a nice bait and switch story
For me the denouement needs more work, and below are some questions that need some elucidation:
- How does Diego over-power 4 thugs? (though this would disappear if point 2 is resolved);
- Is Diego an undercover cop? saying the thugs are in custody suggest yes, him arriving alone suggests no.
- If he is, for what reason has he remained undercover for 5 years without letting his SO his real role - undercover rules are pretty strict with regard to deceiving the general public (esp in a personal relationship scenario) is my understanding?
I was going to ask how she got 'custody of the coffee machine and beans, but the mix up with delivery seems to answer that - though it opens up him mentioning giving away his moms beans being a bigger personal screw up than sending the drugs to the wrong place.
thanks for the story. best wishes with redrafts
hi Stuart thanks for the visit and feedback :-)
Yes, he is undercover drug enforcement. I originally had him arriving with back up but a tight deadline and a need to cut word count to meet the 1000 word limit meant they had to go... regardless 🤣 I also had to cut how he took them by surprise... word count again 🙄As per my comments in the comment section, I had a more fleshed out version... but it needed to be cut under time pressure !LOLZ And yes his partner was not aware that he was working undercover on a drug sting - funny I originally had him penned as a drug lord... but then he decided to become a drug enforcement officer instead... crazy how characters take over the story like that 😂 - I didn't have time to research and fact check this part (I usually do quite a lot of research to ensure authenticity). As for the beans, his mother sent them to Sally each month. It is her coffee machine and she chose to take that with her when she left rather than have it packed in the boxes. Hope this helps to elucidate things a bit more... and yeah pretty big screw-up by the removal company picking up the wrong boxes!
I always appreciate your comments. They are very insightful and constructive. I knew it had some missing pieces to it but I had to hit publish with one minute to spare.
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Tight time & word counts have done for me on enough occasions.
But you have most of the body for a great story
Thanks Stuart, appreciate it! You're always pretty spot on with your advice! !PIMP !ALIVE
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