Ruuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn. They said it was just vanity. They said there was no cure. They told her not to go outside in the sun. There was no one like her. She was me. I was her. I am her. This isn't a metaphor. This was my real life. Pages of pages of people like me who had been employed in freak shows years ago. But... I'm not allowed to feel. I wasn't allowed to be disabled, because apparently I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to feel. I was FORCED to love what I hated. because you all made sure of that. You all made sure that I wasn't like you. I wasn't black or white or asian. I was a fucking alien. an animal. But, they didn't think I heard them. I pretended I didn't because it only made things worse if I showed weakness. and .... now .... I don't even know what I feel anymore. I used to think I thought I was pretty. I used to think that I had skin like a cat; I was real life cat-woman, or a leopard. My roommate once said, "look 'Nanner-Bear, the treasure is buried right there!" as he pointed to a white spot on my foot. Maybe I was a map. Maybe in pirate times I would have been kidnapped to find the secret treasure. I forgot Until last week when the sun got more angry with me than it has ever been. See, the doctors told me that I cannot be in the sun long. I was 7 years old and it was 1987- try telling that to a seven year old. Nintendo wasn't even founded until 1989, I only had a few old Beach Boys records of my Mother's, and we were too poor to have many books other than the few that I found in the garbage on the side of the road. I had swings, a spoon to dig to China, skipping rope, and the marbles that I won from competitions. I was a vampire most of my twenties. I partied all night, slept all day during the high sun, worked from 3pm - 7pm, then went shopping around 8pm for more clothes to go clubbing ... again. In fact, I was a day sleeper since birth (sorry Parents). I guess something inside of me knew that I was a real life vampire cat woman. I can relate to how superheroes were created.... I get it. I am Dr. Glass, Overseer, and the Horde all in one. I relate to that movie in ways that I cannot describe. The Bubble Boy (remember Bubble Boy?) frightened me because I saw myself. I stopped wearing jeans in August, I bought skirts and sandals, went to beaches, sun bathed, hosted bbq's in my yards, bought a pool, and said . Everything was fine, until last week. I hope it was just the excessive solar flares that caused my skin flare up. They always said it would happen, but it never did. Maybe something is changing inside of me as the patches were once healing and then this past year they began to increase. Last week, I couldn't even be in the sun for 5 minutes, it would burn. My skin was hot for 3 days and nights. Not warm, burning hot. I could have warmed up cold winter hands hovered an inch near my skin. I was cooking.... for three days. I don't think anyone will understand the psychological effect that self roasting for three days and nights can have on a person. Or, what it's like to not be able to go outside when all you want to do in the summer time is go outside (especially when you suffer from severe winter depression). I took my dog outside to pee and my knees blistered. But that's okay, I'm just like everyone else. For the record, being a vampire isn't as cool as it looks on tv. Maybe if I just drink some blood? (gag) Writing and "Fuck You Sun" art design Copyright 2021 Ana Clark Photo Credits: Photo of hand (used in "Fuck You Sun" by Ana Clark) by Karolina Grabowska https://www.pexels.com/photo/fashion-people-woman-girl-4379966/
She wasn't a little girl. A freak. Not from your world.
She didn't belong, to no one, no where.
They said it was rare.
She pretended not to see them stare.
run.
This isn't a poem, this isn't a short story, this is real life.
Do you know what it's like growing up and not belonging anywhere? No, not like your half and half blood line- not like that, never like that, nothing like that... you should feel so lucky.
Do you know what it's like to relate to the superhero's? the Boy in the Bubble? Aliens?
No... you don't. Don't think that you do. You don't and you never will. No one does.
.... because I'm a freak.
This isn't a poem.
When I was a child I would see things about "freak shows" and something hit me deep inside. I knew that I was like them. With the onset of the internet, I one day searched "vitiligo in freak shows" and it was no shock to me what I found. so, I don't.
I wasn't allowed to feel racially hurt because it wasn't racism.
I wasn't allowed to feel pain, because it wasn't painful (they said).
I was FORCED to accept what I wanted to tear off of my bones.
I was FORCED to pretend that I didn't see the glares all my life, hear the whispers, and
act like I was j u s t l i k e e v e r y o n e e l s e.But I wasn't.... was I?
I wasn't injured or disabled.
Maybe,
"maybe, I am an alien"
I thought.or
"maybe I'm animal like the cow they call me"
maybe they are right.
I thought.
.... that they called me a cow
I forgot that I cannot be hired for a huge number of jobs, I forgot that dating was scary and sex was an emotional mess, I forgot that I grew up believing that I was too ugly to be a model or movie star and never dared to dream such dreams that only normal people were afforded to dream.And, I forgot that the sun hates me.
Outside...
Nope, not staying inside.
I saw a truth that I feared and successfully denied throughout my entire life.I don't remember when, but one day...
"fuck you Sun!"
A few hours in the sun roasted my white patches.
Photo by cottonbro
https://www.pexels.com/photo/topless-woman-sitting-on-brown-blanket-3778714/
Art Inside and an emotional freewrite purge from a real life Vampire Cat Woman
#freewrite #alienarthive #mentalhealthawareness #onchainart #theinkwell #neoxian #poetry #proofofbrain
My body is changing too. My allergies are very mild after almost 15 years of headaches and for the first time ever - I've been feeling tick bites! Weird.
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Tick bites? Like actually bug ticks?
I accidentally upvoted my comment. Embarrassing 😳
Yes, the little bloodsucker flat tiny brown pieces of moo.
One of my family members has a similar condition(?), she is very sensitive to the sun. I'm pretty sure it only developed later on in life, maybe slowly got worse. I feel bad now though, I've been working on my tan for the past 2 weeks, lol.
Enjoyable post, I like the text formatting and the flow.
Don’t feel bad. You should enjoy the things you are able to enjoy.
I admit great envy for those who can tan nicely and look good, but one person’s set backs shouldn’t cause others guilt that they don’t experience the issues of others. In fact, I believe you should appreciate your tan all the more in knowing that it could have been different for you.
Besides, where one person has something, another doesn’t. Meaning, I’m sure there’s something in your cousin’s life that they enjoy and you would like to.
Enjoy what you have to enjoy. The world is full of enough darkness that you deserve your happy moments.
Watching over one's body and how it react and changes when it comes to growth is very important