supports you. It's a progress. That, too, is something that MA repeats all the time. It's more important to do small, but constant steps, instead of trying to do the big jump at once.
Edit: just saw that you left a tip for the post - thank you so much! That feels really good 😊
Everything I do these days is small steps. And one step at a time.