The Clinic
Six years ago, I asked my mother what she would have done differently. At least that's what I asked her in my mind, as I didn't find the courage to do so in real life. What answer would I expect?
I cannot change the past, neither can she. If she would have done something differently it might be not meeting my dad. She never seemed happy having kids, but maybe because she had a hard life growing up herself.
My biological dad is like me, I think that's why my mom never got along with me. She always told us not to get kids, this is what I assume she would have done differently. Maybe I never asked because I was scared to hear that we were mistakes.
As before, they hand me my papers and a zipper bag long enough for my clothes. I grabbed it and walked down the hall towards my room. The room was bleak and empty. A classical clinic room.
I sat down on the bed. What would I have done differently? Nothing or everything? We cannot change the past, nor foresee the future. My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor. It was time for my first therapy session. At least I wanted to get behind myself. Why I am how I am.
Deep inside I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from someone else. Why? Would that make me less responsible? We started talking and the first question was "What would you have done differently?"
On a scaffold outside I saw a guy balancing around. While I was thinking about the answer to the question he smiled at me, cleaning the window.
Weird I thought. Why is someone cleaning windows on a scaffold outside while inside one is supposed to do a mental striptease? I smiled back.
The doctor looked at me, a little bit confused, haven't we just started talking about the reasons why I'm here. Looking at the guy outside I realized that no matter what I would have done differently, I did what I did and so was my mum. I thought I have to learn to forgive myself, so I can forgive anyone else.
If I didn't want to answer? A voice ripped me out of my thinking. I smiled and said that I already answered the question. I thanked the doctor who was even more confused and left the room to get my papers and zipper bag. Two hours after I checked in I left the clinic.
What a great thing this 3 Part Weekend Free Writing.
It was my first time doing a 5 or rather 15 minute prompt but I enjoyed it very much.
I strictly followed the rules and for a moment it was tough, but then it just came to me.
I will follow up on this as it gets me writing.
I'm curious where it will lead me, because I have the feeling that the subconscious can express itself here.
Kinda like a self-therapy.
@mariannewest thanks for hosting this.
Interesting post and thought @bulldog-joy. What I would have done differently is such a tricky and difficult question. Because if you did something differently then who knows what impact that would have had.
Like imagine something I did differently in the past that would have meant that I never joined HIVE. Imagine how that would have sucked, because I would not be sitting here writing this post.
Still a very interesting thought to contemplate.
Thanks @strenue for going over my post 😊.
It is indeed a tricky question, because no matter the topic, whatever we would do different it would affect the present.
I am sure every person is having thoughts about what they would have done differently. I certainly did things in my life where I say now I shouldn't have done them.
But the truth is we did and cannot change it. But we can learn to deal with it and once we reach a point of self forgiveness, we are able to stir our boat of life decisions again.
Ohhhhhh such a thoughtful topic to contemplate on, many words will be written about it lol.
Now that you have piqued my curiosity on the topic, I think there is a post brewing in my mind that I might need to write and share.
Do it and tag me so I can read it 😃 I might as well write more about it, one day lol...my mind is a mess...thoughts here and there lol.
Lovely writing! Now I can think of therapy as being mental striptease lol. This was one of the greatest metaphors in this piece of writing, nicely done!
Lol, thanks. It is quite interesting what comes out when just typing without really thinking lol.
Yes it is, when thinking is no longer prioritary, emotions take in.
The depths of the brain I would say. But it is good, it is indeed like a therapy because it can be dealt with and once it is out, a healing can start. :) I am going to join the next one as well, maybe make that a Sunday routine. Then I will start a routine at least lol.