RE: A Case of the Pumpkins -- a five-minute #freewrite

[kaelci]

I think the main things with it that I'm hating now are:

The god-awful sex scene.
There are two chapters that are zap quick and feel strange and cut-off even to me, as the writer re-reading. I can't imagine how a normal reader would feel about that.

Other than that... I guess it's okay! But I really work myself up sometimes, that's all...🙃

Comments

[carolkean]

I don't remember the sex scene 🙃 but I never remember battle scenes either, mostly because I speed-read or skim anything too graphic for me. "Moonfall" is a great story. Don't sell yourself short!

[kaelci]

It wasn't on my NaNoWriMo draft -- I wrote it, but refused to post it. OMG I JUST READ IT AGAIN AND I'M LAUGHING.

It's really terrible.

That's just the end of the scene -- the beginning is so much worse.

“I’ve been disappointed since this afternoon and everything has horrified me sinceabout then too, but I understand,” she murmured, closing her eyes and waiting for the mead to slowly disappear. “I bet you my aura is tasty, though. Can you taste auras?” She giggled.He paused for a moment, and then whispered, “I can taste you…”

I CAN TASTE YOU. really.
That's just the end... the beginning of the scene is even worse.

[kaelci]

It won't let me edit my comment... so... replying to myself.

---

That's just the end of the scene -- the beginning is so much worse.

“I’ve been disappointed since this afternoon and everything has horrified me since about then too, but I understand,” she murmured, closing her eyes and waiting for the mead to slowly disappear. “I bet you my aura is tasty, though. Can you taste auras?” She giggled. He paused for a moment, and then whispered, “I can taste you…”

I CAN TASTE YOU. really.

[carolkean]

Both excerpts are really much, much better than you think. :)