I get asked all the time – what is it like to be married to a full fleet admiral when I am “just”a commercial shipping captain?
The picture above is what I often think of, although it is just a little bit of the answer … and the thought reminds me of why I love Vlarian Triefield Kirk more today than I did 25 years ago.
Now understand: I loved her so much upon meeting her that I proposed upon our second date, and between the first and second date went out and did alchemy in the Cnidaria Nebula just to make sure she would get back alive so I could propose and marry her. I was sprung, whipped, turned out – whatever term you want to use – from the gate, because I sensed then what I know now: she would and did take all that she was and bring it to be for us, and for our family, just as I would, and have.
V.T. is the highest-ranking science officer in the military and exploration fleet, and has been since she made commodore 39 years ago … this made her ideas on education for our five children really interesting.
She was semi-retired at age 55 (but a quarter-Vulcan, so still appearing about 30-35), when I met her … she was only in the field if there was a real emergency requiring a full fleet movement with a heavy scientific element. On the day that I met her, she had been working for five years on the question of the gem-jellies of the Cnidaria Nebula, and was at last about to leave with her fleet to take them down. That was the kind of thing she was called out for, and those kinds of things didn't happen often.
V.T. taught for one semester a year at the Academy on specialized courses, but had already started to transition to designing modules before our marriage; it was a better use of her time and experience, although she enjoyed teaching … but we were about to have five students of our own, and that same mind that designed modules to teach very high science to fleet cadets was able to open the galaxy to the minds of our children.
Old earth technology – needlework and Chia pets and painting palettes – were combined by my wife to create what you see above … each of my children, at the appropriate age, was shocked to be presented a plate full of planting medium and told to water it every day, and that friends would go right out of the ground … and sure enough, they learned how to “grow friendships” when the fun faces grew out of the dirt … and then there was a second surprise when they bloomed ...
… no two were ever alike...
Immediately, what our children learned was the return of steady, consistent work, while they were still small.
Next up … “Would you like to make one?”
Some were eager, some less so, but they went along because “If you get good at it, I'll make space for you to do a big one in the garden.”
And so all of my children learned to sit down, in a world in which nearly everything was on a screen or increasingly coming from replicators, to put the work in to plan, build, and grow something in the world, with their mother's guidance. This also allowed her to see which of our children were more like her...
with their calm gem-toned approach to what they wanted to see grow …
… and which ones were more like me …
… who if they had to color inside the lines were going to make the lines drunk with color for their trouble...
… and were the first to get out into the yard and try to replicate the pattern in the spring with the plants their mother purchased to the purpose.
After that, their mother nourished the entrepreneur in them, for of course their friends had never seen anything like this, and once they got good on the plate and in the yard, she encouraged them to make their own designs and offer them to others … a first business opportunity for all of them, and the next one to grow old enough brought a new idea to the business of “growing friendship.” I would get tears in my eyes sometimes, watching them getting 5-10 years' of advantage on me in learning how to be creatives plugged into researching and marketing and advertising – creatives who could do good business, a rare and potent combination.
And then there were the trips to go see landscaping and topography example across the Earth, the Solar System, and the galaxy … the admiral used her access freely, and was able to show our children how different landscapes were planned, built, grown, and maintained, from the gardens of their neighbors to the vast farms of Ohio and the Midwest to historic gardens around the world and Solar System to entire cities, old ones on Earth and new ones at the far reaches of the human exploration of the galaxy. Landscape, topography, geology, architecture, engineering – their minds were opened and prepared for all of it.
She also set their minds to think of nothing as beyond them, because “your father's work beside being your father is as a captain in the commercial fleet, moving all the supplies needed to build these kinds of things, and my work beside being your mother is as a science officer in the exploration and military fleet that discovers and then protects the things your father ships supplies to build. So, when you grow up, you can get on any side of it that you want; the doors are all open!”
There was always a little trouble when each of our children realized their mother had a higher rank than their father – there was always a fight between my sons and my daughters about it until their mother got it through yet again to all of them: “Your father owns his captaincy, because he owns the family business that has gotten us this house and the apartment building and everything else you see around you. Now I do contribute to all of it, but understand: I am an officer in the exploratory fleet, meaning that I am an employee, and someone else owns my job. I can be fired. Your father cannot. Ownership trumps working in what someone else owns, so a captain who owns his captaincy outranks an admiral who is an employee.”
Now in reality, the probability of life change forcing me to sell my company in the days when I still had at least two or three small children at home (I've got a couple of big children still) was much, much higher than V.T. being dismissed from the fleet at that stage in her career. BUT, the fundamental point was correct, and also spoke deeply to how V.T. resonated with how I wanted to build our family legacy. Given their family background, our children could go through any door in life they wanted, but I wanted them to be able to not have to depend on others but to be able to create their livelihood from their own ingenuity, wherever they might find themselves in the ever-expanding human footprint in the galaxy.
Growing Friendship is now the second Kirk family business running out of my household; my youngest son Tyler Valerian Kirk divides his time between school, making new designs, holding classes to teach younger children and older adults locally how to make their own plates, and making modules to show people across the galaxy how to get in on the fun and where to buy the plates and seeds or where to get his pre-seeded plates – he essentially has dragged the Chia pet craze of the late 20th and early 21st century into the 23rd century, and since the market share is galactic, the sky is not even the limit. His company is also leasing out designs to landscaping companies as well, for a passive stream of income, and that will come in handy should he decide to go to college or the Academy.
T.V. may be richer than his father by the time he is the age I was when I met his mother V.T. … his mother, who in the middle of still being the highest-ranking science officer in her entire fleet still made it her priority to set down those things into our children that will mean that no sky anywhere will be their limit … she set the internal foundation to make the external foundation I have built for their success in life into a springboard for them to boldly do things that no Kirk has done before.
That is just a little bit of what it has been like to be married to the smartest, most beautiful, highest-ranking woman of her class in her fleet in the galaxy while “just” a commercial captain and business owner .. just a little bit, because when she said “I contribute” there was so much she has done just for me that it would take too long to get into it. All I can do with a situation like that is just live out my gratitude every single day.
When I saw the friendly faces in this fractal made in Apophysis 2.09, I knew we were set for a family story... the hard part was finding just the right palettes...