I was thinking about life after 30. Im not sure why but every woman is panicking before stepping on this path, but for me? I really don't know if it's necessary to cry on your 30 birthday 🤣 I was always happy for being one year older, so in 5 days I'm going to be 30 ;) actually this is something for me to be push, to set goals that I want to reach.
A lot of things happened in those 30 years. O wow, this sentence made me feel so old. 😂 30 years, excaly that sounds a lot. 😂 When I'm thinking back, my life was really, how to put it... maybe intresting, or crazy, or wonderful, but best way to say, it was time to remember. I can't believe how many things happened in all this year's. I've never imagined my life like that. Excaly, I never planed my life, I was going with the flow. Yes, this is a perfect sentence.
I was born in July 1991. 4 days after the war.
The Slovene War of Independence, also known as the Ten Day War, was a war by which the Republic of Slovenia repulsed the attack of Yugoslavia between 27 June and 6 July 1991, thus achieving its independence from the Yugoslavia. It was the first war in Europe after World War II.It claimed a total of 76 casualties.
We were free.
This was time for Slovenia to rise. Time to be new Switzerland. Or so we thought.
At first, it looked like we were really going to be a successful country. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that lately, and because of that, more and more young people are moving to other countries, which is very sad. So beautiful, so small, friendly people, great food, but the economy is failing. I know that we are not the only country with such problems, but I always hope that the country will finally correct its mistakes, and that one day I will be able to move back, and enjoy this beautiful nature, with pay that everyone deserve.
My first years of life are just glimpses that I remember. When I look at children's pictures, certain memories come back to me and I have to say that these are very beautiful memories, even if only fragments.
My mother always tells me that I was a very active child, always full of energy and new ideas. I spent a huge amount of time with my neighbor who is exactly the same age as me. Throughout childhood, we were inseparable.
These were the times when my parents were just starting a family. All of this was new to them as well and they really dedicated a huge amount of time to me.
They did a great job, although with all the problems they had, they still protected me from them and offered me a wonderful childhood.
Then my brother was born, and unfortunately my mother was not ready for what followed. My brother had a lot of allergies, so she really had to watch what she fed him and I know it was very hard for her. My dad was at the other end of the country because there earned at least a little more money but that meant he would almost never be home, so she was alone with two children and her mother who was an aggressive alcoholic. Although she tried to protect us from all this, I was already in those years when I was aware of what was going on around me.
Thus began my rebellious years. I spent most of my time with my friends or locked in a room where I read books. Because of this, my imagination also became more lush. Sometimes I lay down on the bed and let my imagination run wild, I started writing stories or maybe it was more like a diary. I mixed my real life with the world I made up. That was kind of a consolation to me.
The family knew I really wanted a radio to listen to music while I was reading books, but unfortunately we didn’t have to afford it, so one day my grandmother took me to the store and bought it for me. What a joy. I locked myself in a room and listened to music and read books all day. Unfortunately, my grandmother was very drunk the next day and took my radio and threw it up the stairs and told me I didn’t deserve it.
I was crying for two days, so my mom asked my uncle if it was possible to fix it. And he did it. When I got it back I locked it in the closet and only took it out when I was in the room.I still have this scene in my head.
After this act, I withdrew even more from my family and did not pay attention to what my mother was experiencing. I’m sorry I was causing her problems when I ran away from home and hid in my neighbour's house. She knew, but it was very difficult for her because I preferred to spend my free time elsewhere than at home. But she knew why, so she wasn’t mad at me. But it was different when my father was home. He somehow didn’t understand why I spend most of my time with my friends other than being at home, so he never let me out. I understand him now. He was afraid that something would happen to me when I was outside. But he now understands that this period was very difficult for me. Although we didn’t understand each other back then, we are really close now, and I can say that I am very happy that we connected.
When Grandma finally stopped drinking, somehow everything became more peaceful. But I started drinking and smoking and going to parties. In this way, I tried to forget all the black moments in my life. Although I didn’t know it then, I know now that was the reason. Since my mom was in the hospital most of the time with my brother and my dad at work, I was free, and able to do whatever I wanted. When my father was home it was a different story. I had to be diligent all the time, which wasn’t easy for me, because I wanted to go out and hang out with my friends. As a result, quarrels often occurred. School was somehow not important to me, it was just a place for me where I was surrounded by friends. At 17, I got a job at a bar, where I could work on the weekends to earn some money. Then came my first love, which unfortunately ended unhappily. He fell in love with my best friend. When our relationship ended, they started with a relationship. That really disappointed me.
Then I moved to Ljubljana to study. Again, I somehow moved away from the old life and tried to start anew. Here I met a friend who, through our conversations, managed to get me to face all the negative feelings. It was also the time when my future husband came into my life.
After a while, I got sick. The disease started to show at the age of 18, but at that time I was not paying attention because it was not so severe. But then it became unbearable and I had to go through all sorts of investigations. Diagnosis - Crohn's disease. When I told my mom that, she started crying. She couldn’t believe that both of her children got the same disease. I moved home again because I failed to finish my studies and because I was unable to earn extra money due to an active illness. But now it was different at home. I became close with my brother and my father. When my illness finally subsided, my boyfriend and I moved to Austria, where we started living together. I was so excited. Even though we only ate rice and pasta for half a year that we had for rent it was a very nice period. But after a while, the black period came for me again. The side effects of the drugs became unbearable. I got psoriasis all over my body and my hair fell out. Although I seemed to tolerate all of this well, rage was building up in my subconscious, which I wasn't aware of at the time. Half a year later, when my husband asked me for a hand on New Year’s Eve, I had my first epileptic seizure. When I woke up in the hospital 2 days later there was a letter from my husband next to me. He described what happened and that I should not forget that we were engaged. When he came for me I could only cry. I didn’t remember my own engagement. I also didn’t realize what had happened to me.
The attacks were becoming more frequent and again I had to learn to live anew and get to know this disease. I had control over my intestinal disease, but I couldn't do anything about epilepsy. I couldn't control my seizures, which made me anxious, and I fell into depression, which I cleverly hid from everyone. The pills I was given did not stop the seizures, but I became more aggressive and emotionally overwhelmed. But I thought I was hiding that pretty well, too. I didn't. I locked people from my life that I thought didn’t stand by my side. Which wouldn't be necessary, but it was just my way that I didn’t have to face my own emotions.
Our wedding was very beautiful and our honeymoon as well. After arriving home, the attacks began again, but this time even more severe. I fell on my head several times, broke my teeth and so on. I lived in fear, which again, I hid from everyone.
Again, I tried to meditate and disconnect from the world but unsuccessfully during this period. My thoughts were overwhelmed. Natural medicine did not help me this time, because I didn't pay enough attention to this method of treatment. There was too much of everything in my head and I couldn't relax. However, since I had devoted a lot of time to this before, I knew that I could manage to stop the attacks at least a little.
However, because I had a lot of stress at work, my second illness became active. I landed in the hospital again and got the pills again. This means that I started to be afraid of what side effects will come now.
But I finally found a profession that is perfect for me. Working with elderly and sick people and people with special needs. After finishing school, I was really proud of myself after a long time. When I started the service I was really happy. When you see this gratitude in the eyes of people who are chained to the bed and you brighten their day with conversations and engage with them and try to make the last moments of their lives easier for them. Although I was fired after 1 year due to my illness, I did not give up and found a new job. Unfortunately, I was here only two moths, but in the middle of July I'm going to work in the same house as my husband. I'm so excited. All my ex co-workers are there, and I feel safe with them.
This is a brief summary of my life. A lot of things have happened throughout my life, but if I write all this, a book will emerge from it.
Although I am surrounded by emotions and feelings which I don't understand, and are the side effects of epilepsy, but now somehow I already know how to deal with it, and I know that I will overcome it, and my life will become simpler. But I can say that my life isn't boring. I am surrounded by people who love and support me and I have the best husband on the world. We are always creating something, working on different projects, and working to make our future at least a bit what we imagine it to be. I'm so grateful to have a dog like Baou, she is my rock and my baby.
There are still a lot of things waiting for me, a lot of fights and anxieties, but I know that I can do it, and I will not give up!
We'll see what happens in the next 30 years. I always hope for the best. 💪💪
Thank you for supporting me by reading my articles, it means a lot to me. I am always looking for new paths and this site has given me the opportunity to express my emotions and my personality. I'm really happy to be part of this great community. 🤗
“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti
Guys, thanks for reading.
Till next time.
With love, @tinabrezpike 💜
Don't worry for the next 30 years! Live and enjoy now. 💪 😎
Thanks ;)) yes yes, living and enjoying, I'm working on this for about 30 years now 😂
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