When 48 years ago I decided to share my life with my husband, without losing my life, my independence, I was not sure if it was obsession, illusory infatuation or true love.... Then how to know?
First of all, it is essential to understand that emotional bonds do not arise by mandate, but are built over time.
Moreover, in my view of things, as much as possible, before joining someone with children, try to get along, otherwise it will be hell or it will cost more work to bond with them in an inside relationship.
Why? Because love is not instantaneous or automatic.
The first thing is to accept this reality: It is normal that there are ambivalences and times of adaptation. The crucial thing is to work on building a genuine and affectionate bond, based on respect, communication and empathy.
It's not that it's forced to love your partner's children and force the relationship, no, it's not like that at all.
Once we socialize, that we give ourselves the opportunity to integrate and recognize each other, then we can go further, always starting from the fact that respect should prevail, and that it is not about assuming the role of a new dad or a new mom, it is not from there that we have to look at it.
Maybe we don't realize it, but we have already made a difference. Believing in yourself is a sign of self-love.
Finally, if we love our partner it is not obligatory that we love “his combo” and when I talk about this I mean the family and social group of each one, but it is our duty to do everything possible to achieve it.
It is essential to understand that healthy love does not ask us to annul ourselves. It does not require us to shut up, to grovel, or to endure the unbearable. Not kidding, not crazy that we are.
If loving forces us to lower ourselves, it is not love... it is a contract of inequality where one commands and the other obeys. And that, without a doubt, destroys self-esteem.
Something I always ask myself is, yes, this thing we call love gives us peace, that's fine, but if it's the opposite case, that is, it keeps us in a constant struggle to be enough.
Because real love does not require us to humiliate, on the contrary it invites us to grow. And if we don't understand it that way, maybe we're not really loving... we're just surviving. Has it happened to you?
If loving takes more from you than it gives you, maybe it's time to seek help to review that relationship, decide or not whether to stay there or definitively let go of that which is denying you happiness.
The real truth is that good loves do not imprison, they liberate. They don't chain you to a relationship of pain, rather they give you wings to be yourself.
Meanwhile, in my Venezuelan garden, when I see it blooming, despite the fact that we have almost no water because the hydrological of my country has even the shipment of water by pipes controlled and it only reaches us once a month, this situation of what is happening today in my country, nature reminds me that nothing is rigid, nor static. On the contrary, it is constantly changing, evolving with amazing flexibility, with the firm certainty that the new creation will come only through consistent day-to-day work....
It had to be said…
Janitze 🌹
Separator made with Canva by @janitzearratia
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera eighties Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited by me with Canva
Translation with |DeepL