"Our Gophers are definitely being outplayed today," the announcer remarks.
"Did anyone really think the Gophers would triumph over the Groundhogs? A gopher is about an eighth of the size of a woodchuck" she said, out loud, even though she had been commanded to be silent.
He stood. He walked over. He shouted,
"Woodchucks are not groundhogs!"
into her left ear.
She calmly poured that first cup of coffee in the morning, turned to face him, and said
"No one said they were dear."
Bobbie went to the table, picked up the paper, lifted it to obscure her vision of George still standing at the sink, and gave it a good snap. The kind of newspaper-in-front-of-the-face snap that is intended to end a conversation.
We know that in 1871, while still grieving for his first wife, he set a record for planting corn. These words in the science times section of the NYTimes swam before Bobbie’s eyes. Tuesdays were her favorite day of the week, and here a casual comment about a local sports event had ruined her morning with the roadie she’d picked up the day before. He would clearly be leaving a bit sooner than the others.
George was an empath. He could feel the love factor drain into the ether. He knew he had screwed up, again. This time he hadn’t even lasted 24 hours before getting apoplectic about the differences among gophers, groundhogs and woodchucks. How was she to know this was a trigger for him? George took a moment to inhale, another moment to exhale, and quietly muttered the mantra he and his therapist had worked out to calm him down whenever someone compared groundhogs to woodchucks.
“It matters not what the groundhog be”
Bobbie usually left her slippers at her bedside, nice and orderly and ready to hop into in the morning, but this morning she found her red slippers on the doorstep. She took this as a clue to start writing some freewrite poetry instead of a story, because this collection of weekend freewrite prompts is diabolical, and she/I have no choice but to write a nonsensical poem, which is a lot harder than one might think to write.
The gopher left his slippers
on the doorstep one night
confounding the woman
he’d picked up in a fight
tossed over his shoulder and took to her bed
then woke in the morning
with a feeling of dread
that the woodchuck was coming
to knock at the door
and would growl at his visage
before barfing on the floor
at the doorstep right next to the slippers
the gopher’s favorite of them all
while his lover of last night
read the paper and sulked
over corn and long dead wives
whose husbands had done this or that
but corn tastes really good
which both woodchucks and gophers agree on
so out they both went to take a quick friendly walk
down the streets of Victorian London
to buy each other a corndog
whatever that is
This is my two-day-late entry to @mariannewest's three part weekend freewrite challenge. I wrote for 5 minutes for each prompt, which are in bold italics in my story, no peeking ahead, I promise. What would be the fun in that?
Notice for Newbies on Hive
Real people read your posts in this community! There are no rules!!! A post doesn't suck up your entire day!!!! You can safely let your imagination take flight! You will feel the love!
Try to remember to leave a link under @mariannewest's . That will help us find you. The easiest way to find the daily prompt is to go directly to @mariannewest's blog. Here is today's post.
To maximize readership, you might also post in the Freewriters Community (or @hive-161155), use a first tag of #freewrite or #freewritepoetry, go leave comments on others' freewrites, or any combination of those.
We are good people, it's a no judgment zone, and is an excellent community to get your feet wet on Hive.
My goodness, it is a good thing that I wasn't eating or drinking fluids while reading this.
I needed a good laugh and you provided with your clever use of words, you are a talented writer my friend.
Gophers are interesting creatures. I watch the giant family of them that live in my backyard, and they definitely have some kind of social life going on :D
The juveniles are playing with each other now, and it's very cute, but soon one or the other of them will drive the others away.
Glad you found it funny! I chuckled while writing it.
"Frog and Toad" were friends - how did you channel that epic image from Arnold Lobel, with this charming poem:
It's awesome, as always. I love it when the prompt gives you brain freeze as far as plots and stories go, but the free verse comes spinning out like this.
How do you remember all these tales, and their authors? Your memory for old lit is astounding. You literary types...
I'm just winging it, tapping into global intelligence systems or something. Having fun doing it.
Thanks for reading my old stuff! I liked this one, and hardly anyone noticed it. It's sad to know my posts will never be read again, and I wonder why I do it at all, especially when I see others make $100 by saying the same old thing over and over again. Who cares if my posts are permanently on the blockchain? Maybe when I am older and greyer I will go over them again. For now, many of my stories are completely forgotten.
Wait, what...?
My memory for old books isn't so strong. I'm sure I spelled the author's name wrong. --Wait. I didn't misspell it!!! WOOT!! "Lobel" it is!!
Oooh, I feel better now (not knowing the difference, if any, between the two):
Woodchucks vs. Groundhogs: Are They the Same Animal?
The name “woodchuck” comes mostly from the Native American word “Wuchak,” which means, roughly, “digger.” The word developed into the name as we know it, and the names are used interchangeably, even in scientific reports on the groundhog/woodchuck. There are other Native American words that sound similar to “wuchak,” and it’s possible that “woodchuck” is a combination of all of them.
Now I want a picture of gopher leaving his slippers at the door, and
THE WOODCHUCK IS COMING....
Sorry to keep belaboring the point (comment, comment, comment!), but this is the image that made me think of Frog and Toad Are Friends:
Nope, not likely to find an image online to convey these friends walking in London in search of corndogs!
Hello @owasco. I was laughing the entire time. Those two are a match made only by a pick up on the side of the road:
I've experienced that too. It takes the wind out of your sails for a bit before you can regroup.
Thanks for sharing. A fun and thoughtful read. Take care, and stay safe.
Oh good. It was one of those I wasn't sure I should publish. It made me laugh, but I wasn't sure it would tickle anyone else's fancy. Thank you for putting my mind at ease!
Your content has been voted as a part of Encouragement program. Keep up the good work!
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