Thank you so much for this @erh.germany - your name is familiar because anything germanic catches my eye.
Interesting, that at a younger age, the loss of a loved has less impact rather than more: we get older, we should be seasoned professionals at this, but instead, the loss hits so much harder than expected.
My mother died six years ago at the age of 86. I can confirm that it was much closer to me than many years before, in the 90s, when my father died. I was in my early 20s then and I accepted his death much more quickly than my mother's. I think it has to do with the fact that as you get older, death becomes more real to you and confronting it can trigger greater resistance.
And this:
My mother is so much a part of me and I often hear her words when I am in situations where I remember her comments.
Lori is on a soundtrack in the background of my mind, like a radio commentator. I be like "What about Julie? What about our grandma and (et al)?" Why arent they part of the Greek chorus throughout my day, and my dreams at night?
As for "strong moments" that gave me peace and inner strength: I'll keep thinking on that and trying to remember any such moments.
Thanks again!