People have always described me as a considerate person, but it's just the way I'm wired. Example: I'm the type of guy that'll walk into a room, and after awhile, notice that one person in the far corner that nobody is talking too. The task then is to find a seamless way of bringing them into the conversation, being mindful of course, if that's something that they really want.
The trick is to do it without appearing to do it. You want to fold them in smoothly so that no one is aware of what you're doing, and no shame is brought upon them. Making people feel included is a good thing. Once, me and my family were chatting at the dinner table. My siblings had been going on for some time about instances they shared among themselves, when I saw that my mother had fallen silent. The reason was that she had no hook in that conversation, thus couldn't add anything. When she was distracted for a moment, I handed my sister a note asking her to talk about subjects that mom could join in on, and that's what she did. Seeing mother smile once again, made everyone happy.
The reason I bring things like that up, is that more times than I care to admit, I'm usually the only one that sees these things. As a child, I thought everyone had that awareness, but over time, realized people like that are like salt on a steak. There's not many of them, but the spice they bring, makes life much more flavorful.
My deal is that unless you believe in The Rapture, we're all going to die one day, and what have you left behind? I like to jokingly ask myself that if I got run over by a cement mixer, have I made a difference in the lives of others that I can be proud of? Being able to answer that in the affirmative, is a great way of knowing that you're "paying the rent" for taking up space on this big, beautiful, world.
Life: Part II
Not that death is the end of it all, far from it. After years of reading accounts from doctors and nurses in hospitals, I believe our existence continues after we die. Too many people all over the world, have described similar events that have happened to them during what is called a near-death experience. Medical professionals have described patients flatlining, then coming back and relating conversations they witnessed in other parts of the hospital that they could not have possibly known about.
I have an aunt and an uncle that are nurses who shared the same type of accounts with me, while witnessing the "final" moments of people in their care. Many won't believe these things, and that's OK. Even Jesus said that if a person came back from the dead, we would no believe. I recall reading about the final words of comedian Sam Kinison, where he was overheard agreeing with someone that bystanders couldn't see right before he passed. Or the last words of Apple CEO Steve Jobs, where he saw something wonderful, as he looked behind and above his adoring family, before he breathed his last.
It's never made any sense tome that you live and you die and that's it. Years ago, I read a book called Life After Life, which explored these very issues. There were account after account of people going through exactly what my relatives had told me. Everything began to come together. I believe in a higher power, I believe in an afterlife. Otherwise, it's all just a waste. All the learning, knowledge and experiences we've gained is all for naught if we just blink out like a light bulb. My logical mind tells me that after we're done here: THERE'S MORE.
Learn to quit while you're ahead
In junior high school I joined the wrestling team. Somehow, with almost no equipment and no one to tutor me, I made it to the finals. I faced a kid who was obviously stronger and more experienced than me. Best two out of three won the trophy. Everybody was there, and when the grappling began, I knew I was in trouble, this guy was strong as an ox, and easily countered my best moves. He won the first one, and while never giving up, it was obvious my work was cut out for me.
Next thing you know, he started making "mistakes" in the second match. For a moment our eyes met and I knew what he was doing. He was letting me win one because it would be good for the crowd, and as he later said, he knew my family was there, and didn't want to totally humiliate me. He picked up the third and earned a well-deserved trophy.
After the event we talked, and he explained that someone had once badly beaten him on the mat in front of his own family when he was first starting out. He never forgot that feeling, and didn't want the same for me. I thanked him profusely for not embarrassing me in front of my family. I'll never forget that decent young man and the lesson he taught me that day. It's something that I try to carry on in my life as well.
Another thing I believe, is that you have to know when enough is enough. Once you've defeated an enemy, allow him a dignified way to exit the scene. I've run into too many people who, once they've gotten their revenge, have to keep on turning the screw. They can't let it go. I'm like: "you won! Why are you still rubbing his nose in it?" Too often we fail to remember the lessons of history, such as when Germany was humiliated after WWI with the Treaty of Versailles, resulting in the rise of Adolf Hitler, decades later. Remember when Saddam Hussein was captured, then the U.S. military photographed him in his underwear, and those photos appeared on front pages all over the world? Then the Shiites hung him while he was in the middle of praying, all the while gleefully filming it on their cellphones to be uploaded to social media.
This unwise degradation of a man would come back to haunt them in the uprising of the Sunnis of Iraq. How many thousands of people died in the fallout of those acts? Other pictures of American troops humiliating naked Iraqi prisoners at the notorious Abu Ghraib prison, also helped fuel the insurgency. At war collages here in the United States, they teach these lessons of history, and the importance of not humiliating your opponent.
It's one of the reasons why during the first gulf war, the President refused to march on Baghdad. Having experienced war, he knew what the outcome would be, and that by degrading and removing someone bad, it would only make way for something far worse, which is what eventually happened. When you defeat your opponent, take the win while allowing them to walk away with some shred of dignity. You'll be glad you did.
All of this makes it even more important to make a positive mark while we're here. Being self-centered is a very lonely place to be. Lighten loads wherever you can. All of that comes back to you in ways you can only imagine.
Wow... this post effected me in a multitude of ways and made me really think about my circumstances...
The story you gave when you were in wrestling and faced that amazing gentleman really was quote inspirational... I think sometimes I let my ego get the best of me... Without having read this post I may have taken things sooo much further. I can't believe I am even wasting my time to try to effect market conditions especially to such miniscule amounts on tribaldex over the abuse I encountered.
This post taught me I need to make the most of my time. Thank you I needed to hear that story... And even the end of your story. My irl I've been wronged countless of times and often questioned will I become a monster at the end of the day. I'm really trying to challenge myself to be a better person and constantly evolve, but I will never choose to just forget and forgive. Some individuals I will end up hurting through relentless kindness, but many will be punished by me as well.
I know that may sound dark, but I don't perceive myself to be a dark person at all. I'm just someone who is relentless to my beliefs and will fight for the things I perceive to be right and stand for. Inspiration has been nearly impossible as most of my energy comes from a need to get even or to prove myself.
I think stumbling across this post has put me a step closer to finding out more about myself and asking more deep rooted questions though so for that I am eternally grateful. Led me to find this quote to better express myself
I just hope I can figure out the right way to the right degree in my future...
!PIZZA
Apple CEO Steve Jobs once said
Over time, it's allowed me to develop an inner calm whenever something starts going wrong. At times, whenever I get really angry and am about to say something unkind, I just take a deep breath and put a timer on it. The next day, I wake up so happy that I didn't jump the gun, and do that thing that would have ended badly for me. It happened most recently last week when I was winding up and about to let loose, but then recalled how often that inner calm has worked so well for me. The next day I was like: "thank God I didn't say that," and things turned out much better as a result.
As for the wrestler, I'm forever grateful he didn't crush me, but gave me that space to have some dignity knowing my family was watching. That guy had arms like concrete, and could have wiped the floor with me, instead he did me a favor that I'll never forget. He did not have to do that for me, but the fact that he did, made that lesson stay with me. Since then, I've honored him by continuing to pay it forward, and it really feels good. :)
Yeah that is steve job's stanford address, it is crazy you mentioned it as I've probably watched that video literally 100's of times. Between that and Gary Vee's speeches it really saved my life and allowed me to keep fighting again.
try watching that and have this playing on in the background its crazy how some of the parts in the speech overlap to music, wish i could find the original music I used to use but this one seems to fit just as well (make sure it is in a softer tone for the music and it almost compounds the effects of the speech)
That is just the thing though... so many of the bad things that happened in my life prevented me from many outcomes and scenerios that I was right in... today i'd be at 7-8 figures and god only knows how much things could have really compounded so forgiving and letting go isn't about if I can or will just in what I do in response. But I don't have to become a monster to achieve those things. To some I maybe one, but I hope for the wisdom and strength to do it in a poetically justified way.
I try to live to my true self whatever and however that may look like. Because in the end of the day we regret far more the what ifs and what could have been vs the things we did that didn't work out. Yeah my inner calm is what I have been trying to work on, but I don't regret the things I've done lately not one bit. I try not to live a life of many regrets now moving forward.
The hard part comes in picking and directing that path... But you see what that wrestler showed was true strength. Strength should not be abusive and to swing around on people of "weaker nature" so when I completely neutralize the individual I'll actually build him back up a little just to show that I am bigger, but at times certain people have to have a taste of their own medicine to realize that their actions were wrong to begin with. The best way to stand up to a bully is to not allow him to bully you.
The world needs many people like the wrestler you just mentioned, but unfortunately in a society that empowers and reinforces trolling and group thinking individuality may at times be lost to this. I think you writing about this story is a great help to people at least it was to me. You will begin to see my personal irl story unfold in time, but yeah I do believe that everything can be channeled in a lot different ways than what people are used to.
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