The Power of Fatherhood (POB Word of the Week: POWER #005)

Affirming the Power of Fatherhood Does Not Diminish the Power of Motherhood

First, let me state up front that this post about the power of fatherhood in no way diminishes the power and importance of motherhood. The two are meant to be compatible and mutually-reinforcing. The power of fatherhood is diminished if not supplemented and complemented by motherhood, and vice versa.


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Inspiration for this Post

The inspiration for this post came, in part, after I read a brutally honest (and heartbreaking) comment to @ironshield’s post about his daughter growing up so quickly.

The comment said, in part:

I wish that I would have a caring father like you.

My father was so aggressive and bad that we had to move away from him.

Our father hit us, he was often drunk, and a lottery addict.

[one day] he hit [our mother] so hard that the pillow became covered in blood. That was the point, when we decided to leave/escape him.

I am not angry at him. I already forgave him. Even though he ruined our lives.

That comment encapsulates the destructive power of bad fatherhood. Although I will touch on that issue some, most of this post will focus on the uplifting power of positive fatherhood.

The other half of the inspiration for this post came from @kevinnag58’s post about the power of a smile, which was submitted as a response to @calumam’s weekly POB Word of the Week Challenge -- this week’s word is ‘power’.

The context @kevinnag58  used was that of a father’s smile. The power of a father’s smile is undeniable. I am a father of six -- far too many times I have missed opportunities to positively influence my children with a simple smile (or a nod or a thumb’s up).

A father’s smile gives attention, encouragement, and affirmation. These are three of the powerful ingredients of uplifting fatherhood.

The Power of Fatherhood is a Two-Edged Sword

The power in fatherhood is two-edged -- a father has the power to inspire his children to be courageous, but he also has the power to destroy their sense of hope; he can build them up or tear them down; he can protect them or harm them; he can inspire spiritual vitality or he can imbue spiritual apathy.

Dr. Robert Lewis, in his Quest for Authentic Manhood educational materials, talks about two important realities associated with fatherhood:

  • Divine exemplar -- our view of the Heavenly Father will be greatly influenced by the example laid down by our earthly father. For example, if our earthly father was mostly absent in our lives, we will tend to view God as distant and absent. If our earthly father was loving and affectionate, we will likely perceive God as being loving and affectionate.
  • Baggage -- we bring into our marriage and into our relationship with our children a great deal of the baggage associated with our upbringing and our relationship with our earthly father.

My Father’s Power (and His Father’s Power)

The truth of those two realities is present in my own family. My mother and father divorced when my sister and I were 7 and 5 years old. However, after the divorce, my father spent every weekend with my sister and me, for the next 10 years or more. He never missed one of our home sporting events and usually made it to our out-of-town events as well (and usually sat in the opposing team’s section, cheering loudly for our team).

My father spelled love T-I-M-E.

As such, I grew up viewing God as being available, supportive, close by, interested in me, and ‘on my side’ (even though my father was not a believer and we never talked about spiritual things).

When I began studying the Bible with some friends in high school, it was not difficult for me to surrender control of my life to a Heavenly Father who was available, supportive, close by, interested in me, and ‘on my side’.

By contrast, my dad did not have it so well. His father and mother never divorced and he grew up with both of them present in the home. However, my dad’s dad was distant and detached, hardly ever spending time with his four children. The reality of my grandfather’s impact on my dad hit home to me with a comment my dad made shortly after grandpa died. My dad said, “There were only three things Dad ever loved -- himself, his work, and his money, in that order.”

When I heard my dad utter those words, my heart sank. I couldn’t imagine growing up with such loneliness. At that point, my appreciation for my dad’s commitment to spending time with my sister and me grew exponentially. My dad had apparently recognized the powerful negative impact his dad’s emotional absence had on him, and he consciously chose to break that cycle and to exchange the negative power of absence with the positive power of availability and presence.

My dad’s comments about his dad also helped me understand my dad’s unwillingness to surrender control of his life to God. From my dad’s perspective, God is detached, unavailable, and for the most part, uncaring. I, too, would have a hard time surrendering control of my life to a God who was like that.

The Spiritual Power of Fatherhood

Going back to my opening statement about motherhood and fatherhood, nothing in this post should be interpreted in any way as a diminishment of the importance of motherhood. There are many aspects of motherhood that are uniquely important in the lives of children; similarly, fathers have unique responsibilities -- one of which is the spiritual upbringing of children.

As I mentioned above, a child’s perspective of God is uniquely shaped and influenced by the father’s actions and attitudes toward his wife and his children. In addition, the father’s exemplary participation in the spiritual disciplines of prayer, scripture reading, scripture memorization, meditation, and fasting will indelibly influence his children’s spiritual sensitivity and personal spiritual journeys.

The Many Ways a Father Can Powerfully Influence His Children for the Better

In closing, I want to provide a non-exhaustive list of the ways a father can powerfully influence his children for the better:

  • Constantly giving them affirmation, affection, attention, and encouragement.
  • Encouraging them to achieve greatness, to strive to do their best.
  • Teaching them (by example) that tenderness does not mean weakness.
  • Teaching them (by example) to exercise self-discipline.
  • Teaching them (by example) to respect authority.
  • Teaching them (by example) how men are to respect women.
  • Teaching them (by example) how husbands are to cherish their wives.
  • Teaching them (by example) what it means to be authentic in one’s faith.
  • Teaching them (by example) what it means to be a spiritual leader in the home.

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Really thoughtful. This really sank deep into me as I read it, luckily for me though I've read the book 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell. In that book he talked extensively about how seemingly little things like this can affect many areas of our lives. The way we are brought up, the kind of parents we have, etc really goes a very long way in determining our outlook in life.

If I hadn't read that book I don't know how speechlessly stunned I would have been by this argument/revelation you made here - because I realized how true it is,
I began to see how it applies to my own life and that of my friends. Great job @trostparadox👍.


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seemingly little things like this can affect many areas of our lives.

The interesting thing to me, with respect to this 'path dependency' concept, is that we have a choice as to HOW those things affect us.

My dad chose to break the cycle of absentee-fatherhood. He could have just as easily (or actually, more easily) chosen to wallow in self-pity and promulgate the cycle rather than breaking it.

Yes, fortunately we can break the cycle and it's really impressive he was able to do that.
Usually it takes a good proactive thinker to break away from cycles that their environment and situations strap them to. If one doesn't reflect on life, think about the things they have a high tendency and seem predisposed to do and then decide to make conscious effort to change a couple of things they would keep going around living according to the dictates of their upbringing.


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Wow, quite the realisation for myself after reading this. I'd never made the link between father and heavenly father in the way you've laid out. It does make sense. Not surprising that I have not followed religion at all and I'm wondering if losing my father at a young age has a part to play in that.

In terms of your own upbringing and link to religion, it looks like it's healthy and something that you've looked to instill in your own children (my vague opinion after following your content and seeing how you interact).

Powerful post.


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I guess that's the merits of healthy conversations. We get to learn things that we may have missed out on years ago, probably.

Our earthly parents are representatives of God himself. Though most people don't give it two thoughts, they ultimately have the Supreme power over us unless God wants otherwise.


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Our earthly parents are representatives of God himself.

Yes, that was all a part of His design from the beginning.

This 'divine representation' within the family unit is exemplified in Ephesians 5:31-32:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

I'd never made the link between father and heavenly father in the way you've laid out. It does make sense.

Nor had I, until I heard it taught by Dr. Robert Lewis. As soon as I heard it, though, it all made perfect sense. Shortly thereafter, I sat down and wrote my dad a letter thanking him for choosing to be active, present, and supportive in mine and my sister's lives.

I remember when I once wrote an article about a father-daughter relationship, although I've forgotten most of what I had in there, still, this was a related point from a section of it.

While most don't understand it, a father's love overly influences the mother's, not about picking sides, although as children we never speak of it openly. I've come across a lot of conversations on social media where teens speak of how much hate they have for their fathers, how it hurts to grow up without his love and how much it has affected them in so many angles.

I feel it's a topic widely ignored, maybe cause nobody ever wants to speak of it.

A father holds the strength and weakness of a child, he can groom them to be strong people in the society and he can make them a mess.


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A father holds the strength and weakness of a child, he can groom them to be strong people in the society and he can make them a mess.

Well said.

Should make us each tremble at the realization of that level of responsibility.

Those bullet points seem like a bulletproof strategy to install much of the essential tools to grow up and be responsible and kind.

I think for myself I would like fathers to be as conscious of what values they absolutely want to pass on, and prioritize just those. I think there is a fine balance between on one hand allowing the young to discover and develop their own values, ideas and beliefs on their own and learn from that experience, and ensuring on the other to ensure that the most important lessons that none can afford to miss out on is also taught and we'll established.

I think for me, those would be 1. To understand, respect and appreciate personal finance. Both to ensure they avoid crushing debt or silly mistakes, but also to instead set them up for success early that can have immense benefits later. 2. To value real friendship and understand that one new lasting friendship or relationship of mutual respect with someone is worth more than 50 new followers on Instagram. And that maintaining good relations is not to take for granted. And 3. To be curious and intellectually honest with themselves. Looking to actually understand something and have good self knowledge of what they actually know and don't know.

I think the point I'm getting to eventually is that while one may want to tell one's kids how to do everything, there's only so much that they will actually take in. So pick the things that matter most, and relax knowing that with a strong foundation, most other mistakes are usually not too bad, but instead good lessons.


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I think for myself I would like fathers to be as conscious of what values they absolutely want to pass on, and prioritize just those.

Yes, identifying and prioritizing on a few key principles and/or life skills is a great approach.

First of all, your babies are super cute! I completely agree with you on this. Motherhood and Fatherhood go hand in hand. There are certain things for which a child needs their mother and for sure she is indispensable but then there are other things where no one can fill in for a father. I'm a new mother and I cannot agree with you more on it now that I'm witnessing this with myself.

And even if I think about my childhood, there are things I can't go to my mom for and where I definitely want my father to step in (especially sighing the report cards because mom would kill me, LOL). But jokes apart, I'm sure you must be a great father; everyone is in their own way. Good post!


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I'm a new mother and I cannot agree with you more on it now that I'm witnessing this with myself.

Congrats!


There are certain things for which a child needs their mother and for sure she is indispensable but then there are other things where no one can fill in for a father.

As I have reflected on the differences between motherhood and fatherhood, I have come up with an overly simplistic (but nonetheless useful, to me anyway) comparison:

  • mothers are paramount to our physical health and survival
  • fathers are paramount to our spiritual health and survival

This is not to say that a mother cannot help a child develop and grow spiritually, nor that a father cannot help a child with the physical necessities of life. It's just a difference that I've noticed, with respect to how we are wired and our tendencies.

A child needs both. And, fortunately for those single parents out there, surrogate mothers and fathers are able to step in and fill the gaps left behind by misfortune, divorce, or tragedy.

When I saw the title of your post, I felt this is what about what you read in the "power of a smile " by @kevinnag58, I did not know a comment had inspired this too.

My mum used to raise a prayer topic whenever we are praying for dad, and she used to say in our native language, it goes like this "When the head of the shepherd is cut off, the sheep disperse, and goes astray"

This prayer to us meant God should protect our daddy because if something happens to him, it could literally mean our lives is over. My dad had been supportive right from the beginning. He made sure we had everything from a good place to live to basic amenities.

Dad makes sacrifices that I could not imagine another human does. And in my dad's world, Love is spelled S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E

Like your dad, my dad got his from the fact that grandad wasn't supportive. Grandmum had to literally send all of us to school by herself. She worked many jobs just to feed them, clothe them, and ensure they went to school. Granddad was only concerned about himself, his money, his lottery

It took a lot for rDad to accept religion and God and watching the scenes of your life repeat in mine, I am moved to accept that all you said is true

Fatherhood doesn't terminate the place of motherhood, it builds and transforms it.


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Sigh. Isn't it sad that you had to reaffirm that this post wasn't in any way maligning the importance of a mother. I can see how easily things like this can be misconstrued.

Anyway, in regards to the topic. I had an amazing fatherhood. My father was a great example and even though he is late now, i have been able to extend the love he showed me to my young siblings. I remember him as a strong man. Maybe not so emotional but he did what was best for his family and that entailed making some big sacrifices.

As a christian, we are charged as fathers to take care of our households. It is a fundamental duty. Often many men are absent in their children's lives and this has impacted the society negative. I hope this changes with time esp in the black communities where many fathers are either dead or incarcerated


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My father was a great example and even though he is late now, i have been able to extend the love he showed me to my young siblings.

What a great legacy for you to hold onto and pass on.

I was really glad I found this @trostparadox

The power of the father is the influence. In many steps of the father's life influence seems invisible but it is always there. Many father's don't know the tremendous responsibility of family comes not in providing bread and a roof, but in providing love and comfort for family.

My father spelled love T-I-M-E.

You knew your father's love language. That is really a blessing. Many misinterpret a father's attempt at love and for their whole lifetime and think they have no evidence that they are really loved at all. Our children sometimes perceive love differently then we do. It's not always evident to us what is going on in their brains. We need help. Sometimes our spouse is that mirror that tells us the obvious, but as you said the is a "spiritual power of fatherhood." We need the best teacher to open our own eyes. Whether a father choses to do so or not, a father is always teaching through life actions and serving. It's really up to us what we do with this power as fathers and teachers. The family is the fiber that will hold together the next generation and father's and mothers both are essential in doing so.


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This is quite emotional, I believe the definition of dead beat parenting spans diversely and most people experienced it differently. In my case my father and mother had a difficult marriage, they fought each other for 20 years, neglecting we the children, it was a toxic marriage and it's impact in my life altered a whole lot. It's great to see that your father's life never was never negatively influenced by your grandfather. As parents it's important we do better for our children irrespective, it's important


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As parents it's important we do better for our children irrespective, it's important

So true!

Constantly giving them affirmation, affection, attention, and encouragement.
Encouraging them to achieve greatness, to strive to do their best.
Teaching them (by example) that tenderness does not mean weakness.
Teaching them (by example) to exercise self-discipline.
Teaching them (by example) to respect authority.
Teaching them (by example) how men are to respect women.
Teaching them (by example) how husbands are to cherish their wives.
Teaching them (by example) what it means to be authentic in one’s faith.
Teaching them (by example) what it means to be a spiritual leader in the home.

All of this point shows us the perfect father to his children, this can be a lesson for me and i hope i can become good father for my childrens in future soon, thanks for sharing sir @trostparadox :)
this reminds me how my father teach me with his own way to be a real man and several points mentioned in your articles above :)


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Fatherhood is a frustrating, frightful, intense, and beautiful experience. I've never slept so little while accomplishing so much. I was into our home, and I can almost see the chaos and conflicting emotions that can come from two little ones rampaging about the house. I took for granted that everyone could sense these things and be calm. I was wrong. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and not enjoy the life before your eyes.

The lessons you've provided aren't just limited to fathers. Everyone can benefit from your wisdom. Thank you for your post.


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Although not a father myself yet I've learned much from seeing other families and learn each day to better myself with my family (mother, father, sister, uncle, cousins etc) to treat each as unique individuals and take interest in the things they are interested in.

Much like I would like someone to care and learn from me and care about the things I love and inspire me I need to show that same respect to them.

This brings me to your core insight and how I view my life and actions I now do each day. Leading by example. Much like "Be the change you want to see in the world" I don't bother wasting my time on negative or news that simple has a single aim to trigger and spark emotion to get engagement. Instead I pride myself on building as it's so easy to tear down which is much of what we see in the world today.

So although I can't speak of fatherhood I believe this applies to all cases in life. Your friends, your family, your co workers and even strangers.


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Great post! It hit me hard because I am experiencing the experience of fatherhood in several of its phases! My daughter is five years old and her mother and I have been separated for two years. It was a very difficult phase initially and painful for everyone, but without a doubt it was necessary. And I, more than before,
I am committed to being the best father she could have, really! I take the role of father "very seriously" and teach everything I can, give her life experiences to remember with love and absorb every bit of what she gives me too! There are several means and influences that we will have on children.
And even though I come from an unbalanced home (due to the semi-absent figure of an alcoholic father), I took the best I could of him and only keep the best memories! Thanks for that post, friend!


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I took the best I could of him and only keep the best memories!

Very wise approach!

Something I didn't mention in the original post, but which is extremely relevant, especially in light of your situation, after their divorce, my mom and dad both went out of their way to NEVER talk bad about each other, at least not in front of my sister and me.

When a divorce occurs, one of the worst things a mother or father can do to their children is to try to diminish the importance of the other one.

Children need to have confidence and trust in their mom. And, equally, they need to have confidence and trust in their dad. Stealing either of those "diamonds of hope" from them is a grievous wrong.

Exactly man, this deal about not talk bad about each other its very important to make kids grow with healthy family even in divorce situation. Unfortunately are less parent that made this a serious deal. So much humans not prepared to live a real parenthood. But, focus on us and what we can do! And we do the best for us little creatures :)

Fathers are the mirror of their children and are expected to be the perfect definition of God's love towards their children. The role of fatherhood can never be sidelined irrespective of the fact that the mother may be more closer to the children. When division sets in between the parent it tells more on their children as well. I'm also product of a separated parent but thank God for His grace and mercy.

One important fact I've captured from your content is to lay good example our children can emulate to make them have a fulfilled destiny in God and to mankind, this is definitely a remarkable roadmap to a great fatherhood.

@trostparadox, Thank you for the great content and wishing you success in this contest.


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This story is impressive and how a bond could be broken and then repaid what in the past was something that did not exist in a certain person, in this case to his father.

On the other hand, I am very happy about the Faith that he professes and I am sure he is fulfilling what they say in Proverbs 22: 6 with his children, I also practice that with my little ones. Greetings and thanks for sharing this experience that will surely be of great help to some!


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Yes, thanks for bringing attention to this very important truth:

Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.

        Proverbs 22:6

I am very happy that I mentioned him, I grew up and I still treasure that special appointment, even more so when for reasons that perhaps we do not understand, a temporary separation keeps physical contact between my parents away.

Although we talk every day, I know that at some point which I hope and be close to, I can share with them again, and remember what a big hug from parents is. And I have planned that while we are talking and having a cup of coffee, to be thankful for what they instilled in me as a child!


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For the most part of my life, I never had a Father(after Divorce) but several fatherly figures. My mother played dual roles in her relationship with me & my sister. Then there were my mother's brothers who made me learn a ton of stuff about life.

Father is like a mentor who teaches you from his own experiences, good or worse. (dual-edged sword)

Your post made me reflect on my own past. I am a summation of everyone I have met in my life. Right or wrong. I have tried hard to pick the best of them. This is what my mother taught me!


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A father’s smile gives attention, encouragement, and affirmation. These are three of the powerful ingredients of uplifting fatherhood.

I am a father of three. I agree with the three ingredients. Attention, encouragement, and affirmation are three factors that will help our children build their confidence. Giving attention does not mean that we should watch over our children 24 hours a day but giving attention is like giving compliments, and making engagements with our little kids. Encouragement gives supports to our child's creativity. Do not say " That is bad" but we'd better say "What do you think of this" you can compare something better. Affirmation is to provide reinforcement to good and creative things. children will feel happy when their work gets appreciation. Make a frame on our child's painting and display it in a room or a place that can be seen by many people. This is an affirmation of self-confidence with creativity.


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What an incredible text. It is inevitable not to remember a little my story:

My father is very loving, but during my adolescence we had some problems. When I was around 16, my father stopped drinking, and he was an alcoholic.

When his stopped drinking, his mood fluctuated quite easily, in his tantrums he beat me.

In fact, we fought a lot, it was a real mutual aggression. My mom didn't know much to do other than to ask to stop... We spent months without speaking until we spoke again, and once again we also fought. It was about 2 years in this situation until my father learned to deal with the lack of alcohol.

But after these two difficult years of our relationship, he stopped it, you know? And we have our good relationship again. My father went through a bad time, I understood and I forgave him for it. He remains loving and is a amazing grandfather to my daughter.

Despite our difficult time, I have always seen my father as my hero and, undoubtedly, there is a lot of power in that.

Thank you for reminding me of this through your post.


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My father went through a bad time, I understood and I forgave him for it. He remains loving and is a amazing grandfather to my daughter.

Forgiveness benefits the forgiver, regardless of the situation or outcome. Glad you chose that route.

Glad your relationship with your father is back on solid footing and that he is able to be lovingly involved in your life and your daughter's!

Thanks for sharing.

I think generationally times have changed, and fathers now have a more active place in raising children, perhaps society changes have molded the differences between generations and when the same person finds themselves in different environments (i.e. 30 years alter) they may act differently. Its a theory, might not be right, but I think it does have something to do with the role of fathers and how it has changed over time.

That is where we let "culture" affect our personal livelihoods.


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The father's role in raising children is often subjugated in many countries (as here in Brazil), as if the son only needed the mother to grow up. A very big mistake (something rooted in society) that is only better understood when the child depends only on the father (in many families where the father is single).

Naturally (for obvious reasons), a mother has a stronger connection with her children ... However, "neglecting" the importance of the father in this process of raising children is something very wrong and that can reflect (negatively) on the future of children.

Great post, @trostparadox.

I lack the words to express how I feel after reading this, I could feel and appreciate your father's commitment to being in the life of you and your sister. The impact of that commitment and what it must mean to you both.

This is a post that should be seen by all. It provides a clearer picture of what is expected of fathers.

I would never have linked relationship between earthly fathers to our evenly father, but this post has got me thinking


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Definitely the presence of the father, and quality presence plays an important role in the upbringing of children hence the formation of the individual, or that connection with the heavenly father is paramount to be the infinity who gives us the wisdom to guide those beautiful beings who depend on parents, thank you for your beautiful post @trostpsradox


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I wished I had a good father. Both parents should be friends to their kids. They aren't their bosses. I have a long story with my father. I wish you read it to know what kind of father I had. That was hard. I wrote that here : A part of my life. But, maybe that what made me so strong psychologically !

Devine feminine, sacred masculen. A child needs both.

I really like how much interaction you have on your posts! Im an old steemit user, and i left my page dorment a couple years ago during the vote bot drama. Recently started posting and interacting here on Hive, and POB. No interaction was a large part of my dismay with steemit. Its nice to see on POB, Leo, and even over on WeedCash Network where I post pictures of my grows and such get quitw a bit of interaction. Hive, and POB are doing well.

Awesome post, keep em comin!


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Your story is very beautiful, today my father is not by my side but I still have his memories and teaching.


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Beautiful. Jesus called God “Abba” in Aramaic ... it is a beautiful word.

This is the Lord’s Prayer”Our Father” in Aramaic, as spoken by Jesus in the 1st Century.


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I feel completely identified with your post, I like how you address the spiritual theme and the role of the father to lead his children on the spiritual path.


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I love this post, it reminded me of my father, he was caring, responsible and a lover of God. His demise affected me really hard then, thank God for life.


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the father and mother are one body of the child. both of them have equal strength so that with them a child will be created. I agree with you


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Father figure is a very important one in a child's life. How a child's life would eventually end depends on the examples his or her parents had lay before him or her.


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This is a very inspiring post. Thank you.

Really got me thinking. Greatly enjoyed.


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In rereading your article, it makes me question the 'job' I did as a father to my three kids. Is there a way to grade our performance in this regard?

I guess for me it turns upon looking at results. My oldest is 32 and my youngest 24 both boys, with my daughter falling in the middle at 29. All of them have turned out to be productive members of our society, cause no trouble, are kind to others, and are socially responsible.

Did I succeed in my nurturing duties while they were young? Well, their childhood was filled with love, their desires reasonably met, they never went hungry or unclothed - and today it seems they turned out to be beneficial members of our society.

I don't know if this is success, but for me it was the best I could do - and the results were good.


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All of them ... are kind to others

That would be the biggest indicator to me of a job well done.

My joke has always been that I hope my wife and I screw up our kids less than our parents screwed us up.

And, in that respect, both our sets of parents were hugely successful, despite their shortcomings.

My dad did that, actively choosing to reverse his dad's absent-father shortcomings.

My mom did that, actively choosing to forgive her childhood abuser and to be a kind and supportive mom.

My mother-in-law did that, choosing to avoid letting her alcoholic father instill fear in her and her younger siblings, then providing a stable alcohol-free environment for her 3 kids to grow up in.

My father-in-law did that also, providing stability and spiritual guidance to my wife and her 2 brothers.



A pastor friend of mine has a saying he often repeats, "Hurt people hurt people." Being able to break that cycle is perhaps one of the highest contributions an individual can make to society.


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At last ,a content that celebrates fathers....I love this post....@trostparadox


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I never knew the value of my dad until i lost him. Fathers play a very important role in the family


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The role of a father can never be overlook, he gives courage and protect his home


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