Can pity actually be harmful?
In the context of human and social relationships, the feeling of pity or compassion is defined as sadness or despair in the face of another’s suffering or pain.
The idea we are actually conveying when we show pity toward something or someone is that we perceive the other person—or others—as lacking the ability to overcome their situation on their own, or to achieve a better outcome than what they currently perceive.
This places the person experiencing this feeling on a different level from the one who is the subject of, or the target of, that same feeling.
In fact, a vertical relationship—or one of superiority, if you will—is established in relation to the other person or people.
One views the other as a mere victim “at the mercy” of fate, or of circumstances that are more than they can handle or bear.
On the contrary, in his epistemology, the word “compassion” is defined not only as the genuine intention to help one’s neighbor, but also as providing support to alleviate their suffering, pain, or deprivation, but by establishing a relationship of equality with them, since we place ourselves on the same level and understand what they are suffering, yet without a view of victimization or inferiority.
Pity, or sympathy, is something that means little more than itself. It adds nothing to the other person.
When, in a circle of friends or acquaintances, we hear someone say or comment that they’ve had a very bad year, we often offer a few words of comfort. Words like: “Poor thing… no one deserves that,” or “I hope things get better for you soon.”
But to what extent are we actually helping or supporting the other person? To what extent are we truly helping them in practical terms?
Nietzsche says that pity is not an act that is truly very human; on the contrary, it is one of the things that can be done most silently among humans.
When we think we’re conveying empathy or sympathy for another person, we’re actually just saying we feel sorry for them. We do nothing to alleviate the pain they’re already feeling, and we’re, in a paradigmatic way, aggravating and perpetuating that pain and that behavior. He posits that pity is much worse than cruelty.
In other words, from the perspective of the person on the receiving end, we are leading the other person to feel or be labeled as a “sufferer.” As the “unlucky one,” or the “person to whom everything bad happens.” In other words, we are sending a subtle, small message that they should continue to be the poor soul. And this leads to a deep-seated perception within the other person’s own identity.
For the giver, although pity may seem like an act of generosity, as I mentioned earlier, it is merely a way for us to feel superior to something or someone. It is a very subtle way of thinking that, fortunately, we are not as fortunate as the other person, who, in a sense, occupies a much worse position than we do.
Thus, a society rooted in a culture of pity or sympathy is not a kind society.
Rather, it is a society that has been taught to make others feel diminished or small, and to feel good about it, because it is being condescending and accepting that the other person belongs in that place.
According to Nietzsche, this conditions the sufferer to remain a sufferer. It does not help them heal from these pains or hardships.
We should not be defined in this way by the less pleasant things that have happened to us. We must always move forward, and we must define ourselves, leaving the things of the past behind.
Image by Tom Christensen from Pixabay
Original text written by @xrayman in Portuguese and translated with DeepL.com (free version)
