You are a very good person, kind and devoted, and you have a gentle soul. You feel lonely in a foreign country, and I feel in my own ... But at least I'm at home.
There are completely different people. My friend's friend went to Germany, then to Portugal, then to Spain. She has a job and she feels very well. It looks like a great excuse (or a chance) to travel around Europe almost for free and enjoy life. Her friend and I stayed in Kyiv all the time. And she never wrote to any of us, never asked if we were alive. This is... weird and wrong.
Please, don't push yourself to stay positive. You don't have to be positive all the time, just try to find at least one positive thing that happened to you today, and focus on it. You know, on those 3 hardest first weeks, before fall asleep, I said every night "Thank you for I am alive". It was definitely a damn positive thing :D It helped me to sleep well.❤️