I'm not afraid of death either. It's coming whether I like it or not. Worrying about it doesn't change anything. Might as well focus on the living part. I think the thing that bothers me most about death is not being with my fmaily.
I was raised religious. Still have faith. But I've come to realize my values would exist with or without the church. The foundation was built there but the house stands on its own now. I try to do right because it's right. Not for a reward. Not to avoid punishment. Just because that's who I want to be when I look in the mirror.
I struggle with the looking back part though. Not at death itself but at the stupid shit I've done along the way. The mistakes. The times I wasn't the man I should have been. Working on letting that go and focusing forward instead. What did I learn. What can I do better. That's what matters now. In fact, doing a post on that now.
The fame thing is interesting. Nobody's going to remember most of us a hundred years from now. That used to bother me. Doesn't anymore. I'm not trying to be remembered by the world. Just trying to be remembered well by the people who actually knew me. That's enough.
Thank you for that long and thoughtful comment!
I totally get that part about death and family. It's what I most dislike, the pain that it will cause them. But that suffering is inevitable, and I hope I can live my life in a way that they, too, will see it as fulfilled, no matter when my time comes.
Nothing to add the the religion part, I agree.
About the past - I've become very thankful for those lessons. Even now, that I'm struggling a lot with the results of getting into bed with what turns out to be a very challenging and challenged person, I always remember that her poison and her constant attacks made me the man I am to a great degree, and somewhat immune to her intents to get under my skin using my daughter against me. And yet, I'm grateful for it. I choose to learn, to remember all my mistakes for that.
If you're struggling with something like that, I hope that you will find your own way of making it a part of you that doesn't cause you resistance, but supports you. It's a progress. That, too, is something that MA repeats all the time. It's more important to do small, but constant steps, instead of trying to do the big jump at once.
Edit: just saw that you left a tip for the post - thank you so much! That feels really good 😊
Everything I do these days is small steps. And one step at a time.