The game that I'll be reviewing today is one that I would consider an absolute classic, perhaps one of the first games to make me feel some tingling in my taint, it's called Star Wars Republic Commando. If you've never heard of it, I wouldn't be shocked, as I think this was a bit of a sleeper considering the time it was released (2005). I personally really enjoy going back and revisiting this time period of gaming every once and awhile, more often than not I remember how much of a fucking banger these older games are. While most people were fingering their ass over Halo, I was going nuts to butts on all kinds of things with my clone trooper cock on good old Republic Commando, babyyy.
I mean, you can probably tell that my review of this game is going to be positive from that last bit, but shut the fuck up and enjoy the review anyways, man. But, back to the review. I guess I should just get all the background info out before we get into the meat and potatoes of the game. I'm sure this next part is highly god damn surprising, but Republic Commando was developed by Lucas Arts. Who would have ever thought Lucas Arts would be making a god damn star wars game? What a crazy ass weird, man. Damn. It was the last FPS game they ever made, as they found a better formula afterwards in the form of Kinect Star Wars Galactic Dance off. Which is a shame, as this game deserved much more love than it ever received, and I'll tell you why.
So, you're probably hoping you get to play as some thicc bitch tentacle alien slaying some fat ass in this game. But, just put your dick back into your crusty underwear. Because in Republic Commando you're playing the role of the masculine, high octane action packed Delta Squad. These fucking massive virgin clones are the boogiemen of the Star Wars universe, the tales of them murdering 77 men in a cantina with a hologram of Keanu Reeves are spread throughout the entire galaxy. Though you'll be playing one specific member known as RC-1138, also known as Boss while commanding your brothers Sev, Scorch and Fixer. Instead of some ridiculous name like every other character in Star Wars has. This game takes place in between the events of Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith, with an intro that does a pretty damn good job at setting the tone and atmosphere of the game.
The tone and atmosphere being quite gritty and on the darker side of things. The game focuses pretty much entirely on the militaristic side of the Star Wars universe, with it being mostly devoid from any influence from the force/jedi/sith. Something which I enjoyed and thought was a fresh idea at the time. So, instead of doing any space warlock shit, we just get good old A-team style missions. You know, like how the A-team would assassinate enemy leaders and carry out strike plans wiping out whole platoons of men into ash and blood. God, I miss that show. Regardless, I enjoyed the missions being of the tactical kind involving guerrilla warfare. Especially because the characters are humanized quite well so you actually can connect a bit with your team and care about the story and their fates as you play. You know, instead of just playing some greasy, weirdo from Alabama in the trenches who looks at a pin up picture of his sister or something.
The pacing of each level/mission in the game varies quite a bit, so there's some variety as you play along instead of just rushing simulator 5000. One minute you'll be going nuts to butts in a large scale battle where everything is chaotic as fuck, and the next minute the pace has screeched to a halt and now you're starting to get some wet spots in your shorts because there's some survival/horror vibes going on with the tone and environment you're in. The music of the game aids a lot in giving the game its darker tone. Instead of using the same 3 whimsical music pieces from John Williams like every other Star Wars piece of media, we get a much more gloomy soundtrack to the game, which really adds to the uneasiness and weariness of war and battle.
One thing which I did think this game did well was not trying to just follow the exact same path that the movies and other things have already went over. Everything in this universe is familiar, yes. But, we get a totally different perspective on things. For example, the battle droids that the jedi tore apart with ease are the main type of enemy you fight in this game. However, instead of sliding your finger up their asshole and dominating them, they actually put a fight and require time and effort to get through. That's right, baby. The virgin battle droids are now the alpha chads for a moment in the star wars universe. Even more so for their upgrades counterparts, who can fuck your shit up if you don't take them down quickly. This game definitely did a good job with making previously introduced limp dicked enemies into actual formidable monsters/enemies.
We also got a bit of a re-boot for your allies in this game in addition to the enemies. At one point you team up with some Wookies for a battle, and instead of a giant walking furry suit you get some Wookies more akin to Wolverine if he was a tall meth head who butt chugged steroids and glued extra hair onto his body. They tower over your characters are are more animalistic and brutal than any other depiction shown. If they had been an enemy force in the game (Which apparently they would have been in the sequel that never ended up happening), I imagine it would have been a huge pain in the ballsack to fight them off. But, I guess we'll never know. Ripperoni pepperoni.
The voice acting and dialogue in the game is done pretty well. This is especially so for the main character that you play, as they got the guy who played Jango Fett to come and do the voice acting for him. I can't think of anything that felt super sloppy for the time, and would say it's pretty solid overall. Something else I should probably mention before I forget is that the AI for this game is actually decent, which kinda surprised me when I first played. I fully expected at least a bit of wonky shit to happen, but the AI never behaves in a brain dead way really. The tracking mechanic works well, and your squad AI never fucks things up for you really beyond maybe trying to give you an over the armor handjob.
Considering how old this game is, it has a very well done squad system put into it. I genuinely still enjoy it even in 2020 and think it aged pretty well. While being simple, there's a lot of commands you get use to get in whatever position you want. You can command each trooper in your squad to handle specific singular tasks, such as hacking into terminals, setting up sniper posts, breaching locked doors, tossing grenades and even sniffing out the enemies micro dick for annihilation. There's also formation commands, one of which allows you to pick the exact spots you want your squad to set up at and defend from. Again, nothing mind blowing but for the time, I think this was pretty fucking well done and held up well even 15 years later.
I would say using these squad commands is where most of the tactical style of the game comes from. You'll have to decide bases upon your environment and what the enemy numbers are like on what squad formation you want to use, and if you half ass it you'll probably get molested to death by aliens. You know, a real intellectuals dream. If you end up going down, you'll also have to decide if you want to have your squad zerg rush over to you to try and revive you, or if you want them to thin out the herd a bit before dragging your lifeless corpse to the nearest dumpster to have sex with. A real dilemma.
The only thing that I can really say I didn't like about the squad mechanics is that they're available to you straight off the bat when you start. I think having a progression system where you have to unlock them would have been a bit more rewarding, rather than just having them all dumped all over your nipples like booze with a drunk girl at mardi gras. Even if they weren't unlocked as you played it would have been nice if there was a level system with the hacking/sniping type mechanics where you could level them up as you go along. I would say for the most part though I was happy with this section of the game, and would say it gave me a half chubbed up erection.
Aight. Lets talk about the negative parts of the game that I think could have been better. An issue that's on the smaller side is that I wish the missions either had a bit more longevity, or at least a larger amount for you to play through. There's only 3 to get through, and while they're lengthy it does feel a bit weird that there's only 3 missions to do through the entirety of the game. Because there's no break up either through out them, things can sometimes feel a bit repetitive. It definitely just feels like things should have been more split up and it would have just been nice to have a bit more content to play through.
One of my main gripes with the game for people who would be new to playing it is honestly the ending. The ending is so abrupt and leaves things on a cliffhanger, which really fucking sucks since obviously we're never going to get a sequel to finish off the story. Mainly because most of the team who worked on this game bailed when Lucas Arts was trying to re-invent itself. Which obviously went quite well, as they've released mostly garbage in the last 15 years with a good game here and there. While I do think it's a bit of a bummer having such a quick ending on a grim note with a lot left open to pick up on, it's still worth the time to check out the game and give it a play-through.
I'll be open and say that this was one of my favorite FPS games made in the 00's, and to this day it's still one of my favorites. Though, nostalgia could have a bit to do with that, honestly. I genuinely enjoyed the story and characters, thought it had really fun shooting mechanics and liked the dark sci-fi atmosphere to it. I wish more Star Wars stuff would experiment like this game did with doing something different. The Mandalorian did that exact thing, and it was quite well done and beloved for the most part. I can only pray they'll keep up with that idea with future games and other pieces of media. Overall, I'd definitely recommend this game if you've never played it. I'll continue to hold out a vague hope that maybe we'll at least get a remake of it with updated graphics and mechanics, as I could probably at least be happy and live with that.
But, yeah. Thanks for checking out the review. Until next time, you dilapidated fucking sluts.
Later!
Now i am all of a sudden not feeling like the intense SW nerd that I normally claim to be. I have never even heard about this game at all until now
Don't feel too weird about it. This game is a fucking sleeper for a lot of people, I really don't know why it went so under the radar when it released. I think I stumbled onto it at a video rental store when I was around 14 and was glued to this shit for a whole weekend. I specifically remember being a brain dead chud on the phone with 3 people for hours while playing this because I just couldn't let go of my erect cock from it.
I had this game on PC but I wanted to use an Xbox 360 controller for it. I had to search the web on how. Took me half an hour to configure, buddy.
I mean, I used an Xbox One controller and it only took me a few minutes to configure the buttons. Were you trying to go for the world record for button mapping using only a fleshlight? Might have to boost your time up if you don't want Billy Mitchell to fake his time and catch up to your record.
Forgive me, but I am a PWD afflicted with cerebral palsy. So I am not very quick with my fingers. I also got difficulty in adjusting the sensitivity and latency of the analog movement and targeting sticks. Guess I just wanted my clone commando to move like in Halo. 🙂
Nah, it's all good, dood. I was just making a silly joke because I don't know shit about why computers make things difficult half the time they do. Could also just be that you're using an xbox 360 controller, I had problems with mine even properly connecting with my laptop back in, like, 2012/2013? I'm surprised you even have one that works anymore. Pretty sure most peoples would be crusty and probably shattered into pieces after getting their colon chewed on by someone camping in COD by now.
My xbox 360 controller was a cheap, Chinese-made counterfeit copy bought online. It was alright if not used/abused for fighting games which required the genuine gamepads for durability and reliability.