Good day to you all my friends here on comedy mic open. It’s the comedy rumble era. And I am so happy to be a participant alongside other comedians.
Like I have written here in the community about my first time smoking which was indeed a funny and terrible experience for me. I still got some more first-time experiences to share. I believe our first time doing things is always way funny and at times weird but they bring memories we can never forget.
My first time slaughtering a chicken
Every day is not Christmas. You can’t expect things to keep going the same way forever. Every time we were to slaughter a chicken in our home I would be the one responsible to catch the chicken even at times I would give it my breakfast to eat a lot because I know it would soon serve as lunch for me.
The sacrifice wasn’t so much, I would also be the one to get the knife, sharpen it well and make preparations for the slaughter. But after all, we would have to call Mum to come to help us kill it. While killing it I would take my eyes off till it’s dead. Then I resume my work again by removing the feathers, boiling, and frying because I know I would have access to taste as much as I can. 😂
Most times Mum would always ask for the gizzard, heart, and some other part that I would have digested into my tummy, but I would tell her I threw them away with the intestines. She would smile 😃.
The d-day was here, there is this naughty cock that decided to be a prostitute, it would have to go miles to mate with hens and leave all the hens that are with him at home. It got to the extent that it didn’t show up at home again. What a silly chicken 🐔. Before some random guys on the street have you in their pot I would sacrifice my time to be ahead of them.
I went in the middle of the night to where it sleeps after tracing it throughout the day. I grabbed it by the throat so it wasn’t able to scream.
Giphy.com
Then I took it home and tied it down. The next morning I couldn’t find it again. All I could see was the rope and some poo 💩 on the floor. 😂 😂. My God!!!
The next day I didn’t bother finding it anywhere. I went directly to where it sleeps but I couldn’t find it there again. I put on my torch in search of it, then I saw it at the top of the tree, almost at the peak. Wow 🤩 wise chicken!. Well, play! It stared at my light and I stared at it too for minutes. 😂
It was a failed mission for tonight because I never expected it to be that wise. But at least it’s a chicken and I am a human. I went back home to come back another day.
The next day I got prepared for war. I got a long wood up to the extent of the tree top, and thick rope to tie it hard. After getting to the tree I saw it at that same spot on top of the tree. Yeah, I smiled as I swallowed the little saliva left in my throat. Tomorrow you silly prostitute would be in my throat while I stare at its big laps with my torch.
Gently, I stretched the long wood to the branch where it slept and struck it down to the chicken leg. It just jumped up and returned to its position. Wow! Super chicken to the rescue. 😂
The next strike I tried to stretch my feet and all my hands then I hit it on its legs. It screamed Kuukuu kaaKaa! And flew down from the tree. I put the torch on its face then it couldn’t see anything till I grabbed its wings. You crazy chicken. I tied it like I was never going to lose it anymore.
Every hour at midnight I would go out to check on it and still see it there. The following morning I gave it my breakfast as usual. Then I announced it to everyone. ”Don’t call Mum today! I would be the one to slaughter this!” 😂
I got everything ready and then got myself ready to slaughter it. I sharpened the knife and slaughtered the chicken. Yeah! I became a true hero. After slaughtering it I kept it in a bowl, as I was about to pour the hot water on it to remove the feather I saw the chicken breathing. 😂. This chicken must be kidding me. I poured a little of the hot water on it.
The next thing I saw was the chicken jumping out of the bowl with blood on its neck and started jumping around. I poured the hot water away and ran beyond my feet. I got inside and shouted, “this crazy chicken is back to haunt me!!”
None of my siblings could get closer, then Mum went there and saw the chicken 🐔, she grabbed it and slaughtered it again. She called me and said I never slaughtered it before. I just cut its throat. 😂.
I was scared to death. But I got the courage to kill chickens from then. The next chicken I slaughtered I cut its head off finally.🤣🤣 Then gradually I became a pro at slaughtering a chicken.
To participate in the entry Click here
I am also inviting @mcyusuf and @adoore-eu to participate in the rumble…
Are you chicken me?
I can not stand the sight of red colour, so my chicken wings is unable to handle a slaughtering tool.
Nice knowing you are a pro at it now, I could hire you if the need be, lol.
I can’t be chicken you 😂.
Hiring service come with some amount. At least service can’t be free
No problem! 100% family discount for me, thus free of charge.
Hahaha, I thought you said you would kill it, why chicken out again? I always kill chicken myself
I did tried to kill it. But it woke up again 😂
I didn’t cut the throat so it was still able to breathe and move. 😂
Women are kinda good at killing chickens. But I don’t think my younger sister can.
Back when I was a child, older kids would sometimes tease younger kids by letting the slaughtered chickens run around to bleed out after their heads were cut off!