“I’m so, so, sorry”, She said, looking over at me sadly, tears in her eyes.
We were both laid out on a couple of sun loungers, watching the sun go down over the hotel swimming pool when she turned and said that to me.
It was a beautiful setting, but the air of melancholy that surrounded us sucked away any of the beauty from where we were.
We’d gone on holiday, as friends.
To talk about events that had happened over the last year or so.
We’d been boyfriend and girlfriend for over four years, prior , and we’d traveled the world together.
Everyone – including ourselves – saw us as being together forever, the perfect couple.
Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards.
That’s was before the cuckoo came into our lives.
That was before my understanding of psychology, philosophy, and knowing the various guises of how evil can manifest itself...
The cuckoo was called Samantha.
A few years older than us, she’d inserted herself into our circle of friends, and she was the life and soul of the party, she could never do enough – everyone said how ‘great’ she was – including myself.
She never stopped smiling.
In retrospect, I now see it akin to the smile that a great white shark offers, just before it chews you into pieces.
That’s was Samantha.
Over a period of twelve months, and with her magnificent social skills leveraged to perfection, she'd circled the quarry - my then girlfriend...and then closed in for the kill....
She'd separated my now ex girlfriend from the crowd with 'friendship and camaraderie'.
She wanted my girlfriend for herself.
We were both naïve in the ways of the manipulative midwit (I didn’t even know of the term, or their existence, back then).
After four years together , of being so close that we were virtually one, we found ourselves strangers with each other.
What had changed?
Samantha.
We eventually split up - the messy details are not important, but lets just say our lack of communication, and with other people interfering in our relationship, things came to head.
I'd lost my girlfriend… And she'd lost me.
Twelve months later , we’d decided to go on this holiday together - to talk things through, as we both had unresolved issues and things to say to each other...
“Is there any way we can give it another go?,” She said, tears still in her eyes, “You know, start afresh?”
I would have cut off my right arm, there and then, if I could have said “yeah, Ok”, and honestly meant it.
But I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t have meant it.
That perfect vase called our relationship, had been pushed off the table by an evil manipulator called Samantha, and no matter how well that vase was glued back together – it would never – COULD never, be what it was.
I told my ex-girlfriend this, and she nodded, she understood.
She understood me , the core of who I am - better than anyone else I’ve ever known. She knew the answer to the question already.
She knew it wasn’t gonna happen.
We both cried together , laid out there on the sun loungers, in sadness of what was once perfect - gone forever.
(my choices would be different today - in retrospect - growing up, and all that).
We spent the rest of the two weeks drinking copiously, having lots of sex, and trying to pretend that things were 'fine'.
But we both knew that they weren’t.
The air of melancholy never left , no matter how much rum and coke we sank….
Things had changed.
My ex had found out exactly what Samantha’s intentions were soon enough after we’d split up.
It all suddenly became very clear to my ex, what had gone on, the manipulations involved, and the fake friendship that was hidden behind the smiles…
My ex was pissed off.
Seriously pissed.
We were 'one' you see, and the smiling nasgul had intentionally tried to create a fissure , a dividing of the whole.
My ex knew, in retrospect , that she'd been played, and manipulated by someone who did not have our best intentions at heart .
She believed a narrative that was spun by a sophist.
What a difference an understanding of some basic psychology would have made.
The events that had unfolded would have not been allowed to happen, to evolve...
That’s life, it is what it is.
You live, and you learn (hopefully). The scars are a road map of your life, and are something to be proud of. A life well lived.
My ex wanted me to hurt the nasgul – She was 'beyond fuming' shall we say – and she didn’t do forgiveness when she'd been taken for an idiot.
So that’s what we did.
We planned, and we used leverage. We knew her social life, and her thirst for money, were her weaknesses. (this was without any knowledge of the midwit psychology)
And so I hurt 'the nasgul' - badly.
How?
Where it would hurt her the most – her wallet and her social standing.
The thwarting of an evil midwit nasgul is always best done through the wallet.
It's the only language that they really understand .
They just aren't bright enough to converse in higher languages...
Broken bones and bruises are of little concern to these people – but an empty wallet? (no 'power' or 'social standing')
Now THAT causes real agony...
I still love(d) my ex to bits, and seeing the pain in her eyes of being played like she was, gave me even more resolve to hurt Samantha. (My martyr complex was kicking in! lol)
Attack an evil.
Allowing known evil to go unopposed , makes you an accomplice in allowing such evil - ouch !
I’m not a saint and there was no moral dilemma. We had been wronged.
Over the next 2 or so years - I destroyed her.
Her business first, and then her credibility - in tatters.
Her social circle ostracized her.
She tried to play the victim to a world that was no longer listening.
The world knew the truth.
And they didn’t like what they saw.
'Her apple pie no longer tasted too nice', as it were...
Her business went bankrupt.
Her health suffered as she internalized her pain.
I feel no remorse - or happiness - only a grim satisfaction.
It was not done in passion, but with cold intent - to stop an evil fucker in spreading their cancer.
Guess what?
I sleep very well.
I have zero mercy for intentional evil.... and only marginally less so in tolerance for stupid, unwitting, evil.
It was done.
‘Justice’ (a farcical concept in relation to what she'd purposefully destroyed) was not served – but it was enough.
Some modicum of 'karmic equilibrium' had been achieved.
And I was happy to help in that resetting.
I cannot grasp the concept of intentionally hurting another as a proactive action.
I cannot imagine how ugly their internal landscape must be, to see that as a valid way to live your life.
Putrid, pathetic, and pretty disgusting, imo.
Addendum:
....Some more musings from a twat with a moral compass…
You know when you’ve walked away from a bad relationship , a relationship that - once you’ve become emotionally detached from it - you can see it clearly for just how bad it really was…?
Have you ever been there?...felt that feeling?
(not the relationship above - that was nothing but good until it all went ‘tits up’).
When you walk away from that negative kind of relationship, you suddenly see life as better , the air smells sweeter, your food tastes better – you’ve released yourself from a prison that you’d somehow put yourself into…
That’s how I'm feeling right now.
I’m out of a bad relationship.
‘Emotionally detached’ as it were.
…A relationship lasting four years or so, but not one based on respect and understanding , but one of greed , manipulation, and control….of evil presenting a faux smile to the world, you might say.
I won’t get duped again (hopefully).
Didn't I mention something earlier about ‘you live and learn?’…lol.
I’ve learned a lot.
More than you can ever know.
This relationship that I’m walking away from now doesn’t register in the ‘important’ scale.
It wasn’t a ‘girlfriend, boyfriend’ kinda gig. Not even fuck buddies. Or anything close.
But, oh, what I’ve learned from it - is incalculable.
Now for the next stage in my life.
Stronger, wiser, and ……energized .
I like projects, they give a person purpose.
There's nothing more rewarding than following that purpose, going to sleep at night, knowing that you've contributed - played your part - in thwarting evil .
....And then waking up the next day, already knowing what it is that you have to do.
Reactive morals = Peace , through the use of violence to defend moral goods.
Proactive moralizing = No peace - by using violence as a tool to achieve unattainable goals .
I wish only sleepless nights on those proactively moralizing.
(Those without moral compass who create discord as a means to control others).
The destruction of the self will then follow the insomnia - and all without any input from anyone else.
Perfect.
'Be careful what you wish for' as they say..... Oh, I am....
Karma is a total bitch, and when she comes a calling, you don't really have much say in the matter.
(And I don't think begging her for mercy works very well, either).
I would have contradicted you one year ago. In times of what one perceives as undisturbed, the urge to fight, defend or otherwise disobey, gets weakened. When there is no direct threat one can hardly believe that there is an indirect one. Now, fast forwarding, I am in the middle of a time where I have to acquire more radical stances.
Whereas before it was more of a moderate critique, I realize now, that it was too moderate. I was giving into too many compromises instead of having been un-compromising. Still, people told me even back then, that I was "too extreme". And I always thought "huh?" The un-compromising me was much younger and the judgements of those who saw that I fell for ideas which indeed one could question, proved them right in that sense, that I was still on my way to get into ideas, only to shed them later on as wrong or mis-understood.
Everything can be totally mis-understood.
Our younger selves fall for the romantic idea to be a happy couple, taking the "happy ending" from films as reality, not realizing that there, the story of love and friendship actually begins. With conflicts to overcome.
... Even the closest partner or brother or sister can become an enemy, a manipulator of the worst sort. There is something dark inside each and every one of us, is what I think. I sometimes watch my man and I can clearly see a part of him which can become truly evil. But I won't let him. I directly and aggressively confront him when his control freak takes over.
I myself can be an evil woman. I told him, whenever he sees me acting forcefully to a weaker one, that he has the allowance to interfere and taking side of the one who suffers from not being able to defend against me.
And so that is our deal, which we have to renew once in a while.
I was always against violence, but never thought it through. For I did experience force and violence myself and got stuck in the notion that I am helpless and cannot defend myself. That were also physical encounters, in particular during giving birth. Would I be again in the same situation, I would kick them with all my power and chase them away.
Oh, dear, I am in talking mood. Hope, you don't get bored.
lol - You don't bore me ! lol - I enjoy 'listening' to your perspectives.
Sorry for not going into a more detailed response - A little busy with something that does not allow me to sit down and type out long replies to you - but I can read !..
:) good to know. I myself have now pull me away from keyboard. Do the dishes and stuff. Thanks for the responses you did. Bye for now.
byeeeeeeee! (for now)..
Greatest of lines I've come across in so many ways.
Phew...
Read, digest and take a look back if there's anything you can relate to the topic :
This is me legit trynna stack this all up and say "Hey playing Evil with Evil is cool" doing it over and over is much fun!
There's no mercy for lives creating imbalances on earth, it's strike or get knocked out!
Bad relationships equals resourceful lessons ( hopefully)
So it's getter smarter as you get teared into pieces in the process.
Not to offend you but honestly, i feel, if a relationship can be broken or affected by a third person, it was never strong enough. You might be blaming Samantha for your break up but maybe there were other reasons and Samantha just showed them to you or your girlfriend.
But don't you worry mate, life has a lot to teach and learn. May be it was not your fault but in some or the other way, it would have taught you a lot.
How much do you understand about the midwit psychology, covert narcissism, and psychological manipulation?
I have lots of posts concerning these topics - if you wish to read them.
Never underestimate the social skills of those fitting that midwit demographic.
They are rife on hive if you care to look.
I'm not offended can assure you.
Trying to second guess the psychologies of the three people based on the contents of this post is asinine at best .......I won't say more - I don't want to offend you.
9My ex found out about the manipulations and lies at a later date - hence being sorry for falling for the buillshit that Samantha propagated).
Mate, I'm not judging and I'm no one to do so. I completely understand its your personal life and I can't even imagine what you must have gone through and how much pain you must have felt. I know this stuff is very hard because even I went through such things with my BF, for different reasons though.
Whatever it be, I am by your side and not judging or forming opinions based on just 1 post. I'm sorry if at all I made you feel that way. All I wanted to say is don't feel bad because maybe it was not meant to be.
I was just pointing out to you that forming an opinion with a lack of knowledge of the situation - any situation - is a dangerous road to go down.
For example, I was not indulging in avoidance strategies, or transference, or projection.
This is based on facts that came to light after everything went tits up.
I don't adhere to the 'meant to be or not meant to be' ideology.
(that would infer predestine, and in my opinion, is a fallacy - arguments all based on logical thought process).
Sorry if I came across in any way other than from a forensic 'examination of events perspective'. It was not intended.
Understanding psychology certainly helps in identifying 'human cancers' - they are everywhere! lol (I didn't know about these things at the time).
It's all good - no offence taken.
Peace.
this should be prerequisite reading for any supposed adult entering dpos waters, love the part about smiling and shark teeth
...........having a moral compass on here is rather akin to having rabies and we all know how "Cujo" ended
in the end though there is something to be said for figuring out how the dead silence of most is also a form of evil, the whole "sin of omission" thing. ;)
cheers,
Axey
Thanks for the happy bit of news and a pretty darn good story, @lucylin. Glad to see you've been doing well, enough.