”The pursuit of happiness.”
On the surface it seems like a really important part of the human experience. In fact, here in the United States, it's so important that it was written into the Declaration of Independence!
But do we REALLY Want to be Happy?
I've written casually about happiness in the past, and usually bump up against the uncertain reality that happiness tends to be a very fleeting experience and definitely not something you can ”have and hold” on a permanent basis.
What mostly got me to thinking about this topic again was one of the occasional discussions I have with some of my Danish relatives. Denmark, as you might know, is regularly ranked towards the top of any lists that are published of ”the happiest people on the planet.”
What's interesting is that when I do speak to my Danish relatives we fairly broadly agree that these surveys are pretty close to bullshit.
To be more specific, the Danes are not ”happy,” they have a high degree of ”life satisfaction and contentment.”
As a Danish national — as well as as a citizen of the human race — I'm sometimes not even sure what ”happy” means. I feel ”happy” when I have a really good dinner. I feel ”happy” when my cat curls up in my lap and goes to sleep while I'm reading a book. I even feel ”happy” when I write a blog post that I feel really good about and it actually gets engagement and earns decent rewards.
These are all fleeting sensations. Certainly, they feel nice but they are not something I would expect to be present in my life all the time.
Life Satisfaction and Contentment
Anyway, one of the thoughts that occurred to me not so long ago is that when we strive to be ”happy” we might actually be distracting ourselves with the relevant activities that are getting in the way of our finding that long term ”life satisfaction and contentment.”
One of the interesting things to think about is the fact that life satisfaction and contentment is sort of an aggregate of experiences. When I sit on the back porch with Mrs. Denmarkguy and we are having our coffees as we watch the sunset and one of us remarks ”we have a really blessed life!” that determination is typically made based on a retrospective of many many things we have done in and which now surround us. This, in turn, is really quite different from moments of ”happiness” which we inevitably are experiencing ”while” they are happening, in real time.
The way we can sometimes get in our own way revolves around the fact that many of us are familiar with these ”moments” that make us happy. However, stringing together a bunch of ”happy moments” in no way is a guarantee that we end up with that elusive life satisfaction.
In fact, what may well happen is that we live our lives in pursuit of superficial pleasures that offered that quick injection of happiness, but after a quick ”buzz” we feel no better about our overall lives than we did before... in some ways, not dissimilar to the pattern seen with addictions.
Lately — perhaps because I'm getting older — I have been thinking quite a bit about the whole idea of ”life satisfaction and contentment.” One of the slightly surprising and revealing insights has been that as I tried to put a definition on it, I noticed how much of the overall feeling resulted from a body of experience that actually included many quite negative events. Think about it: we often get a lot of satisfaction from ”overcoming” hard times or difficulties.
So ”the pursuit of happiness” may not actually be the best strategy we can employ.
And so, to loop back to the title of this post, maybe we don't really want to be happy. And maybe our modern society's focus on happiness is really more of a hindrance than a help.
Thought Exercise...
I conducted a very simple mind exercise with myself.
I considered the fact that being self-employed and working with my home businesses offer me a high level of personal satisfaction ”at the end of the day,” but when it's all broken into micro segments there are plenty of moments that I loathe while I'm doing them and wish I were doing something else:
I have to do quarterly taxes, I have to do bookkeeping, I have to deal with after sales-service emails. Yech! These are all part and parcel of what I do; I have even had a few people from time to time remark that they are surprised that I like what I'm doing so much considering I often complain about it. And it's true, much of the time I am definitely not ”happy” doing what I'm doing.
But on the whole, I have a good life... and that holds much more meaning and value than mere happiness!
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about YOU? Do you pursue "happiness?" Have you ever, or is it not important to you? What about general "life contentment?" Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20210525 22:13 PDT
0266/1509
I tend to believe that we actually get what we pursue. This is based somewhat on Jesus' words in Matthew 6:2-4:
Those who give charitably hoping to be noticed get rewarded just the way they intended (but in so doing, they forfeit the greater, eternal reward).
The problem is that, as you pointed out, Happiness is fleeting. So, when we pursue happiness, we achieve just that -- a fleeting moment of euphoria -- but we miss the deeper sense of life satisfaction and contentment.
As a Canadian guy, I have to agree with your general view of happiness... it's this elusive and ambiguous thing that can usually only achieved when you stop thinking about it altogether. I think the foundational idea of happiness is changing before our very eyes as well, as we slip further into ignorance and give away just a few more of our freedoms. The threshold will get lower and lower.
I appreciate your perspective... and you write well. Cheers! :)
I think '...and the pursuit of happiness' is a great (profound) statement.
It has nothing to do with achieving it, as such , but the benefits of 'a whole positive life' - from seeing it in those terms , is immeasurable.
Wise words @denmarkguy. I think in these same lines. I pursue the living hell out of happiness because it is sweet, however fleeting. I try to achieve things/goal to make me feel happy, I get intoxicated on alcohol and the good stuff (responsibly though) to make me feel happy and of course I have good sex to make me feel happy but I know better than to depend on only fleeting experiences like these ones.
I'm actually of the opinion just like you that a happy life is more about a collection of past events and general position in life. I don't even have to be doing too great, all I have to do is to be doing the best I can in the situation. Once I'm doing this all that's left is to not worry much about things I can't control.
But I'd like to tell you that sometimes the reason why we can look back and be happy even about some messed up experiences is because our memory fail us, we've forgotten the pain so quickly and because we're in a better place we can look back and take it for granted.
To me, being content is happiness.
While being contently happy though, there are times when something extra delightful happens and in those times, you learn to live IN it while it lasts. You roll around in it and soak it all up before it is gone, as those extra happy spikes are the part that don't usually last.
I believe there is nearly no job or living that does not have a few parts we don't love, but are small parts necessary to achieve our being able to live in a style of our choosing. When we are content with the "overall" situation .....we get through those small chore-type parts of them and accept them as a necessary price for the bigger picture..
Or that is somewhat of my theory.
"Fleeting Sensations of Life Satisfaction and Contentment"
...the ”happiness” which we experience only ”while” they happen, in real time. :)
You are maybe right, the more we try to pursue it the more we miss out. Also many have a mixed-up understanding of what happiness really entails, many thinking it is the pleasure we get from consumerism and materialistic attitudes towards life.
A friend of mine and I were recently trying to decipher what it really meant to be happy, and we are yet to finish on that conversation. It all feels like the brain is trying to trick us to think we understand it but we actually don't. Many choose to go with the thinking that they know but a few of us are left behind musing about it, maybe one day it will all make sense.
It is great reading your arguments.
Cheers.